it's a rainy day and i have nowhere to hide

i bought John Irving's "last night in twisted river" at the gardemoen before my flight on the 2oth of february. i tried to read it on the flight to bangkok, but i couldn't concentrate because a lot of things were playing on my mind so i put it aside. on the night that my sister was packing her things for her trip, i gave her the book. i thought she might be interested in it, and since she's going to have a long flight, a book would be a perfect company. she read the synopsis at the back of the book and she gasped. "what?!", i asked. she asked me back, "have you read the note at the back of this
book?". i shook my head sideways. she gave me back the "last night in twisted river" and said, "this book is for you. you should read it."

the note said....

"we don't always have a choice how we get to know one another. sometimes, people fall into our lives cleanly - as if out of the sky, or as if there were a direct flight from Heaven to Earth - the same sudden way we lose people, who once seemed they would always be part of our lives."

since i came back, i told Yvonne everything that i've been through. places that i've been, people i've met and lost, happy and sad memories, crazy adventures...everything.

march 5, 2010, saturday. i woke up to the sound of my alarm at 7 am. i felt nostalgic as i scanned the messages on my phone (stupid habit). my chest was almost bursting with too much emotions. i took a bath, put on my clothes and checked my luggage for the nth time. my friend, mabeth woke up at 8 and i wore my best smile to greet her a "good morning".
at 8.15, my sister sent me a sms that she's on her way to pick me up. mabeth and i took the elevator down to the lobby of the condo without saying anything. when my sister came, we threw our luggage in the trunk of the cab and waved goodbye to mabeth. just as manong driver started to drive, i burst out to my sister, "To, i feel so heartsick" and started to cry. i was annoyed because it was a rainy day and i can't wear my sunglasses to hide my eyes. but i still cried, for a simple reason that, i can't stop crying. yvonne tried to console me and offered me her hanky. manong driver gave me a confused look but i just ignored him.

when we arrived at the airport, i gave manong driver the fare and he drove off immediately. as if, he can't wait to get rid of a crazy passenger very early in the morning.

i was still having my fits as we fell in line to get in the airport. i wore my shades. i don't care if it was a gloomy day. i needed my shades.

my sister was still trying to rationalize my craziness as we waited for our luggage to be checked-in. when our turn came, the lady at the counter asked if i could take off my sunglasses for the SOP "eye-check". i hesitantly took off my pair of glasses and asked her if my masscara was smeared. she gave me an awkward smile and asked "maam, what happened? you know, everything's going to be okay. it's okay to cry. why, what happened?" i told her to talk to my psychologist, as i pointed to yvonne.

we found our way to the departure area. we sat quietly with the other passengers as we waited for boarding. then my sister turned to me and said, "i've never seen you cry. as in, never. you're always like a very happy, carefree soul. i may not understand what you're feeling right now, but i do know that this, too, shall pass". i just smiled at her and put on my shades back.

on the plane to iloilo, my sister pointed out to the clouds and the beautiful rays of mr. sun. at first, i just nod my head, but later on, i joined her in appreaciating the beauty of the puffy clouds. 15 minutes before landing, i practiced my smile. my sister thought i was really out of my mind. one minute i was crying, and the next, i was smiling. well, i
needed to practice my smile and put on happiness in my heart and on my face. my mom hasn't seen me for 4 years and 3 months and i didn't want her to see me all rotten.

good thing, the sun was shinning as we landed in iloilo! the warm breeze gave me a wonderful feeling. as my mom came to give me a big big hug, all the awful feelings within me evaporated in the clean air of iloilo. i felt rejuvenated.

and as for the note at the back of john irving's book...i know that people come to my life for a reason. they may not stay for long, but their memories will. i have loved them all and i will always carry them in my heart. i will always treasure them. i may feel nostalgic time and time again, but as my sister said, "this, too, shall pass." i believe her.