the year that was

on this day a year ago, i found myself disoriented as i set foot on philippine soil again after 4 years and 3 months of being far far away.

compared to other people who felt elated by being back home, i felt differently. yes, i was indifferent. i was sad and full of regrets. i wanted to be anywhere but here. the feeling worsened when i passed through the customs, and the officer asked me for some "lagay". my god! they already tortured my nervous system when i left this country! five years have passed and they're still practicing that disgraceful habit?! what a shame!

it was a good thing that mabethskie was there to meet me at NAIA. or else, i could have had a nervous breakdown right then and there. i am so grateful for her presence in my life, especially on that moment. she gave me sanctuary in the time when i was so lost.

i remember the first thing that i said to her when we got in the cab..." i don't want to be here. i want to be on the next plane bound for Norway". i was teary beyond imagination. mabethskie just hushed me off because i was being vulgar and the cab driver was being curious. hmp!

we arrived at mabeth's brother's apartment at around 2. we just took a rest then we went to the supermarket to buy some stuffs. then we came to the laundry and cleaning section. i cried again, triggered by the thought that this time, i will have to manually wash my clothes again. shallow, yes. but my sentiments were so deep...

that day was mabeth's birthday, so we had a pool party with her sister in-law. it freshened me up a bit to be in my element. i wanted to drown myself, but i had enough drama that day. and mabeth was so patient with me. i didn't want to be so selfish to spoil her pool party. so we just enjoyed swimming in the cold pool water.

i was in denial days after that. i was floating and the details of those days are so vague to me now. i just know that when i tucked myself to bed that night, on the twenty first of february twenty eleven, i wished, prayed and hoped that everything was just a dream, and that when i wake up in the morning, i will be staring at the mahogany ceiling of my room in stryn.

but a year has gone by...and every night, i'm still praying and hoping and wishing that i am just dreaming...