a friend asked me last night "what's your plan? what are you going to do with your life?"
i swear, those are the questions i hate so much. a person should NOT insist on asking those questions when i answer "i don't know" because again, i swear, there's a huge possibility that i'm going to hate that person too.
i have been occupied lately. for one, i am a full-time sub-parent since it's summer vacation. Felix has been keeping me busy by asking me to draw some of the StarWars characters and spaceships. there are a million things to do in the house. when the sun is out, i want to be out too! i always go out to meet my friend and indulge in unhealthy eating habit and heart-warming laughter. when i get home, i see at least one episode of "desperate housewives". then i hit the sheets.
one thing that i have been putting off these past days is my future. i hate to think about it because i get indigestion. of course i worry what's going to happen a month or a year from now. i might be in my future, but right now i can't see myself as anything or with anyone in particular. it's just a complete blank.
lately, a friend and i have been saying "this is our last day". we are trying to live each day as if our last. we eat like we are going to be hanged the next day. we laugh like there's no tomorrow.
maybe...and unconsciously, this is my way of putting my future in place. by living each day as it comes. everyday is like a tiny piece of a puzzle that would eventually lead to a picture-perfect future. i just need to be calm and patient. i might stumble on the wrong piece now and then, but i know, i can connect everything and make my life whole.
as we speak, i am not in my future. i am in the "now". so i will drink my cup of tea, savor the lemon flavor in it, enjoy the view of the mountain and fjord and take mental pictures of every little detail of today.
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