oh, my Kuya!

i miss you Kuya Oscar. i may have not written to you for a long time but you are here in my heart. you will always be a part of my short-term memory. kuya....well, kuya, it's not only when i'm sad that i remember you, okay? it's just that, i miss our long walks and my endless monologue and i miss your face everytime you look up to me and you give me a "what's wrong again, Joan?" look. i miss you so much. oh, i need a big big hug from you...

breaking one's self to zero

she laid still in bed as soon as she opened her eyes on a rainy morning. she called on her senses to wake up. she felt the twinge on the tip of her toes, smelled the odor of the earth, saw the universe in the blurry daylight, and tasted the sourness of her saliva. everything outside her rumbled. she remain unwavered as the strong wind and rain crashed on the window pane. she closed her eyes and focused on her senses. she felt wonderful. she felt powerful that, it is somehow possible to be still and calm even if the outside forces are in chaos.she wished that she could have more days like this one. she prayed that the stillness will envelope her for a long long time. she hoped that she'll feel this safe for all time.



"the only tyrant i accept in this world, is the still voice within" - Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

lys til Norge

my deepest sympathy to all the Norwegian people for what happened on the 22nd of July in Oslo and UtǾya. may the innocent victims rest in peace and their loved ones be comforted.

love love love

i love waking up in the middle of the night with a message from pulutong ko in my phone. and last night, i got this poem from Cristian ko.

toglimi la vita e sarò un anima toglimi il tuo amore e sarò un anima persa

amore della mia vita, io sono fortunata per averti.

grazie mille

heart says...

i've had my heart broken...i've cried and moved on...it's okay, really. i can handle being hurt. i can forgive easily. what's NOT okay is, to be the one to break someone else's heart. i won't be able to forgive myself for that.

i resolve to love and love only you, pulutong ko, for the rest of my life. you can break my heart, but one thing is for sure, i will never break yours.

happy 7th, kikay

happy happy birthday to our beautiful monster, keila palmos!

countdown

dear pulutong ko, i am thankful everyday that you came into my life. i am blessed that i have someone to love and someone who loves me back. what we have is something special and i have to agree with you when you mentioned in your letter that "we are going to have the best love story ever". thank you for everything, pulutong ko. our story is still in the making and we'll keep the story going everyday, and i gladly wait in anticipation how it's gonna end...but wait, we don't really need an ending, right? we can just keep the story going and going, chapter by chapter...

ti amo tantissimo, amore della mia vita

MIA

ralyn, janice and i went to marillac academy yesterday to borrow our high school batch's album. we're preparing as early as now for our reunion on december and we needed pictures for our portfolio.

i felt nostalgic as soon as i stepped into the gate. the students' clamor reminded me of how we have been 15 years ago. the same excited noise and chatter along the alley and the dreamy state of some who are still having their classes.

we went to the principal's office and told her the purpose of our visit. after talking about business for 5 minutes, ms. erasmo started to ask about our personal lives. gosh! it was a shock for me that she still remembers each one of us, where we live, how we were like years ago and all that stuff. she even noticed that janice and i haven't changed our surnames. omg!

anyways, she helped us go through the school's gallery to find our batch's album. we leafed through the 80's to the 90's...we found batches '94,'95, '97 and so on, but '96 was nowhere to be found. we tried every shelf but there was not a trace of our batch. we began to think that the nuns really hated our batch...or something : (

the '96 album is still missing in action as we speak. we are going back there in a week or so and we deeply hope that the proof of our youthful existence in the school of the daughters of charity will be there waiting for us.

starbuck's moment

amidst the heavy rain due to a low pressure area in the region, me-myself-joanna marie, mader cris and knitzie found a way to meet each other, twilight time of yesterday.

knitzie and i warmed ourselves with cups of grande latté while waiting for mader cris. i haven't seen knitzie for a couple of months already...to point it out, since she started doing the night and/or early morning shift for a call center company. she's handling her new job pretty well. i got a doze of her funny phone-in encounters with clients. oh, we had a good laugh while talking animatedly in the jeepney from plaza libertad to sm mandurriao.

half an hour later when we were settled and warmed inside the café, mader cris came in her bluish-gray Pfizer uniform and her remarkable diamond-flower ring :) i miss her too! she complained as soon as she tasted the overly-sugared red velvet cake which she ordered. we talked about getting rich, going to Palawan, our sm days, photography, nikon vs. canon and me being her model (winks! winks!)

what a lovely rainy day to catch up with friends. i am so blessed of having such wonderful friends. i felt the need of thanking them over and over again for sharing their time with me, talking and laughing. it was one of those priceless moments.

from now on, i'll be more in-touched with my friends.

bollywood & gnomeo&juliet on a not-so-well day

i survived the 9-hour night shift on friday night while enduring a running nose, sore throat and headache. huh! tough, yeah? i thought so too.

i went out of the workplace annoyed on a saturday because the sky was gloomy that i can't wear my sunglasses which annoyed me much more because that means that i can't hide my tired and red eyes. ugh!

when i came to big brother's house, kyra was already awake and she opened the door for me. i had a cup of coffee while tara and kyra were having their dress rehearsal. i was like "high".

when tara and ramir left for work, kyra asked me if i'd care to watch a movie with her. she said it was a very good movie and a "must-see" one. okay. i told her i might only see the first few minutes and i'd dozed off. she said, "no, mader! you should see the entire movie". i told her i'll try.

so we settled ourselves in tara and ramir's room with james' laptop, a roll of tissue and watched "ghajini", a bollywood love story. i agree with kyra, it was a good one: the lead actor (which i recognized from the "3 idiots" film) was brilliant! i'm a big fan of great acting, and he was superb! he put justice to the role that he was playing. the female lead star was beautiful and funny. so, i was starting to get hooked on the movie, forgetting the fact that i still haven't slept for over 12 hours and i have a headache, running nose and sore throat. when the usual bollywood montage played, i started to sleep. kyra shook me back to awareness. i did my best to watch the movie with half-opened eyes until i was hooked again.

after an hour, kyra left me because she had a class. i was left alone with "ghajini" and i was already chilling. i wrapped myself in a blanket and continued watching the movie. but i must have been feeling worse and wandered to unconsciousness before the movie ended. i woke up a couple of hours after when i heared james came into the room to get his laptop. i had the worst feeling ever! i haven't been sick for a long time, i forgot how it felt. my throat was dry, my head was throbbing and i was hungry. i tried to get up, ate something, took a paracet, went back to bed, wrapped myself in a blanket again and tried to go back to sleep. but i ended up staring at the ceiling. so i got up again and took a bath instead.

i was still curled up in bed when kyra came home from school. i told her that i was craving to eat chippy. we went out to buy some at the store. we decided to watch gnomeo and juliet afterwards. oh! the humor of the animation took me a little bit back to life. i regained much more energy when everyone started to come home...died down again on the way to guimbal and was back to a kicking mood when we reached papa and mama's place. i was okay...just a little weird for wearing a wool jacket during dinner while everyone else was sweating like a pig.

i took a high-dosage med after dinner and dozed off after an hour...

in sickness and in health

3 days ago Gigi and Libeth changed their vows to each other. it was a promise that they made to each other and was witnessed by every teary-eyed family and friends who were present in their wedding ceremony.

as i was watching Libeth walk down the aisle in her shimmering gown and glowing beauty, the first thought that came into my mind was, "wow! 15 years ago, we were just girls who annoyed the nuns by being the last students to leave the school premises."

it was a heart-warming rite of passage. Gigi said on his speech that Libeth is the answer to his prayers. Libeth said that she is so lucky to have Gigi in her life. i say, they are both blessed to have each other.

to Gorgonio, III and Lilibeth, i wish you all the best in your married life. may you continue to love, respect and take care of each other through the years.