barcelona

thanks to the inspiration from woody allen's film "vicky cristina barcelona" and carlos ruiz zafon's "the shadow of the wind" and "the angel's game"...i am more than determined to go to barcelona.

both of ruiz' stories took place in barcelona. while i was reading his books, it was as if i was actually roaming the ramblas' notorious district. i also had a good preview of catalonia's capital from woody allen's film. barcelona has been calling me since then. and i have to, i must, succumb to its calling.

and the beach! barceloneta beach! i can imagine the feel of the sand under my feet and the sun's kiss on my skin.

oh! it has to be soon....

without oscar

for the first time ever, i went for a walk up in the woods alone. no kuya oscar to drag me or encourage me to walk faster.

i took my own pace. i mostly stopped to listen to the gurgling of the melting snow against the large stone forest walls and rambling of snow from an avalanche somewhere up in the mountain, whistling back to the little birds whilst enjoying their welcoming-the-spring songs. i even sat on my "throne" for a good 20 minutes and admired the smoggy fjord and took time to talk to the old people whom i normally bump in to when i walk with kuya oscar. they were wondering where my constant companion is.

when i got back in the house, it was so quiet that i had to call out "kuya oscar" a lot of times just to make noise.

sigh!

i miss my kuya. i miss him when i'm reading and he rests his head on my tummy. i miss to tickle him (although to no effect at all). i miss teaching him how to smile and to say "i love you too". i miss talking to him. i definitely miss walking with him. i miss his annoying bark. i miss him. i miss him.

fiskebøller

it's a traditional Norwegian dish. easy to prepare, tastes good and cheap ; )

it's normally served with boiled or mashed potatoes, freshly-grated carrots and in my family, capers is an important addition.

maria elizabeth napalinga is the one who introduced me to this dish...they used to have fiskebøller at least once a week. when she told my family about this, they were kind of "what? ewwww...". well, my family is not one of those traditional Norwegian families afterall.

but one day, out of curiosity and honestly, i ran out of ideas on what to prepare for dinner, i came across the grocery section where they store fiskebøller. mmmmm...instant dinner, i thought! i took a risk and a can of fiskebøller home. just had to prepare the white sauce and the potatoes.

that was a box office dinner! it was a big hit, especially for Felix. it's good to know something easy to prepare on busy days...like, today.

guess what we're having for middag......

; )


....*image was taken from matoppskrift.no*...

what's cooking?

i've just finished watching "Julie & Julia". it was very inspiring for me. all those cooking tips and recipes, plus the funny dialogues...i loved it!

since i got here in stryn, i have developed a liking to cooking. i was bolder at first, trying new recipes every day, from chinese to my made-up portuguese (sorry, always a liar) recipes. my host family was always generous with their compliments on my amateur cooking. but i felt good.

passion, however, is not yet an added ingredient to my cooking. yes, i love to cook at times. but there are also times when i just want to stare at the computer while waiting for the instant noodles to be ready. mmmmm...lazy lifestyle, i know.

for julie and julia, i'll always picture the two of you in my mind when i'm in the kitchen.

happy cooking!

dito ba? dito ba?

i share the feeling of those who are terminally ill and about to die. only that, those who are dying, most of them at least, know where they are going after their last breath....while i, still living, am already in a limbo.

i only have 9 months and 28 days left. after that, i don't know where i'm going. i don't see myself anywhere else either after that time. i am so doomed! and i am scared.

there is no reason for me to go back to the Philippines. well, maybe, if Julian will propose...SNAP! reality check! okay, i have nothing to go back home to. no job. no whatsoever. doomed, see?!

there has been an opportunity for studies. yet again, i have no financial back up. where the hell should i get the 90,000 nok to finance my schooling? ugh! helplessly doomed!

what about marriage? is there someone out there who needs a wife? someone who needs love and wants to be loved? i'm just here! sulking within the corners of Stryn.....

listening

i have difficulties in hearing and listening. i need to listen to someone or something at least twice before i can react to what i've heard.

so, it came as a BIG surprise to me when i got my TOEFL results and i found out that my highest score was in listening! unbelievable! really? really?!

i'm happy to know that i'm not that deaf after all. i'm just a selective listener.

paranoia

the best way to handle paranoia is just to focus on what's in front of you


Grey's Anatomy
Season 6 Episode 3

let me be

if i seem indifferent and distant
don't talk or do things that i used to do
just let me be

if i no longer amuse you
or give you that smile that you have gotten used to
let me be

if i want to be alone
and wander through the pages of a book
let me be

i am entitled for silence
for silence is my refuge
i am allowed to be alone
for it is the only way to be with my self
i am excused not to join you
in whatever you do
because you don't amuse me
and what you do is neither amusing

so please, let me be

santa baby (Eartha Kitt)

Santa baby, just slip a sable under the tree, for me
I've been an awful good girl
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, a 54 convertible too, light blue
I'll wait up for you dear
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun i've missed
Think of all the fellas that i haven't kissed
Next year i could be just as good
If you'd check off my christmas list

Santa honey, i wanna yacht and really that's
Not a lot
I've been an angel all year
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa honey, theres one thing i really do need, the deed
To a platinum mine
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex, and checks
Sign your 'x' on the line
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my christmas tree
With some decorations bought at tiffany's
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring
I don't mean on the phone
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry tonight

separation anxiety

last night, i slept with dried tears on my cheeks and Carlos Ruiz Zafon's "The Shadow of the Wind" wrapped in my arms.

i have been engulfed to a certain level of intimacy with Fermin, Daniel, Julian, Nuria and all the great characters in the book. for the past two weeks, i wandered the streets of Barcelona with them, got soaked in the rain, shared their fear, frustration, hatred and love, got involved in their tangled relationship, laughed and cried with them and literally slept with them. i didn't want that experience to end even if it broke my heart at some point. even if it scared me that i can hardly sleep.

i didn't want the story to end, because those characters have been a part of me. they were here to keep me company, to occupy my heart and mind. i allowed them to possess me. they awakened my senses and emotions.

when i was reading the last few pages of the book, i felt that everyone of them was slipping away from me. even fermin, whom i considered as my best friend. i felt that they were abandoning me. they went on with their lives and i was left all alone. embracing the book after i read the last sentence was a matter of holding them back....keeping them close to me...keeping them alive in my mind.

....you see, some people's fantasy is my reality.


synopsis of "The Shadow of the Wind", taken from the back cover of the book:

Hidden in the heart of the old city of Barcelona is the "Cemetery of Forgotten Books", a labyrinthine library of obscure and forgotten titles. To this library, a man brings his ten-year-old son, Daniel, one cold morning in 1945. Daniel is allowed to choose one book and from the dusty shelves pulls 'The Shadow of the Wind' by Julian Carax. But as Daniel grows up, several people seem inordinately interested in his find. What begins as a case of literary curiosity turns into a race to find out the truth behind the life and death of Julian Carax and to save those he left behind.

buena mano

first snowfall of the season.

syempre, hindi ako pahuhuli sa mga blooperous acts ko.

bonggang bongga ang pagsalpak ko sa semento habang pauwi na kami ng orc ko. ewan ko ba! akala ko di madulas. pero ayun na nga! sumemplang na ako and all! and take note, sa kalagitnaan pa ng pedestrian lane! kaloka! wala man lang konting discretion. center stage talaga palagi ang mga bloopers ko!

nag sorry pa sa akin ang orc ko. sabi ko sa kanya, "di mo kasalanan yun. madulas lang yung daan". wala pa ngang 1 meter yung lakad namin, sya na naman yung sumemplang! hayyy!!!

kaya very careful na ang aming paglakad. sabay enjoy na rin sa falling snow. yun nga lang, muntik muntikan na kaming abutin ng 25 years bago makarating ng bahay.

tsk! tsk! tsk!

into my own by Robert Frost

ONE of my wishes is that those dark trees,
So old and firm they scarcely show the breeze,
Were not, as ’twere, the merest mask of gloom,
But stretched away unto the edge of doom.

I should not be withheld but that some day
Into their vastness I should steal away,
Fearless of ever finding open land,
Or highway where the slow wheel pours the sand.

I do not see why I should e’er turn back,
Or those should not set forth upon my track
To overtake me, who should miss me here
And long to know if still I held them dear.

They would not find me changed from him they knew—
Only more sure of all I thought was true.



(A Boy's Will. 1915)

smitten

a visit to the dental clinic was not really my idea of a good tuesday morning. but thanks to Kjersti, who booked an appointment for my dental check-up with dr. frank-jakob sandbakk, i was in an early morning rush to catch my dental consultation at 09:30.

i was right on the dot when i arrived in the clinic. i was told to wait for a while. then, the dental assistant took a couple of pictures of my dents. after a minute or so, she led me to a room.

there and then, i was smitten! he introduced himself and offered his hand for a handshake. mystified and stunned, i shook his hand and smiled. everything was silent then. i was engulfed by his presence. i can't take my eyes off his thick eyebrows. they were beautiful eyebrows. he led me to the dental chair. reality snapped back to me when i saw the dental apparatus. they weren't pleasant to my eyes. (i have always been scared of dental check-ups and this one is no exception.) i just wanted to look at his eyebrows and internalize that everything's gonna be fine. but the lights blinded me and when he started checking and poking on each tooth in my mouth, i felt embarrassed. my mouth is such a dreadful place. it is an awful thing when you reveal your darkest side to someone who had just bewitched you. urgh! minus points.

he worked on my teeth for half an hour. he told me that i need to have one of my tooth pulled out. WHAT?! ain't i too old to be agonized by the thought of having a tooth extraction? he asked me if i could come back tomorrow. i asked him if there is any chance for an appointment next week. it will give me time to think whether or not will i have my tooth removed.

if and only if i'll come back to his clinic on wednesday next week, it will be because i was enamoured with his beautiful eyebrows and his handsome face.

ps. i talked to kjersti about my dental check-up today and she assured me that if i'll decide to go on with the extraction i'm in good hands with dr. sandbakk. so help me God....