wanderings of an eccentric alibangbang

for you, amore mio

2012-01-24T10:01:00.000-08:00

tattoo with style

2012-01-20T20:38:00.000-08:00

i was browsing through pulutong's photos during his vacation here and i smiled when i got into this one.

we vandalized on each others arms while waiting for our flight to manila.

i laughed while reminiscing the memories of our flight to manila. we were both restless and talked and laughed like crazy.

this was the best tattoo ever!

this is what love can do ^__^

party like the upper - upper

2012-01-20T19:49:00.000-08:00

i got excited when i received a text from my friend after my shift last night. since everyone was going out and i was the only left with no plan, at all, it was a breather to get an invite. so i immediately said yes.

i was already walking halfway to our meeting place when my friend called me to ask if they should bring clothes for me. and i asked, oh, is there a dress code? and my friend said, it's an exclusive party. and the she said something that made me stop breathing. sir kevin is at the party. "the sir kevin"! i got suffocated, i needed to eat halo-halo in chowking to regain some oxygen.

breath in....breath out.

a few minutes later, we are in the phillips morris' party. great! i was relieved when someone announced that sir kevin was in another place. whew! i would have fainted right in front of him if he were there....well, the party was okay. full of youngster fashionistas and the upper - upper. i definitely didn't belong there. then bobby asked us to transfer to "flow", which i thought was a good thing. have i known that sir kevin was in "flow", i would have gone home.

so "flow" it was. and he was there, mingling with his friends while we clinged to our own group. we endured the overly-mixed music in "flow" for a while before deciding to go someplace where we can chat.

we were having a great time talking and laughing at the brewery, with bobby's animated stories and anecdotes and his crazy fantasies, when sir kevin came over to join us. what's worse, he stood right across to where i was sitting and joined in the conversation. i tried my best not to stare and gape at him. sometimes our eyes would lock for a few heartbeats. that was more like my fantasy! hahaha! when he gulped down the last drop of his beer, we decided to leave the brewery.

sir kevin and bobby were already gone when we got downstairs. so the rest of us decided to have some warm batchoy before going home. we talked for a few more minutes over the steaming caldo and the cold january breeze.

the upper - upper party ended at breaking dawn. i was down the minute i hit the sheets.

why, jmd?

2012-01-18T08:44:00.000-08:00

juan miguel de guzman.

i first saw him in the movie, "ang babae sa sceptic tank", where he played the role of a young producer for an indie film. from there, i thought, oh, i like this guy. then i forgot about him. but every time i see him perform on tv, i can't help but smile. like, involuntary smile. i even blurted it once to my friends when we were watching ASAP, that jm makes me smile.

there's something about him that makes my muscles constrict to form a smile. it must be his smile that makes me smile.

oh, the wonder effect of jm de guzman :) :) :)

i hope i can beat this

2012-01-17T08:00:00.000-08:00

my mind, body and soul are beaten today. i feel so weak and lost...absent-mindedly going through the day. when you give yourself to your work, your work gets everything of you. it sips all the positive juice from your body and it seems impossible to regain strength.

now it's time to hit the sheets and hope that tomorrow, i will be stronger and better than today :)

god natta!

farewell strawberry sundae

2012-01-10T19:20:00.000-08:00

some things change.

andy, my constant buddy for sundae treats had a change of heart. i was surprised when she snobbed the message that i sent to her on the messenger, to go down for our usual splurge. after a minute of silence, i ran over to her pod. and there she told me that she had to watch her diet from then on 'coz she's gaining weight. hearing that from a 5'6" tall and 44 kg. comparative lit grad, was like a slap on my face. look at me! and look at her! if she thinks she needs to go on a diet, then i should definitely stop eating, at all!

i was quiet for a while. i ran out of words to say. i had a picture of the strawberry sundae on the right side of my brain and i had a picture of me weighing 60 kg on the left side of my brain. at last, when reason won over desire, i told her, "yeah, you're right! you will be my inspiration!"

so from now on, there will be lesser or no more trips to jollibee.

goodbye, sundae.

... everyday deserves a sundae ( jollibee ) ...

music and magic

2012-01-03T09:21:00.000-08:00

i got this philips gogear ariaz mp3 player from pulutong ko for christmas. ever since i got it in the mail, it never leaves my bag. i'm so happy that pulutong has a good taste in music. he already downloaded songs in it. the music keeps me company throughout the day.

my sister gave me this panasonic zs8 digital camera. i'm so excited to start capturing moments again. i hope i can create magic through photos...

to pulutong ko and toto, thanks so much for these gadgets! i love 'em! and i love you both ^_^

finding Leelou

2012-01-03T09:16:00.000-08:00

i was browsing on some blogs and i was amazed by one of the bloggers templates. i clicked on Leelou and voila!!! they have free templates! happy templates! bouncing templates!

i downloaded the spring princess and when i viewed my blog, i felt joyful!

ah! new year! new template! new inspiration to write!

thank you, Leelou!

bloated

2011-12-01T19:53:00.000-08:00

i woke up with a ballooning heart.

i feel so in-love. i feel so much love. it is one of those days when i can say that, "life is, oh, so beautiful!".

this feeling is more than what my heart can bear. i wish that Pulutong ko is here so that i can shower all my lovin' feeling for him and only him.

i am happily in-love!

catching up with Mya Chew

2011-11-12T20:58:00.000-08:00

yeeyyy!!! i was finally able to catch up with mya chew afer 5 years. it's funny because when she was in Scotland, we planned to meet in the UK to watch "the phantom of the opera". and we ended up meeting at the sm city...the very place where we last saw each other in 1996.

we wandered around sm city...perfect timing for the grand launching of the christmas trees at the activity center and the pictorial booth of santa claus, for the kids and kids at heart.

i am definitely going back there to have a photo with santa next weekend :)
(handum kag dumot)

we had dinner at sbarro. we had a relaxing talk over our all-cheese pizza, zitti and lemonade. a dinner of non-ending laughter and sharing of our experiences with the philippine immigration. tsk! tsk! tsk!

at 9pm, we continued our reunion at coffee break at the plazuela de iloilo. if it weren't for mya chew, i wouldn't have gone there. first time at the plazuela under the full moonlight! ahh! happiness!

of course, i needed to have a picture with mr. moon :)

took a photo of the fountain at the entrance of the plazuela too

the conversation at the coffee break were unbelievably serious. all about life, maturity and more on life. we truly have grown after all these years, huh! after being almost driven out of coffee break for over-staying, we spent almost half-an hour, still talking at the diversion road, waiting for a cab.

it was half past 12 when we finally said bye bye and hoped to see each other again before she leaves for dubai. if not, i hope to meet her in dubai ;)

11.11.11

2011-11-11T22:28:00.000-08:00

i started my day killing little vampires that feasted on my blood.

at 4:30 am, i finally got out from my green dress which i've been wearing for 16 hours. ahhhh! freedom!

i put on my shorts, red shirt and running shoes. at 4:40 i was in the street of jaro going to the iloilo riverside boardwalk for a jog. i wanted to join the morning aero group but it was too late. now i know that i have to be there before 5am if i want a fun workout. i did kick a few joints before hitting the track. i jogged three rounds from end to end of the boardwalk. it was nice to sweat out my annoyance early in the morning!

(photo from: flicker, by jc general)

after jogging, there's nothing more refreshing and gratifying than drinking a cup of fresh buko juice. there are vendors at the entrance of the boardwalk and a cup of that thirst-quenching buko juice costs 10 pesos.

i got home around 7am. i took a shower and hit the sheets. oh, it was such a good feeling to drift to the dreamworld after being awake for almost 24 hours. i got up at half past 8, had the usual early morning talk with faye and kyra over breakfast and prepared for work.

today is pepero day! so i got some pepero's from my online students. what a sweet way to give away pepero's. haha!

according to wikipedia, Pepero Day is an observance in South Korea similar to Valentine's Day. It is named after the Korean snack Pepero and held on November 11, since the date "11/11" resembles four sticks of Pepero. The holiday is observed mostly by young people and couples, who exchange Pepero sticks, other candies, and romantic gifts. Lotte denies starting the holiday and instead states that they noticed a bump in Pepero sales around November 11th and after continued popularity they decided to then encourage the holiday with special gift boxes and other promotions.

according to one story, Pepero Day was started in 1994 by students at a girls' middle school in Busan, where they exchanged Pepero sticks as gifts to wish one another to grow "as tall and slender as a Pepero".

there goes the 11.11.11 trivia!

i ended the day with a chat with Pulutong ko, whom i haven't talked to for a couple of days. i was so happy that we got to hang out for a few minutes online, share a few laughs and hugs and flying kisses.

it's the most wonderful feeling in the world...loving somebody and being loved in return.

dolce vita!

happy 11.11.11!

aaarrrgggghhh!!!!

2011-11-10T12:39:00.000-08:00

i tossed and turned all night as i lay uncomfortably on the sofa. i just found myself locked out from the room on the very night when all i ever wanted was to sleep...a long, deep sleep. but well, here i am in the living room, swarmed by the hungry little vampires, sweating like i'm in hell and i am so annoyed.

i just hope i won't be grumpy all day.

what to do at 4 40 in the morning when i can't go back to sleep anymore?

oh gosh!

i wanna kill myself!

Jason Mraz ft. James Morrison- Details in The Fabric

2011-11-09T17:16:00.000-08:00

an island of reality in an ocean of diarrhea

pastillas

2011-11-09T16:40:00.000-08:00

Ingredients:

1 can condensed milk
powdered milk
sugar

it's so wonderful to have housemates who know your sweet tooth weakness.

*grin*

kyra and faye have been pampering me with this sugar coated creamy milk balls ever since i mentioned to them that someone at work is selling them. sometimes i would walk the streets from plaza libertad to jollibee plazoleta gay just to buy pastillas.

but home-made pastillas are the greatest!

last night when i got home from work, kyra served me a platito of it. when faye got home from work this morning, her greeting to me was, "mader, we made more pastillas!"

aaahhhh! sweet life!

marathon

2011-11-04T10:11:00.000-07:00

i made 'para' to the manong driver just after the chinese-filipino friendship arc along calle real at 13:46 in the afternoon. manong was enjoying chatting with another jeepney driver and i was running out of time. four minutes left before the biometrics will mark me late.

in a super hot and sunny day in iloilo city, i ran a 4-minute marathon. i passed through the chinese stores, "binangon" vendors, central market, gaisano guanco and bombo radyo. my curly hair ruffled here and there as i counterstriked the wind. i heard cat calls and cheers from the "tambays" in the street. their annoying voices made me ran faster.

i made a record-breaking climb to the second floor. my silky blue shirt was sticking to my skin and sweat was coming out of my glands in an unlimited flow. with my heart beating like it was about to burst out of my chest and my legs shaking like they were ready to give in, i caught up with the biometrics at 13:50.

whoah!!!! it was a good way to burn the excess calories in my body, but....

i'm pleading to myself now...no unplanned runs anymore, please..........

sometimes, i wonder

2011-10-27T10:02:00.000-07:00

i'm damaged. i haven't been handled well by people around me. my parents weren't there to mold me when i was growing up; the people whom i loved hurt me and left me bleeding; people gave me remarks that dug through my heart and mind.

i'm damaged and insecure and my psyche is scarred forever.

i'm trying to put whatever's left of me back together. there are some pieces that are too difficult to repair because they're wrecked and beyond repair. but i'm trying to take care of myself and shield my being from any further catastrophe.

most of the people that i've met don't understand me at all. they don't really see me. they just look right through me and in one way or another they'd know that i am broken and useless...some of them stay for a while and eventually they'd leave...at times i'd disappear before they even find out how irreparable i am...for who could ever learn to love someone who is a walking casualty?

that's why i wonder how someone like Cristian can put up with me. for all my tanrums, meanness, mood swings and all the inexplainable ME! one day i'm happy, the next day i'm melancholic, the day after that i'm confused...and the cycle goes on and on. i am even tired of being me sometimes.

say, take Cristian out of my life...and i am nothing. i am a big black empty waste of space if i am without him. he is my super glue...the best adhesive tape in the world. and i love him. sometimes i wonder why he's still with me when he knows how terrible a person i am. sometimes i'm afraid that while he's trying to magically fix me, i am unconsciously hurting and causing him damage. i am mean, but i don't want to be the maker of one person's destruction.

and how long can a patient man sustain being with a despicable me?

i know that i'll never be the same without him in my existence...but sometimes, i wonder if he'll be better off without me in his life...

somebody loves me...finally!

2011-10-21T21:34:00.000-07:00

thank you so much Pulutong ko for this wonderful video. i love it, love it! thank you for everything that you are doing for me, for us. thank you for being patient with me all the time.

i may be short of patience with you sometimes...but i'm trying to be better. i want to be the best for you. because you deserve only the best :)

i love you to the nth, amore mio. every single day of my life leads to a happily ever after with you.

spread a little happiness

2011-10-21T20:30:00.000-07:00

i spent my one-hour break roaming around Iloilo's old city streets yesterday. a new habit i've developed since i started working for the krungkrungs. i don't really mind the foul smell of the central market when i pass along Iznart street. in fact, i tend to linger there and check the native stuffs that are sold in the stalls.

i wandered around while eating my banana q. there were so many kakanins along the streets, but i stuck to my banana q :)

walking without direction is my forte. i stitched the small pathways and wide streets in one hour. on my way back to our building, i took the main street. as i was about to cross the street, i saw a mentally challenged, rubbishly dressed young man and he was wearing a priceless happy face. he was blowing bubbles at the corner of the street. big bubbles. big bubbly bubbles. he was just enveloped in his own happiness...in his own world. he was oblivious to the traffic of vehicles and people around him. he was happy. he was very happy blowing bubbles.

i happen to love big bubbly bubbles! i stood at a distance from that young man for a while and watched his fascination to the bubbles that he made. i was mesmerized as well, as i followed the direction of the bubbles that he produced.

some people say that mentally challenged people are not aware of where they are or what they're doing...what that young man wasn't aware of at that time? he didn't know how happy he made me : )

....keep doing what makes you happy. for all you know, it makes other people happy too : )

showtime!

2011-10-18T20:38:00.000-07:00

warning! do not watch this show with a full stomach. hahahaha!

big laugh! laugh gas! laugh in! laugh in!

that's what you get when you watch this noontime show on abs-cbn. the hosts in this show really knows how to make their audience have a GREAT TIME! and i call that kind of talent a gift...they have an unkabogable charisma :)

i love them! i've never seen a show that can make me crawl laughing while crying.

i love you, showtime pipol!!!

amore

2011-10-17T20:57:00.000-07:00

tu sei il centro della mia vita

ti amo tantissimo, amore mio

wishawishwishwish

2011-10-14T21:35:00.000-07:00

as i walked along the busy and buzzy streets of mapa to delgado during my break yesterday, Christmas songs filled the humid air. there were different yuletide songs played in every store. when i passed by the mercury drugstore, i heard the song, "...i'm dreaming of a white christmas...." finally, i can relate to that song. all those years, i sang along with that song, not really knowing what a white christmas is. but after 5 years of experiencing snowy christmases, i'm wishing to have one this year.

i wish to walk in a snowy evening, feel the softness of the fresh snow under my winter boots, the feeling of not feeling my nose and cheeks because of too much cold, the freezing fresh feeling, the tingling touch of falling snow on my face and just the wonderful purely white sight.

...i'm dreaming of a white christmas...

anemia of words

2011-10-14T11:23:00.000-07:00

i miss writing. like, really writing. like, writing not just the word writing or just for the sake of writing. but writing because the words get congested in my brain if i won't write them down. writing like, all the passion is there. where have all the words gone?

have i been so detached to myself lately? am i being a zombie again? or, my head can't feel my heart? or is it just the absence of the right words to say?

please, words....i need words...

just keep swimming

2011-10-13T22:23:00.000-07:00

dory.

if there's one animated character that would best describe me, it's her. but it's not just the short-term memory loss, although that's the biggest chunk of it. it's her fearless way of wandering the depth of the ocean...enjoying the moment...forgetting why she's doing stuffs...but still she gets the hang of it, and keeps on swimming.

i love it when she says..."just keep swimming...keep swimming..."...isn't she adorable?

one thing though that makes me different from her is the way she easily trusts the creatures around her. it's a nice thing. trust. but it's an ocean! a big body of water! with lots of sharks! oh! i wish i can trust everyone that easily...hey, it's a big ocean....

...but....

just keep swimming....

just to annoy Kikay :)

2011-10-13T08:59:00.000-07:00

so near yet so far

2011-09-24T23:12:00.000-07:00

love doesn't know any distance...and the lovers always find a way to bridge the barriers that separate them.

Cristian and i consider ourselves as one of the bravest couples who took the risk and the challenge of being in a long distance relationship. it is difficult, indeed. especially when we had the chance to spend two weeks together. those two wonderful weeks of getting to know each other better, of walking without knowing where we were headed, of eating siopao, of laughing over some silly stuffs, of riding the jeepney, of enjoying each other's company, of giving him some silent treatments, of being with friends, of showing how much we love one another. ahh! sometimes, it is even painful to reminisce on the most beautiful and precious memories. how is it possible that the memories of the happy days with the one you love are the same memories that makes you cry?

we are brave. we got into this relationship and we are in this together. some people say that when you find love, grasp it! embrace it and never let it go. this is it for me. i found love. i am going to seize it, no matter how challenging the path would be, to finally be together with the one i love.

somehow, i can bear the pain of being far away from Cristian. i can deal with the separation anxiety. what i cannot bear is, seeing him having a hard time dealing with the fact that we are so far away from each other. it crushes my heart when i see him cry. if only i could take away his pain and just make it mine, i would. i will do that just to spare him of this malady.

i'm not used to seeing him so down. he's always this bubbly person who never runs out of things to say, jokes and silly tricks. i'm sure that in time, the Cristian that i know will be back. he'll be full of life and energy again. i'll be seeing him smile and laugh like a madman again.

we will get through this. with a little patience and with our over-powering love, we'll make it through. we will surpass the challenge of distance.

to my Pulutong, we can outdo anything and everything. i love you very much and in our situation now, only our love matters. i have love and i have YOU...that's what matters most to me. i will love you and only you for the rest of my life.

mahal na mahal kita forever

...waking up is the hardest part

2011-09-22T20:23:00.000-07:00

my alarm went on at 08 30 am. i got up from bed too quickly, disoriented, my heart pounded too loud that it was defeaning and panic got into me.

i was looking for my Pulutong. i was standing beside the bed, not knowing where i was, and i was about to cry because Pulutong is not there and my half-conscious mind couldn't think of any reasonable thought where he is. it was such a dreadful feeling. i don't know how long i stood there, trying to reconnect my thoughts to reality.

after a while, of course, reality came back to me and my brain told me that he is in Bolzano. i sighed a deep sigh, laid back in bed and reminisced.

it's so hard to wake up without you, Mr. Cristian Boarolo.

soon...

2011-09-22T02:36:00.001-07:00

i am so happy that you are in my life Pulutong ko...and i am more than happy with the thought and certainty that there's you and me in the near future.

i love you so much amore mio.

thank you for everything...thank you very much for this wonderful feeling.

mahal na mahal ko ikaw forever

months to weeks to days to hours

2011-09-02T03:38:00.000-07:00

the countdown started a little more than two months ago. it seems surreal to be counting the hours now.

i will be meeting Pulutong ko soon. the anticipation is killing me. if i keep on forgetting to breath, i might suffer from brain damage. waaahhh!!! okay, breath in...breath out...

nakakaloka!!!!!!!!!

cravings

2011-09-01T00:37:00.000-07:00

i want to eat ice cream. i want to eat ice cream with felix while sitting on a swing and talking to him about his day at school.

i want to eat banana Q and camote Q, the ones that manong whoever sells outside the Robinson's Place.

i want to do something very dangerous.

i want to have a tattoo today.

i want to take a walk with Scott and HG up to the forest in Visnes

voice from within

2011-08-29T01:13:00.000-07:00

like most sunday nights, me, Leah Joy, Khael and Keila were gathered in front of the television watching "Pilipinas Got Talent" last night. we were so enthralled as one 11-year girl performed the songs of Whitney Houston. her performance gave me goosebumps. she was so good that i had a hard time recovering my jaw from dropping. the four of us in the living room didn't even utter a word when the girl started to sing. the judges were so impressed too that after her audition piece, they asked the girl if she can perform one more song. she sang "i will always love you". she was so close to perfection. the judges gave her three yes-es :)

suddenly, out of the pregnant silence, a soft wailing voice came out and JingJing, Khael and i turned out heads in unison in Keila's direction. we all had confused faces. when Keila opened her mouth again, it was then that we realized that she was singing "and i.......will always love you". i couldn't help it so i asked her "are you singing?" she kept quiet and her three evil companions (us) laughed out loud! she stood up and tried to silence each one of us with her towel, but we just kept on laughing. her voice, to say it subtly, needs A LOT of improvement. but it was so funny of her to sing when she knows that she doesn't have a singing voice.

finally, i asked her a question that the judges in PGT ask the contestants: "how did you get a voice like that? who trains you?" she said, "my mom!"

ooohhhh, i thought i'd die laughing......

Mooning for Gorgonio IV

2011-08-27T00:33:00.000-07:00

Gorgonio IV or Georgina? whatever gender this fetus come out after nine months, we already cheered and celebrated for it last night. Nang Vangie's treat for the first grandchild to be in their family.

*we bloated our tummies with a mix of mexican delies and glasses of cooler. i feasted on the spicy jalapenos. whew!*

our circle of friends share the secret of Lilibeth's early pregnancy...though it won't be a secret after the lab results come out. we got the first-hand news through sms as she got the positive line in the pregnancy kit last monday. i danced the sun dance when i got her message. this is so exciting! oh, i am so ecstatic for Gigi and Libet. and i am so excited to meet the fourth or georgina nine months from now

:)

as if nothing happened

2011-08-26T23:43:00.000-07:00

the sun shines as if yesterday didn't happen. the soil remains that scattered on the road, the fallen branches of the trees and the smell of the earth are the only trace that august 26 actually existed.

the rain poured yesterday just the way i have gotten used to it for the entire week. i didn't even worry about it, until, after a great bonding moment + dinner with Libet, Janice and Ng Vangie, the wind wildly blew our way as we got out of the Moon Cafe. it was half past 8 already and it was only then that we thought about how difficult it would be for us to commute back to Miami.

and voila! Lilibeth's Knight in a Shiny Car came to save her + us (hehehe) from distress. the side road at the Robinson's place was already starting to disappear from the uprising flood. perfect timing for Gorgonio III.

Iloilo City's road was drowning as we drove off to the south. as we reached the Oton area, the rain, thunder and lightning met us fiercely. Gigi drove slower because it was impossible to see the road ahead (oh, thanks to the local government for not putting on streetlights on the sidewalk). twenty minutes later, a very flooded Guimbal welcomed us. the car's engine started to sound weird and Lilibeth felt the water starting to get in the car.

it was time to call on Ng Vangie's supernman!

Gigi managed to park his car at the hospital. the rain was still at its performance level. while we waited for Nong Dino for about half an hour, Janice amused us with her experiences as a nurse at the hospital, the grumpy chief nurse, mothers giving birth, placenta and the gross facts about delivering a baby.

we battled with the rain again as we got out of Gigi's car and transferred to Nong Dino's car. the moment we were safely seated in superman's life-saving car, the rain stopped and everything was calm, as if nothing happened. but we passed through a landslide before the Guimbal bridge, people tying ropes around the trees, more floody areas, and more landslides on our way to Miagao.

huff! it has been several years since i haven't experienced these scenarios. i didn't miss them at all! but it was nice being saved by my friends' heroes : )

now i know

2011-08-24T23:52:00.000-07:00

i understand perfectly now why Yvonne is so bemused and in-love with father pedro. he's got a very charming singing voice. at least, that's the one good thing that i found out about the priest.

this is the second wednesday that father toto celebrated the novena mass. and today, he didn't administer the communion. instead, he let the nuns give the body of Christ while he sang "i'm falling deeply in love with you Lord" at the center of the altar.

holy! holy! i don't really "pray" per se during the whole communion time, but that time my knees were nailed to the pew. i bowed my head, closed my eyes and i was lost to the sinewy charm of the priest's voice. i didn't look up until he said "please stand".

*sorry Lord, father toto's voice distracted me to say my prayers*

after the mass, janice and i talked about how wonderful that communion song and how beautiful father toto's voice were. on Janice's part, she really fought hard. she said her prayers louder in her head so that she can actually say her prayers and not just listen to the song. but she ended up saying "hail mary...." when she wasn't even finished with "our father...". in the end, she gave up, took a seat and succumbed to father toto's voice anyway.

whew! i wish i can go to the parish's concert on the 20th of september.

my personal shrink

2011-08-24T23:07:00.000-07:00

Janice should have been a shrink. she, surely, would have been a renowned one. she's the best listener ever and the source of a bottomless enlightening thoughts. if she were a shrink, i couldn't afford her...imagine how glad i am that she's my friend! :)

our wednesday novena resumed when i got back here last March and i needed prayer warriors to appeal to the greater power to help me pass my UiS application. well, i didn't get in. but my prayer warriors remain. oh, Mabeth left already. so that makes Janice my ultimate prayer warrior.

so, after every novena, we would trace our way to the plaza and choose a bench (most of the time, we'd face Rizal). we'd talk about anything, her tita, her family, her plans, my fears, her Matti, my Pulutong among any other things. we'd talk over a pack of chips, a plastic of peanuts, bowls of batchoy and bottles of softdrinks. other times, we'll take a walk around the gates of the church and when we complete the full circle, we would ask each other "where are we going?" and we'd burst into laughter. even the heavy rain couldn't stop us from hanging around each other a wee moment after every wednesday mass.

the best thing about being with Janice is that she clears my mind from worries, reassures me that things will be fine, and she confirms that i am perfectly normal and that my reactions and feelings are reasonable. she makes me feel better, all the time.

i am so lucky to have a friend and personal shrink rolled into one. it is a great thing to have a friend who has known me since i was 12 and still stuck with me after twenty years. that's Janice S. Mondragon.

p.s. and just as i've published this write-up, i got a message from her. i am the luckiest person ever!

hahaha!

2011-08-21T02:44:00.001-07:00

...

2011-08-20T03:09:00.000-07:00

i choose to walk in sunshine.

forward it to me...

2011-08-20T00:40:00.000-07:00

it is not "destiny" that determines "love".
it is "choice".
our so-called "destiny" is a lie...

relationships last long not because
they're destined to last long.

relationships last long because
two brave people made a choice -
to keep it.
to fight for it
and
to work for it.

meanwhile, other relationships fail
not because they're destined to fail.
they failed because
one of the two,
or both,
made the choice -

to set each other free....

thank you, Arjun, for waking me up with this enlightening thought...

send to: Mr. Boarolo

2011-08-09T04:14:00.001-07:00

mahal na mahal kita forever

it's a choice

2011-08-09T04:02:00.000-07:00

'tis the season!

2011-08-06T03:02:00.000-07:00

mushroom-hunting master Kjersti, hunting buddies Felix and Kuya Oscar, i miss you all so much! i miss our adventures in the forest in search for the biggest steinsopp. 'till the next mushroom season then....(fingers-crossed)

revisiting Verona

2011-08-05T18:39:00.000-07:00

I want to feel closer to my Pulutong. Since he's miles away and sleeping right now, i opted to see "Letters to Juliet"...that, at least makes me feel only an hour and a half away from him.

A year ago, i saw this movie and it made me cry. I cried because i felt happy for the wonderful destiny that brought Claire and Lorenzo back into each others arms after five decades. I cried because i thought it was so beautiful for people like Sophie to be passionate about something. I cried for so many reasons.... i pitied myself.

Today, as i revisited Verona, i cried. This time, i cried because i felt happy and grateful. I can relate to the elated feelings of Claire and Sophie. I cried because i'm in-love and i found myself a great man to love. I cried because after so many years of searching, looking and tossing all sides and possibilities of this crazy little thing called love, i have finally found my soulmate. The "one" who makes my world go round, the most sensitive person i have ever known, the man who never gives up on me no matter how stubborn and annoying i can get, the very person who makes me laugh, the Man whom i am going to love for the rest of my life. My Pulutong, My Life, My One, My Everything.

In the later part of the movie, Claire read "Juliet's" response to her 50-year old letter. It said:

Dear Claire,

"What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if? I don't know how your story ended but if what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like - love to leave loved ones for, love to cross oceans for but I'd like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I will have the courage to seize it. And, Claire, if you didn't, I hope one day that you will.

All my love,

Juliet

i am seizing that feeling now. i am ready to face the consequences. i am in-love and i have the courage to follow my heart.

p.s. sometimes, I still ask myself, what if? What if i missed the pleasure of meeting Pulutong in this lifetime. Oh, believe me, it's unimaginable. I cannot see myself without him. He has become a part of me now and i couldn't think of me without him anymore.

That thing that i don't have

2011-08-03T17:47:00.000-07:00

If there's one thing that makes me feel insecure, it's the "family" thing. Sure, i have many insecurities listed in my emotions book, but that one makes it to the top. Box office hit.

I am surrounded with friends who have close-knitted families. They have reunions every now and then. they always have that excitement to go home and spend time with their loved ones. They eat together, they talk over dinner, they give each other reassuring hugs, they find pleasure at just being together.

I have a dysfunctional family. I basically grew up "alone". I have a mother and a father. They brought me and my siblings into this world, provided us shelter, food, clothing, sent us to school, scolded us when we've done anything wrong as they tried to make us pleasant and acceptable beings to the society. They missed one thing though. They forgot to give us love. They didn't make us feel safe and secured. It's as good as being left in a jungle with nobody to call on for help.

I guess i'm still lucky that i have friends. That my friends have great families. That my friends' families treat me as part of their families. I'm always the "adopted" girl. That's fine with me. I am always the loved "adopted" girl anyway. It is only when i'm at my friend's place that i feel at home. There's this feeling that when i enter their homes, i feel the security that i am supposed to feel when i am at home. This is strange, because home is supposedly a haven, a comforting place. To me however, in order to feel at home, i have to seek it somewhere else.

When i have my own family, i will do everything that i can to make my family feel safe, comfortable and loved. I want to spend time with my husband and kids. I want them to come home to me whenever they feel bad, because they can find refuge from me. I want them to experience the joy and fun of having a family.

perturbed and disturbed

2011-08-01T22:27:00.000-07:00

infidelity is the cruelest thing that a man can do to his wife. if it will ever happen to me, it will take me long long time to forgive and forget.

ironically enough, i have been a witness to a close friend's outburst when she found out that her husband cheated on her and after a couple of years of not communicating to her, she found out that he has three kids with a different woman. how do you console a friend who is suffering from an indescribable pain? i did the least thing that one can offer to a friend...i stayed beside her and listened to the things that she wanted to say, hugged her when she cried, held her hand and tried to say consoling words, which she might have never listened to anyway.

what would you do when you hear the same dilemma from your own mother? and you see her cry her heart out?

the first thing that i wanted to do was run away. i wish that i heard her wrong. i wish that it was just another nightmare. i had the urge to bump my head on the wall so that i'd wake up from that very bad dream. but it was all real. what would you do when things go wrong?

for the so many times that i didn't stand up for my mom, i want to make it up with her now. i'll help her move on and find her peace of mind.

oh, my Kuya!

2011-07-27T00:05:00.000-07:00

i miss you Kuya Oscar. i may have not written to you for a long time but you are here in my heart. you will always be a part of my short-term memory. kuya....well, kuya, it's not only when i'm sad that i remember you, okay? it's just that, i miss our long walks and my endless monologue and i miss your face everytime you look up to me and you give me a "what's wrong again, Joan?" look. i miss you so much. oh, i need a big big hug from you...

breaking one's self to zero

2011-07-26T23:14:00.000-07:00

she laid still in bed as soon as she opened her eyes on a rainy morning. she called on her senses to wake up. she felt the twinge on the tip of her toes, smelled the odor of the earth, saw the universe in the blurry daylight, and tasted the sourness of her saliva. everything outside her rumbled. she remain unwavered as the strong wind and rain crashed on the window pane. she closed her eyes and focused on her senses. she felt wonderful. she felt powerful that, it is somehow possible to be still and calm even if the outside forces are in chaos.she wished that she could have more days like this one. she prayed that the stillness will envelope her for a long long time. she hoped that she'll feel this safe for all time.

"the only tyrant i accept in this world, is the still voice within" - Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

lys til Norge

2011-07-23T03:39:00.000-07:00

my deepest sympathy to all the Norwegian people for what happened on the 22nd of July in Oslo and UtǾya. may the innocent victims rest in peace and their loved ones be comforted.

love love love

2011-07-15T03:35:00.000-07:00

i love waking up in the middle of the night with a message from pulutong ko in my phone. and last night, i got this poem from Cristian ko.

toglimi la vita e sarò un anima toglimi il tuo amore e sarò un anima persa

amore della mia vita, io sono fortunata per averti.

grazie mille

heart says...

2011-07-14T03:09:00.000-07:00

i've had my heart broken...i've cried and moved on...it's okay, really. i can handle being hurt. i can forgive easily. what's NOT okay is, to be the one to break someone else's heart. i won't be able to forgive myself for that.

i resolve to love and love only you, pulutong ko, for the rest of my life. you can break my heart, but one thing is for sure, i will never break yours.

happy 7th, kikay

2011-07-11T00:39:00.000-07:00

happy happy birthday to our beautiful monster, keila palmos!

countdown

2011-07-07T02:13:00.000-07:00

dear pulutong ko, i am thankful everyday that you came into my life. i am blessed that i have someone to love and someone who loves me back. what we have is something special and i have to agree with you when you mentioned in your letter that "we are going to have the best love story ever". thank you for everything, pulutong ko. our story is still in the making and we'll keep the story going everyday, and i gladly wait in anticipation how it's gonna end...but wait, we don't really need an ending, right? we can just keep the story going and going, chapter by chapter...

ti amo tantissimo, amore della mia vita

MIA

2011-07-07T01:47:00.000-07:00

ralyn, janice and i went to marillac academy yesterday to borrow our high school batch's album. we're preparing as early as now for our reunion on december and we needed pictures for our portfolio.

i felt nostalgic as soon as i stepped into the gate. the students' clamor reminded me of how we have been 15 years ago. the same excited noise and chatter along the alley and the dreamy state of some who are still having their classes.

we went to the principal's office and told her the purpose of our visit. after talking about business for 5 minutes, ms. erasmo started to ask about our personal lives. gosh! it was a shock for me that she still remembers each one of us, where we live, how we were like years ago and all that stuff. she even noticed that janice and i haven't changed our surnames. omg!

anyways, she helped us go through the school's gallery to find our batch's album. we leafed through the 80's to the 90's...we found batches '94,'95, '97 and so on, but '96 was nowhere to be found. we tried every shelf but there was not a trace of our batch. we began to think that the nuns really hated our batch...or something : (

the '96 album is still missing in action as we speak. we are going back there in a week or so and we deeply hope that the proof of our youthful existence in the school of the daughters of charity will be there waiting for us.

starbuck's moment

2011-07-06T01:47:00.000-07:00

amidst the heavy rain due to a low pressure area in the region, me-myself-joanna marie, mader cris and knitzie found a way to meet each other, twilight time of yesterday.

knitzie and i warmed ourselves with cups of grande latté while waiting for mader cris. i haven't seen knitzie for a couple of months already...to point it out, since she started doing the night and/or early morning shift for a call center company. she's handling her new job pretty well. i got a doze of her funny phone-in encounters with clients. oh, we had a good laugh while talking animatedly in the jeepney from plaza libertad to sm mandurriao.

half an hour later when we were settled and warmed inside the café, mader cris came in her bluish-gray Pfizer uniform and her remarkable diamond-flower ring :) i miss her too! she complained as soon as she tasted the overly-sugared red velvet cake which she ordered. we talked about getting rich, going to Palawan, our sm days, photography, nikon vs. canon and me being her model (winks! winks!)

what a lovely rainy day to catch up with friends. i am so blessed of having such wonderful friends. i felt the need of thanking them over and over again for sharing their time with me, talking and laughing. it was one of those priceless moments.

from now on, i'll be more in-touched with my friends.

bollywood & gnomeo&juliet on a not-so-well day

2011-07-03T02:32:00.000-07:00

i survived the 9-hour night shift on friday night while enduring a running nose, sore throat and headache. huh! tough, yeah? i thought so too.

i went out of the workplace annoyed on a saturday because the sky was gloomy that i can't wear my sunglasses which annoyed me much more because that means that i can't hide my tired and red eyes. ugh!

when i came to big brother's house, kyra was already awake and she opened the door for me. i had a cup of coffee while tara and kyra were having their dress rehearsal. i was like "high".

when tara and ramir left for work, kyra asked me if i'd care to watch a movie with her. she said it was a very good movie and a "must-see" one. okay. i told her i might only see the first few minutes and i'd dozed off. she said, "no, mader! you should see the entire movie". i told her i'll try.

so we settled ourselves in tara and ramir's room with james' laptop, a roll of tissue and watched "ghajini", a bollywood love story. i agree with kyra, it was a good one: the lead actor (which i recognized from the "3 idiots" film) was brilliant! i'm a big fan of great acting, and he was superb! he put justice to the role that he was playing. the female lead star was beautiful and funny. so, i was starting to get hooked on the movie, forgetting the fact that i still haven't slept for over 12 hours and i have a headache, running nose and sore throat. when the usual bollywood montage played, i started to sleep. kyra shook me back to awareness. i did my best to watch the movie with half-opened eyes until i was hooked again.

after an hour, kyra left me because she had a class. i was left alone with "ghajini" and i was already chilling. i wrapped myself in a blanket and continued watching the movie. but i must have been feeling worse and wandered to unconsciousness before the movie ended. i woke up a couple of hours after when i heared james came into the room to get his laptop. i had the worst feeling ever! i haven't been sick for a long time, i forgot how it felt. my throat was dry, my head was throbbing and i was hungry. i tried to get up, ate something, took a paracet, went back to bed, wrapped myself in a blanket again and tried to go back to sleep. but i ended up staring at the ceiling. so i got up again and took a bath instead.

i was still curled up in bed when kyra came home from school. i told her that i was craving to eat chippy. we went out to buy some at the store. we decided to watch gnomeo and juliet afterwards. oh! the humor of the animation took me a little bit back to life. i regained much more energy when everyone started to come home...died down again on the way to guimbal and was back to a kicking mood when we reached papa and mama's place. i was okay...just a little weird for wearing a wool jacket during dinner while everyone else was sweating like a pig.

i took a high-dosage med after dinner and dozed off after an hour...

in sickness and in health

2011-07-03T01:20:00.000-07:00

3 days ago Gigi and Libeth changed their vows to each other. it was a promise that they made to each other and was witnessed by every teary-eyed family and friends who were present in their wedding ceremony.

as i was watching Libeth walk down the aisle in her shimmering gown and glowing beauty, the first thought that came into my mind was, "wow! 15 years ago, we were just girls who annoyed the nuns by being the last students to leave the school premises."

it was a heart-warming rite of passage. Gigi said on his speech that Libeth is the answer to his prayers. Libeth said that she is so lucky to have Gigi in her life. i say, they are both blessed to have each other.

to Gorgonio, III and Lilibeth, i wish you all the best in your married life. may you continue to love, respect and take care of each other through the years.

29th, the third time ; )

2011-06-29T18:42:00.000-07:00

i woke up over-hearing kyra and bibing's discussion over the shocking pregnancy of a young tv personality. it was half past 6 and the housemates were busy preparing for school and work.

i checked my cp and got my usual doze of sweet messages from my dear pulutong. what a wonderful day!

i wiggled around Faye's bed and after stretching my 29-year old body, i tried to go back to sleep. but after 30 minutes of wiggling and wriggling, i got up and emptied my bladder.

i talked to Kyra about the dress that i'm going to wear at Libet's wedding, while she was brushing her teeth...how are we gonna make up with my premature breasts so i would look good on my dress? oh, the same sentiments of a not-so-gifted-over-there gal! but we'll find something out. she promised me : )

i went back to bed and dozed for a bit until Kyra knocked on the door to say bye bye. she'll get back to me after her class this noon.

i got up again and asked James if i could possible borrow his laptop. i checked on the meaning of the wedding rituals while he was ironing his clothes and i asked him several questions about my damaged lappy...

he left for class after a while and i found myself alone in big brother's house. i made myself a cup of coffee had a little breakfast and washed the dishes. now, i am faced with a big dilemma, there's no water in the house....time to call superman or batman!

i feel so much better now. after being sick on the bus on my way to work last night, i decided to go straight to Tara and Ramir's place. i needed to rest, i knew that my body wouldn't have endured the 9-6 shift. and i wanted to be okay on Libet and Gigi's wedding. there are more important things in life than work, after all! ethereal stuffs like friendship and love and.....happiness on my 3rd 29th!

the day is young. so many astonishing things are about to happen today!

bawi

2011-06-27T07:13:00.000-07:00

my last post is so gloomy...i want to delete it but it's an episode of my existence so, it can stay where it is.

so today, babawi lang ako ng konti.

night shift ang drama ko dito sa e-main. an hour has passed, pero di pa dumadating ang task ko. gosh! sa heaven pa kaya galing yun or kay big brother lang? sana di ako makatulog.

approved na daw ang vacay ni pulutong ko! yehey! nagsaya naman ang kaluluwa ko! as in! excited na ako na ma meet sya in person. sana like nya pa rin ako pag nagkita na kami in person...wish wish wish *mahal na mahal kita pulutong ko*

naman! sobrang drama ang commute ekek ko today. isang oras ako naghintay ng ceres, panay pa ang stop nya, and hanggang mohon lang pala sya. nakakaloka. buti umabot pa ako before 9 dito.

sige, eto na lang muna ang bawi ko. may maisip pa sana akong mas masayang pangyayari later....

blue devil

2011-06-25T21:07:00.000-07:00

when anguish comes, it comes and strips off one's dignity. it usually attacks the deepest recesses of the soul...there is no better escape than the comfort of crying.

oh, blue devil, where did you come from? why do you even have to mug me now? go away, i beg you. you have no space in my being. i am holding on to the little sweet happiness of my everyday existence and i can't spare time for you....

a patient man

2011-06-22T18:44:00.000-07:00

Raegan is home for a 2-month vacation. since the day that he came home, he devoted his time with his kids and wife. i am just a quiet observer.

mornings are the busiest time in the house. Raegan would bellow on Khael and Keila to take a shower. Khael is independent but Keila is trying to have her way around her papa and Raegan would give her a bath and help her put on her school uniform. he would sit with them at the table while the kids eat their breakfast. he would call out on my sister and remind her that she's late for school. he would send the kids to school and wait for a jeepney for my sister.

that's his 1 hour routine on weekday mornings. he complains, yes. but he never stops doing his daily duty to his kids. and on weekends, he would treat them both to a hell-of-a-motorcycle ride.

i bet my father is happy that my sister married this patient man. although my father never really shows his appreciation. he could have learned a few fatherhood pointers from Raegan though...

counting....

2011-06-21T18:27:00.000-07:00

my pulutong sent me an email yesterday and he mentioned that it's only 75 days until we finally see each other, in person, for the first time. i am so looking forward to that day. if i can only manipulate the time and days to make the waiting time shorter, i would surely do it. but no. i have no power to do that. i guess, i'll just have to enjoy our daily chat online, talk over the phone, messages on cs, fb and sms, until he comes to iloilo.

and the countdown begins....

Orange And Lemons - Hanggang Kailan (Umuwi Ka Na Baby Acoustic)

2011-06-18T23:08:00.000-07:00

Check out more Myspace layouts at pYzam.

dear pulutong ko,

thank you for everything. i am grateful that we were able to find each other in this lifetime, and i hope (and i want) to spend it with you. you are the source of all the positive energies that surrounds me now. you are, my everything...

ti amo tantissimo, Cristian....

"whatever pain happens to us in the future, I accept it already, just for the pleasure of being with you now. let's enjoy this time. it's marvelous." - eat, pray, love by elizabeth gilbert

lesson learned

2011-06-18T04:56:00.001-07:00

never take anyone or anything for granted just because you know that they'll always be there for you no matter what. people and things may seem constant in our life, that's why we are so at peace to leave them in a corner, forget about them and get back to them later....unfortunately, and it happens most of the time, they aren't where and what they used to be when the time comes that we remember them...

treasure the people around you. show them how much you love them.

treasure the things around you. especially if it's a life saver in case of emergencies....to my pepper spray, sorry if i took you for granted. i thought you'd always be in my bag. wherever you are, i really miss you.

missing link

2011-06-16T01:02:00.000-07:00

i rummaged through my old stuffs this morning and i found a notebook where i kept all the text messages from my friends. the notebook is ten years old...so are the messages.

i was attacked by nostalgia right away. some messages made me laugh, some made me confused, some made me smile...but all of them made me long for all my friends who sent all those messages to me.

it took me back to a time when i was surely lost for i have just gotten out from the comforts of home. it made me see a very fragile girl, shocked for being in the real world for the first time and unsure of what that place has to offer her or what she can tender to it.

what amazed me though, is the fact that during that confusion period, i had friends who stuck with me and saw me through it all. we looked after each other and asked another to look after the other. that, to me, is very comforting. even after that metamorphosis, and even if i have to go through another one, i know in my heart that there is nothing for me to fear because i have friends whom i have shared a very special bond with and they have contributed a lot as i emerged from my cocoon. and even though we don't get in touch as often as we used to, i know that they are always there and will always be there for me.

i dedicate this blog to my patient friends: edgar salvador romena buyco jr., mariphel aubrey dagami, janice mondragon, marie tara rose lozano-molina, rosemarie jane dela pieza dasig and julian reynier tormon rando.

i thank you all so much for everything. i will always treasure our friendship, to eternity and forevermore. i love you, guys!

it has to be you....

2011-06-13T21:50:00.000-07:00

my mornings are stunning since...i can't even remember when it all started. (pulutong can you remember? you have the sharpest memory between the two of us)

okay, so i usually wake up to the sound of the roosters from the neighbor's backyard, clamors from kyla, khael and jed at 7 in the morning. then i'd reach out for my phone to check the time. what i will find there usually are messages from the sweetest creature named Cristian Pulutong Boarolo. my sleepy brain would automatically light up as soon as i see his name on the screen...my heart would stop the whole time that i'm reading his message...my cardiac organ would remain in comatose for a few seconds then it would beat animatedly for a long time, it feels like it's ready to jump out of my chest.

this morning!!! gosh! this morning, i got a poem from mio dolce pulutong! it took my breath away! my brain couldn't understand it but my heart fathomed it immediately. the poem said: il mio amore per te finirà quando un pittore cieco dipingerà il suono di uno spillo che cade su un pavimento di cristallo

i would like to thank the man who makes me feel so special, the man whom i love so much, the man who never drops an unanswered question, the man who has been into five surgeries, the man who pays attention to the tiniest significant details, the man who giggles when he's had too much to drink, the man who sends me a message when he wakes up from a bad dream in the middle of the night, the man who talks a lot even in his sleep, the man who is the master of tricks, the man who is admired by beautiful and chubby women, the man who uses the picture of Edward Cullen as his bookmark, the man who sings to me, the man who used to have a greyhound named BEE, the man who is crazy over asian women, the man whom i share boisterous fun and laughter with, the man whom i'm gonna meet soon, the man to whom i want to say "it has to be you..."

amore mio, thank you for finding me...because the truth is, i have been waiting to be found by someone like you. you just don't know how happy you are making me.

mahal na mahal kita

Better Together

2011-06-06T03:13:00.000-07:00

Check out more Myspace layouts at pYzam.

thinking of pulutong ko....

pizza hut, elias and the bell

2011-06-03T01:47:00.001-07:00

when i come to think of it, the movie date which turned out to be a lunch date with janice and mabeth last wednesday, was the first time ever that we went out, just the three of us, without the hubbub from our distant friends.

it was mabeth's idea to eat at pizza hut, which janice and i instantly agreed to. we sat patiently and chatted endlessly at the entrance while we waited to be accommodated. a good fifteen minutes later, a waiter led us to a vacant table. as he handed the menu to us and suggested for this and that, i can't help but stare at him, half-listening to his blah blah's. he was so over-flowing with confidence that was so impressive. i liked him instantly.

i shrunk and wouldn't look at him everytime that he pass by our table, and sometimes he would stop by to ask if we're doing okay or if we need anything else. i felt my face turn red when he took away our empty soup bowls. he held out his hand and i looked intently at his smooth palm and elongated fingers and i wanted to stretch out my hand to him. by then, mabeth and janice realized what's happening and they wanted to walk out on me and knock my head on the wall...or knock my head on the wall first then they'd walk out on me. but since they are my friends, they stormed me with their laughter, plus mabeth kicked me from across the table : (

clearly, elias is gay. but his carefree bearing was so attractive, and the aura that he exuded was so positive that whatever distress anyone was feeling at that moment, would fade away. that was how over-powering his presence was (to me, at least). however, his nearness overwhelmed me that i had to put my head in my bag to be able to breath. in the end, after an hour of tossing my pasta around my plate, mabeth asked for the bill. luckily, another waiter came to attend to us. i was able to breath normally again.

since i was so entertained by elias' gayish charm, and mabeth and janice were so satisfied with their pasta and pizza, mabeth did the honors of ringing the "i-am-happy-i-ate-here" bell on our way out. all the waiters at the resto stopped whatever they were doing when they heard the bell rang and clapped their hands. i was surprised and embarrassed that i didn't even dare to look back.

...yes, the sound of the bell woke me up from my "elias" enchantment...

you, silly thing

2011-05-31T01:52:00.000-07:00

thank you

for all the wonderful, inspiring words...our boisterous laughter...the time that you spend with me...the effort of calling everyday...for making me feel very special...for singing songs to me...for everything (even when you make me stop breathing at times)! salamat...

you are a very special person to me, pulutong. i am so lucky because you are always there for me. i wish i could make you feel how important you are to me. you are always in my thoughts. pardon me for being insensitive at times : (...

you are a "first-class-major-league-VIP" in my life.

my favorite ad....Nestle Philippines TV Commercial: Nestle 100 Years "Pag-Ibig"

2011-05-28T03:37:00.000-07:00

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out of practice

2011-05-26T02:07:00.000-07:00

i woke up with a bad headache. but this is not like the one i suffered from a few days ago. this one is self-inflicted. and yes! since i brought myself into this kind of distress, i have no right to whine!

i wholeheartedly accept this hang-over...and resolve to engage in drinking more often from now on so that my system will be used to alcohol.

sugar-overload

2011-05-23T17:19:00.000-07:00

"thirsty" is a habit. i always have one everytime i hang-out at the foodcourt to use sm's wi-fi. watermelon is my favorite...well next to pandan. but yesterday, it wasn't available so i opted for watermelon. i sipped my watermelon, as i settled into one of the most comfortable and isolated seats in the basement. one of my pleasurable, self-pampering methods ; )

at half past 6, i met ms. lors. i sent her a sms earlier yesterday if she'd care to meet me after her work. i was unwrapping my newly bought orange lipstick as i ran to meet her in front of bdo. oh, i was glad to see her!

we filled each other with updates about what's hot and what's not in our lives, then decided to try fried ice cream.

...fried ice cream! the best thing about it was that i got to choose through 5 to 6 varieties of dips, syrups, toppings and candy sticks! choosing between colorful nips, ube and choco sticks, cookies and cream and some other wonderful stuffs was making me crazy! i loved it! the choosing part. because then, for 2 minutes i get to focus into something.

i finally got what i wanted! pandan fried ice cream, with ube dip, buttons of nips, cookies and cream and choco sticks and ms. lors had everything with strawberry! if heaven doesn't have those, then i don't want to be there.

while we were waiting for our ice cream to be served, ms. lors was telling me about a zipline in guimaras. i was frantic! i have this bad habit of getting excited, with my voice rising to a few decibels, oblivious of where i am at the moment or whoever surrounds me. so, i was reacting with all my heart and emotions to the adventure that ms. lors and i were planning to do. my sudden bursts of "OMG!", "go!" and more "OMG's!" shocked the crew who was preparing our fried ice. i had to say sorry a lot of times for making him nervous.

huff! we ate our pandan and strawberry with gusto at the foodcourt while we animatedly planned for a weekend in the nearby island. i am so excited!!!!

after an hour of non-stop talking, she finally decided to go home and i had to go to tara and ramir's party. i picked up the mocha-crumble cake which i bought for the couple and ms. lors and i went out of the rain to get a cab.

i came an hour late for the anniv party. which was just right because by then, everyone has warmed-up, and i obviously didn't need one since i was overloaded with sweets already.

a mother's touch

2011-05-22T01:25:00.000-07:00

i have been suffering from a terrible headache since wednesday afternoon. i was in cyber niche when i suddenly felt my head spinning. since that day, i had the notion that my head wass getting heavier. the pain would revive the moment i gained consciousness. it would start on the front lobe of my brain and would linger at the back of my head. i had to hold on to something when i get up from my bed just to make sure that i don't fall on the floor.

this morning, it was the same. the pain was still there (mainly because i refused to take the medicine that my mother gave me).

i went to the kitchen to find my mom preparing something for breakfast. i complained about my headache the moment i got in the room. she listened patiently to my ramblings, went out of the room, then came back with a bottle of "herbal oil" or something of that sort. she put a drop of that oil on her palm, rubbed it on my neck and massaged my scalp, my head, my kukote. it felt soothing. what a treat early in the morning! i felt okay...not entirely headache-free...but okay : )

mothers know best, they say! i believe it now, along with the "healing effect" of a mother's touch.

thank you, nanay : )

doomsday?

2011-05-21T03:34:00.000-07:00

i never had any idea about it until the morning of the 16th of may, when mabeth's dad sent her a sms asking where she was. as per dad's sms "where are you? 21st is the end of the world. the day you were born"....

it was on the papers, radio, tv, everywhere. my friend abigail even posted on her fb wall "it can't be the end of the world when the carton of milk in her fridge will expire on the 27th"

janna, aby's friend ate all the eggs in her fridge since she loves eggs so much and if the world will stop revolving, she would have died happily and full...with eggs.

my sister didn't go out last night. she just stayed home and prayed. when i talked to her on skype today, she told me that she can't die yet because she hasn't confessed her sins to a priest...ugh!

everybody's fussing about the 21st. like, everything's going to really end today.

and here i am, dealing with a terrible headache. it is indeed a doomsday for me. so, i'll go home, take a paracet, sleep and see what will tomorrow be...

: )

2011-05-18T04:49:00.000-07:00

i am thankful....

i am happy....

i am at peace....

i am lucky....

i am singing songs again....

i am inspired....

i am hopping when i walk....

i am smiling all the time....

i am all that i am now....

....because of you, "my sweety sweety cutie cutie pulutong"....

33rd

2011-05-17T03:52:00.000-07:00

my parents will be celebrating their 33rd year of marriage tomorrow, the 18th of may.

this is one of the times when i feel truly proud of them. true, 33 years didn't just come to this in the sweetest route. their path of being together has been a hard one. but they didn't give up and made it to this.

sacrifices. my parents had to sacrifice a lot of things for us. my father had to work abroad for almost 11 years to give us a bright future and a comfortable way of life. my mom had to work all through those years that my father was away to help with the finances too. they didn't spend much time together (hmmm, i just realized that now) but at least, they're catching up with the missed times and are still together until now.

fights. oh well, they sure had a hell lot of them. i have been a witness to some of those "not-so-easy" moments. it wasn't one of the glorious seasons of their marriage! they got even close to separation! i was not able to witness that fight, but hearing about it from my cousin, i'm sure it was pretty bad! it was hell-bad, because my mom had to live with her sister for a week! pretty tough, huh!

love. i wouldn't qualify my parents for the "sweet couple" award. they're not showy with their affection in front of the kids...us. but i'm sure that their doting for each other lies in the deepest recesses of their beings. (naks!) and they call each other "bords". not sugary yet cool! i find that very cool, actually!

it's true what they say about, marrying someone whom you love to talk to. that is so true about my parents. i personally don't love the idea of spending a lot of time talking to them, especially to my father, but when i see both of them talking to each other, it's like never-ending...like, "wow! what are they talking about? and what's there to talk about?"

i am grateful to the stork who delivered me to my parents. as the first baby in the family, i'm sure i have been showered with so much love, hugs and kisses. (i said i'm sure because by the time i got "awareness" my parents were so busy with making money, that they forgot we needed hugs and kisses too. but this is no time for what should have beens.....

to my nanay and tatay, i love you both, so much. thank you for everything that you have done for our sake. congratulations for making it this far! happy 33rd!

what is your word?

2011-05-17T01:46:00.000-07:00

i am still reading elizabeth gilbert's "eat pray love"...she was trying to find her word since she met the Italian Giulio. today, she found her word! antevasin, Sanskrit for “one who lives at the border.”

coincidentally, i stumbled into a new word today : )

"pulutong"...a word which was coined by cristian boarolo. google translate made a big joke with him early in the day. eventhough we don't have an exact word as that, i appreciate the thought that goes with the strange word. so, by the power bestowed upon me by the not-so-always-properly-correct-google-translate, i hereby proclaim cristian, "my pulutong".

i love that word. pulutong. it's infinite. pulutong. it can mean anything, everything. pulutong. i can say it again and again and a million times all over again without getting tired of it. i also have this constant smile on my face when i remember cristian's thoughtfulness.

so cristian has his own word.....

now, what's my word?

James Morrison - You Give Me Something (New Version)

2011-05-16T01:30:00.000-07:00

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happy fiesta!

2011-05-15T23:11:00.000-07:00

finally! it was our time to fiesta!

thanks to all my high school friends who came over. i had a great time with you! no matter how "hotta day" it had been, it didn't stop us from clinging to each other from noon till dawn. thank you for helping me restore my fading memories of our high school days (i hope i'll be saved from alzheimer's too), for the fun and laughter and for the time that you've spent with me and my family. i love you, guys, to eternity and beyond.

p.s. my nanay missed you and loved having you around.

salamat

2011-05-11T04:25:00.000-07:00

thank you, Cristian, for this wonderful feeling that you're giving me : )

eat pray love by elizabeth gilbert

2011-05-10T03:08:00.000-07:00

after a long search in the national bookstore, i finally encountered elizabeth gilbert in the "self-help" book section.

since i am back to my old habit of sleeping with my books, elizabeth gilbert is one of my bedmates. oh! the wonderful feeling of waking up surrounded by books of different genre. i love it!

elizabeth gilbert is making me laugh, cry, smile, wonder, reflect and feel in-love. i love her na!

simple joy

2011-05-10T01:50:00.000-07:00

i wanted to take macko for a walk this morning. the minute that kikay saw me step out of the gate, she screamed at the top of her lungs "masunod ako!!!" before i knew it, kikay was rushing to me, and khael was on his way too, and they dropped by their friends' house to convince them to join us. okay, so much for my planned long and quiet walk with macko.

the kids didn't waste so much time, i've noticed. they were already taking their clothes off as soon as they saw the beach. and even before my feet touched the grayish sand, they were already jumping along with the waves. my own childhood flashed back in my mind as i watched the little kids having fun. their laughter was so pure, that if i close my eyes, i thought i can hold the sound of their amusement in my hand.

as the only girl in the pack, kikay felt left out. but that didn't stop her from finding ways to entertain herself. good enough that there are twigs, stones, rocks, dead corals and leaves that she can play with, when the boys were ignoring her.

the boys on the other hand, were so occupied with treading the rising waves and laughing.

after an hour, i told them that we have to go home. i didn't want them to get sunburned, no! and macko's tongue was about to fall off his mouth.

the trip back to the house took a lot more time than the way to the beach. obviously, the kids didn't want to leave the place yet. they lingered as much as they can. it was dragging but i didn't nag at them. i wanted to give them the luxury of time. that's all i can give them this summer.

O

2011-05-06T19:51:00.001-07:00

i miss you, my puppy love! how's heaven?

i went to mass yesterday and the priest said that i should feel lucky and happy if i know somebody up in heaven and i suddenly remembered you, kuya! i love you, kuya Oscar! big big hugs to you....

it's a rainy day and i have nowhere to hide

2011-05-06T19:45:00.000-07:00

i bought John Irving's "last night in twisted river" at the gardemoen before my flight on the 2oth of february. i tried to read it on the flight to bangkok, but i couldn't concentrate because a lot of things were playing on my mind so i put it aside. on the night that my sister was packing her things for her trip, i gave her the book. i thought she might be interested in it, and since she's going to have a long flight, a book would be a perfect company. she read the synopsis at the back of the book and she gasped. "what?!", i asked. she asked me back, "have you read the note at the back of this
book?". i shook my head sideways. she gave me back the "last night in twisted river" and said, "this book is for you. you should read it."

the note said....

"we don't always have a choice how we get to know one another. sometimes, people fall into our lives cleanly - as if out of the sky, or as if there were a direct flight from Heaven to Earth - the same sudden way we lose people, who once seemed they would always be part of our lives."

since i came back, i told Yvonne everything that i've been through. places that i've been, people i've met and lost, happy and sad memories, crazy adventures...everything.

march 5, 2010, saturday. i woke up to the sound of my alarm at 7 am. i felt nostalgic as i scanned the messages on my phone (stupid habit). my chest was almost bursting with too much emotions. i took a bath, put on my clothes and checked my luggage for the nth time. my friend, mabeth woke up at 8 and i wore my best smile to greet her a "good morning".
at 8.15, my sister sent me a sms that she's on her way to pick me up. mabeth and i took the elevator down to the lobby of the condo without saying anything. when my sister came, we threw our luggage in the trunk of the cab and waved goodbye to mabeth. just as manong driver started to drive, i burst out to my sister, "To, i feel so heartsick" and started to cry. i was annoyed because it was a rainy day and i can't wear my sunglasses to hide my eyes. but i still cried, for a simple reason that, i can't stop crying. yvonne tried to console me and offered me her hanky. manong driver gave me a confused look but i just ignored him.

when we arrived at the airport, i gave manong driver the fare and he drove off immediately. as if, he can't wait to get rid of a crazy passenger very early in the morning.

i was still having my fits as we fell in line to get in the airport. i wore my shades. i don't care if it was a gloomy day. i needed my shades.

my sister was still trying to rationalize my craziness as we waited for our luggage to be checked-in. when our turn came, the lady at the counter asked if i could take off my sunglasses for the SOP "eye-check". i hesitantly took off my pair of glasses and asked her if my masscara was smeared. she gave me an awkward smile and asked "maam, what happened? you know, everything's going to be okay. it's okay to cry. why, what happened?" i told her to talk to my psychologist, as i pointed to yvonne.

we found our way to the departure area. we sat quietly with the other passengers as we waited for boarding. then my sister turned to me and said, "i've never seen you cry. as in, never. you're always like a very happy, carefree soul. i may not understand what you're feeling right now, but i do know that this, too, shall pass". i just smiled at her and put on my shades back.

on the plane to iloilo, my sister pointed out to the clouds and the beautiful rays of mr. sun. at first, i just nod my head, but later on, i joined her in appreaciating the beauty of the puffy clouds. 15 minutes before landing, i practiced my smile. my sister thought i was really out of my mind. one minute i was crying, and the next, i was smiling. well, i
needed to practice my smile and put on happiness in my heart and on my face. my mom hasn't seen me for 4 years and 3 months and i didn't want her to see me all rotten.

good thing, the sun was shinning as we landed in iloilo! the warm breeze gave me a wonderful feeling. as my mom came to give me a big big hug, all the awful feelings within me evaporated in the clean air of iloilo. i felt rejuvenated.

and as for the note at the back of john irving's book...i know that people come to my life for a reason. they may not stay for long, but their memories will. i have loved them all and i will always carry them in my heart. i will always treasure them. i may feel nostalgic time and time again, but as my sister said, "this, too, shall pass." i believe her.

paraiso

2011-05-06T18:37:00.000-07:00

justine clio marquez-ostique was in iloilo last night and she summoned us (tara, ayè, buddy mitch, pai and myself + mader cris) in stanley's talabahan in villa. it was great to spend some time with the vocal-not-afraid-to-use-vulgar-words cli-cli. i expected it to be a super fun night, reminiscing about the old intermedius days, cli-cli's throaty laughter, mitch's unexpected fall from the chair at the bar, ayè's frustrating attempt at understanding niponggo and french, cheering tara for having a bottle of beer...

i can't really recall who started the idea of going to paraiso. must be the blurry effect after dozing off two bottles of red horse. before i knew it, tara's high school friends were there to accompany us in going to the red lights district.

i remember when we were starting out in intermedius, nang marianne promised to take us for an immersion in a gay bar. she must have realized that we were too young and too naive that time. we all forgot about it.

and last night was the night. wahahaha! we were excited and scared at the same time (for us girls, at least). the boys said they were ashamed to be seen in a place like that, but hey! so are we!

as bench drove along jm basa st., we were giggling and laughing, but when we got out of the everest, we were as quiet as we can be. we climb the steep and narrow stairs up to the gay bar whispering to each other. when we paid at the entrance, dark images started to appear. we thought of backing out. but, well, for an educational experience, going to a gay bar is not that bad. (ahuh! defensive!)

i felt sorry for all those boys dancing on the stage. my goodness! they were young! 18-20 years old. i wonder why they opted to make that as a source of living. okay, i don't want to judge them for choosing that kind of job...i just drank my beer and let my eyes wander around the place, observing how discreet men, gays and women behave, noticing where people go when they suddenly disappear from their table and definitely did not go to the washroom or the exit door, observing how those guys attract customers.

it was a whole new experience. period.

tears of frustration

2011-05-05T02:51:00.000-07:00

since i haven't heard anything from the University of Stavanger last May 1, i assumed that i didn't get in the program. i made a press release to all my friends that i failed in the screening. they felt bad, i felt bad...but there's something in me that kept on wishing and hoping that i'd get in.

today, my failure is confirmed. i finally got my rejection letter fom UiS. the truth hurts. i had to read the letter several times hoping that when i wink or squeeze my eyes and open them again, the words will transform and reveal a positive note. but no. i really didn't get in the program.

i feel like crying. angry tears...sad tears.

i feel like all the doors are closing on me now. all i've ever heard from the companies which i applied to, were rejection. and this time, the only rope that i've been holding on to ripped off and i'm falling, falling into the abyss.

i want to believe that there's a reason for all of these somehow. i want to be the most optimistic person in the world. but right now, i need to curl back into my shell and hibernate for as long as my heart and soul are recharged back to life.

liar! liar!

2011-05-04T00:27:00.000-07:00

joanna marie woke up in the middle of the night with a very bad conscience.

it's terrible to be lied at...but it's more than gruesome to be the liar! especially if the person has been very nice to you, has made you feel so special and all...yet, there goes the deception...

what a dreadful person i am!

Travis - Happy

2011-04-29T02:23:00.000-07:00

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intermedius workshop

2011-04-29T01:44:00.000-07:00

as usual, last minute na naman ang drama ko. if tara didn't send me those dramatic, overly dramatic text messages about me, treating her only as a fair-weather friend, i couldn't have made up my mind.

so here i am, my bag is packed up for the weekend workshop and all ready to be picked up at around 1900.

i didn't feel the excitement about this workshop until now. weeee!!! i'm not ready for the "workshop" per se...but i'm more excited to see the i pipol! to sleep like a "sardinas" on top of a blackboard, to share a malong, to stay up until early morning rehearsing for the plays...and maybe, just maybe, to see ramon again. jitters!

okay, at this point, i should start internalizing...huff! breath in..breath out..

tambay with janice

2011-04-18T04:17:00.000-07:00

as usual, wara riman ako ti ma ubra sa balay. ano pa, gin text ko na naman si janice kung pwede ako maka tambay kana. mayad lang pimi lang available man si janice. may karamay ako always sa ka dramahan ko sa kabuhi.

mayad gid kay naka kugos ruman ako kay jen-jen. and! friends na kami ni alice! gin taghul na pa ako pag abot ko gd pero after a while, nag surrender na rin sya sa charm ko. namian gd ako kang fur na. kaurumol!

nag kiss ako kay tita. tas, nagpanaw ren kami ni janice pa guibongan.

hapit kami sa sea breeze kay nag inquire tana sa rate kang mga cottages. tas nagbalik pa gd kami kay nagbakal pamahaw. tapos tambay kami sa higad baybay with our chippy and mr. chips kag mountain dew nga nabutang sa plastic. kaka miss!

amo to. pungko lang kami sa baras kag mag sagay ka storya about sa kung anu-ano lang ah! daw kanami gd nga daan mag storya kay janice kay ka relate gd tana kanakon kag namian gd ako mamati man kang ana nga mga istorya. daw almost everyday man kami gani ga kitaay pero wara gd kami nagakawad-an kang mga storyahan. nami gd man kung may friend kaw ah! sadya lang pirmi.

ay...may nagparapit pa gali kanamon na lalaki. mga 17 years old siguro. namangkot kung taga guibongan kami. mangkot mangkot gamay, tapos naghalin man. burubhay nagbalik pa gid. namangkot kung pwede daw tana makapangayo ka number namon. aw sus ah! grabe gd ang harakhak namon ni janice eh! hambal ni janice, "ahay toto, sa iban ka na lang pangayo number kay mal am tamon ron". baw si toto, ma insist pa daad garing kay ginsagay pa gd namon kakinadlawan ni janice, mayad lang kay naghalin man tana.

haiz...amo to! nalab utan ren kami ka sunset rugto. kanami lang kang feeling. katawhay tawhay. nami guro adlaw adlawon namon ay....

felix, my sweet orc

2011-04-14T03:59:00.000-07:00

i finally talked to felix kvamme on skype this morning. oh, i miss him a lot. he was super excited to show me his new star wars lego. and i was so eager to hear all about his ramblings. i miss him! i miss him!

i had to twist my tongue and brain here and there to be able to speak norsk again. phew! i was relieved that i managed to talk to felix. we still understand each other. haha! the bond is still there! i'm so overwhelmed!

isla bora

2011-04-14T03:20:00.000-07:00

...the girls. ended up in bora after a long trip from iloilo to roxas to pan-ay to kalibo...and after this pictorial, the roadtrip continued to antique and joanna marie called it a day at hilltop with her high school friends : )

i hope we can do this roadtrip again. i had a time of my life! thank you mader tara and mader ramir. i love you both!

glow-in-the-dark

2011-04-06T04:01:00.000-07:00

sleeping in my old room means, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars, comets, spaceships, planets, moon and smileys before dozing to dreamland. nothing has changed. i counted the stars and they're all still glued on the ceiling. i'm like a child again, amused by the light that they bring out when my room gets oh-so-dark! i love it!

bacolod

2011-03-28T02:26:00.000-07:00

i spent the weekend with my bestfriends, marie tara rose lozano-molina, reynier julian tormon rando and cristeta jimenea-dayot, in the city of smiles. it was so nice to be reconnected with three souls drenched with the passion for food, fun and laughter.

the photo above was taken on our way down from the zip line at mambukal hot spring resort.

astraea

2011-03-14T09:40:00.000-07:00

my little sister is at NAIA, waiting for her flight to Hongkong. i feel very very sad right now, as i sit all alone in our room. since i came back home, we have spent sleepless nights just catching up with each other's lives. right here in this room, we giggled, laughed, whispered, threw pillows at each other, shared secrets and discovered some well-kept secrets (bwahahaha). for a week, we filled this room with fun and laughter.

yvonne and i haven't seen each other for four years. i didn't realize how much i miss her until i saw her enter netopia cyber cafè in sm sucat the day after i arrived in manila. my little sister is not so little anymore. she's very pretty and i envy the attention that she gets from the guys when we stroll in the mall. hmp! (hehehe) i was even surprised by how outspoken she has become. she would ask me questions that left me dumbfounded. she has become very religious and just seeing her dress up and go to church on wednesdays, sundays and fridays makes me sick. she has been my critic, my dinner date and my swimming companion. i really enjoyed her company. we never ran out of things to talk about.

they say, growing apart is a part of growing up. i understand that she has to go and experience more of life. i also know that she will love the adventure that awaits her. and i wish her all the best.

waaaahhhh!!! i miss her so much already and i don't want to sleep alone.

take me back to Stryn

2011-03-01T08:28:00.000-08:00

i can't sleep. my system is still channelled on the other side of the world. it's only 16:19 in Norway and it's already 23:19 here in Manila. i have been restless the whole day. and in times like these, i miss the forest in Stryn. when i feel hyperactive, crazy or sad, i'll just have to hop on my shoes and run wild in the forest. after i've shed all the
unnecessary energy and my body was refilled with oxygen, i felt so much better.

now, it's a different story. my friend's apartment is at the 7th floor of a 10-floor building. there's a mall on the other side of our building and on the other corner, another building is being constructed. there is no place that i can run or walk. (oh, i feel like crying now)

after dinner, i felt bloated. i needed to take a walk and i told mabeth that i'm going to do so. i walked through the hallway. back and forth. after a couple of turns, i walked to the exit area. stairs! great! i jogged up to the 9th floor and down to the 2nd floor. i did it until i can't catch my breath. i decided to walk back to the apartment but when i
recovered my breathing, i wanted to jog more. so i went back to the stairs, straight to the reception area at the ground floor, and asked the guard if it's still okay to go to the pool area. when he said yes, i rejoiced! i felt the need to be with my element. i walked around the pool area, inhaled the outdoor air and felt my being. just when i
was circling in to my first round, another guard came to me and asked me which unit i am in the building and gave me a wondering and disapproving look. i know, they are not used of seeing tenants walking around the vicinity of the building at 9:30 in the evening. but i needed to take a walk. and i needed to be alone. ugh! when another guard came into the scene, i finished my third round and went back to the apartment. the guards were nice, alright. i just didn't feel that i needed security while walking around the pool.

i miss Stryn. i miss the forest. i miss being carefree. i miss everything in Norway.

g, help our children

2011-02-28T22:10:00.000-08:00

a week in manila re-opened my eyes to reality. life is hard. poverty is everywhere. traffic is something that has to be dealt with everyday...with patience, lots and tons of patience. you can never trust anyone. you always have to look out for yourself. when the jeepney driver says, "there's still a lot of space inside", he's lying. you have to submit yourself to frisking everytime you go in the mall. handkerchief is a necessity, as well as a handy fan. you have to get in the bus in the middle of the highway...

street children are everywhere...

children at the age of six or seven, the youngest i've seen was maybe around 4, dressed in ragged clothes, skinny, dirt and hunger are written all over their faces, their eyes speak of sadness, helplessness and maturity that can be, and supposedly, can ONLY be seen on grown-ups who have gone through a lot in life. they get on the jeepneys and pass on empty envelopes to each passengers. my heart melts everytime i see them. those children were supposed to be in school or playing with their friends. but there they were. scattered everywhere, asking anyone for money. forced to make a living.

if, only, i can be of help to them... i would bring back their innocence and let them experience the joys of childhood. i would take them all in a place where they can be protected from the harsh blows of life. i would provide everything for them so that they wouldn't have to worry about anything else. i would let them play all day.

it breaks my heart that i couldn't help them at all. even if i give them money, what difference can that make? the next day they would still be out there, doing the same thing. i worry about those children. the government is, definitely, not doing anything for them.

jose rizal said, " the children are the hope of our nation". if this scenario continues, i see no hope at all. my country's future is doomed.

happy, yipee, yehey

2011-02-25T08:38:00.000-08:00

i can't miss this one. i just had to write about it, because it's mabeth's favorite noontime show : )

the name of the show is "happy, yipee, yehey!" at 12:30, she's in front of the television, enjoying the over-flowing energy of the show's hosts, the super-responsive studio audience and the show's theme song. yes! mabeth is singing along to the show's theme song! what's worse? she's dancing to the song's choreography. she's giving me goosebumps and i asked her to stop singing and dancing but she just ignored me : (

on my second day here in manila, i watched the show with her. after an hour or so, i fell asleep. the minute i woke up, the song played in my head. instantly! i panicked! it can't be!

i always have this tendency for a last song syndrome. but please, not "happy,yipee,yehey!" oh, g! the song is playing again.....

baclaran church

2011-02-25T00:23:00.000-08:00

when my sister, mabeth and i met on tuesday, the two girls talked about going to baclaran church (aka mother of perpetual help church) the next day. mabeth was just a meter away from me when she asked me to go with them but i pretended to be deaf, blind and pipi.

they both know that i'm not really a religious person. i was...but something happened along the way, and now, i couldn't find the religious faith that i grew up with. all i know is that, one doesn't have to be religious to do good deeds. as long as i am not hurting anyone, as long as i try to help those who need me, as long as i don't loose my values, i can sleep well at night.

but since going-to-church got two votes out of three, i gave in and tried to conform with the majority.

wednesday. baclaran's big day. like BIG day. i've never seen so many people gathered in one place at a time since 1995's world youth day. we had to squeeze ourselves through a crowd of street vendors, cars and devoteès to get in the church's vicinity. in the end, we ended in the left wing of the church. we stood amongst people who had different intentions of being there, but with the same intense faith.

i was more of an outsider in that scenario. an observer as to how people lift up their prayers to the god and a listener to the priest's sermon.

this is a country of people who trusts the god more than anything else in the world. all their problems (even the petty worries in life) and thanksgiving are all raised to the god in heaven. even through diversity and adversity, they are bound together in prayers. i salute them. i admire their faith. i know, for sure, that whatever struggles they
may have in life, the Filipino faith is one of a kind...the kind that survives the tests of life.

punchlines today! starring Jillian and Aby

2011-02-12T12:58:00.000-08:00

"ikaw talaga Joanna! palagi ka na lang naghahanap ng wala. meron naman jang ano, pero yung wala talaga yung hinahanap mo!"

"ayoko ng tumingin sa salamin. nasusuka na akong tingnan ang pagmumukha mo!"

"bakit? mukha ko ba ang nakikita mo pag tumitingin ka sa salamin?"

"outside we go, now? you understand me, no?"

"girl, pwedeng iwan ko dito si kuya geir?" (si scott sana yun! sorry kuya geir...)

"ate aby, wala ka na naman sa tono."

"binabasa mo kasi eh! kantahin mo!"

"nag drama ka no? ang pula kaya ng mata mo"

"ate Joanna special yan! tingnan mo, ang kinis kaya ng pagka kalbo nya. sa'n ka naman nakakita ng kalbo na may bangs? ikaw talaga! di ka marunong mag appreciate"

"umiiral na naman ang pagiging demonyo mo"

"hihintayin ka na naman namin, as usual"

"ang init! ang init! summer na!"

"...yung nagko collect ng pera..."

"'wag muna tayong magkita ng mga ilang weeks ha..."

"ate Aby, sapatusin mo muna ako"

did you know?

2011-02-11T16:22:00.000-08:00

....that a shot of cognac is good for the colds?

oh yes! thanks to Leon for the tip. and thanks to Kjersti and Finn-Einar for storing a bottle of cognac in the house : )

not only am i enjoying my consistent-as-ritual-alcohol-weekend, but i'm also savoring the smooth and fiery flow of cognac in my throat. aaahhh!

tomorrow, i will be fine again. no more colds! no more sore throat! just a fine joanna marie on a fine day with mr. sun (hopefully)

pareng gubat at si scott

2011-02-09T06:29:00.000-08:00

Customize a slideshow design

my favorite animè characters on memory

2011-02-08T14:28:00.000-08:00

...you know there's something i believe. i want to try to live my life carrying all my memories with me. and even if those memories are painful, even if they do nothing but hurt me, i want to keep them. even those memories i sometimes wish i could forget. as long as i carry them with me, as long as i can keep holding on...and someday, someday i will be strong enough that those memories don't hurt me anymore. and i'll be glad that i have them. that's what i thought, with all my heart.

that's why all my memories are precious to me. i don't think it would be okay to forget a single one. (momiji)

all of my memories, i wanna keep them close to my heart...and i wanna go on believing, i'm going to hold on. no matter how hard it might be sometimes. i never want to forget. because someday, i will be strong enough. all of the memories that are painful now, they won't hurt anymore. and when that day comes, i'll be glad that i have them. yes, all of my memories are precious to me, every single one. (tohru honda)

fruits basket, episode 15