separation anxiety

last night, i slept with dried tears on my cheeks and Carlos Ruiz Zafon's "The Shadow of the Wind" wrapped in my arms.

i have been engulfed to a certain level of intimacy with Fermin, Daniel, Julian, Nuria and all the great characters in the book. for the past two weeks, i wandered the streets of Barcelona with them, got soaked in the rain, shared their fear, frustration, hatred and love, got involved in their tangled relationship, laughed and cried with them and literally slept with them. i didn't want that experience to end even if it broke my heart at some point. even if it scared me that i can hardly sleep.

i didn't want the story to end, because those characters have been a part of me. they were here to keep me company, to occupy my heart and mind. i allowed them to possess me. they awakened my senses and emotions.

when i was reading the last few pages of the book, i felt that everyone of them was slipping away from me. even fermin, whom i considered as my best friend. i felt that they were abandoning me. they went on with their lives and i was left all alone. embracing the book after i read the last sentence was a matter of holding them back....keeping them close to me...keeping them alive in my mind.

....you see, some people's fantasy is my reality.


synopsis of "The Shadow of the Wind", taken from the back cover of the book:

Hidden in the heart of the old city of Barcelona is the "Cemetery of Forgotten Books", a labyrinthine library of obscure and forgotten titles. To this library, a man brings his ten-year-old son, Daniel, one cold morning in 1945. Daniel is allowed to choose one book and from the dusty shelves pulls 'The Shadow of the Wind' by Julian Carax. But as Daniel grows up, several people seem inordinately interested in his find. What begins as a case of literary curiosity turns into a race to find out the truth behind the life and death of Julian Carax and to save those he left behind.