feel good

it feels so good to be missed by someone...it warms my heart...it has been a while since i've heard the words " i miss you "...so it's overwhelming to hear it or read it...

survival 101

i almost went home yesterday after seeing my schedule for the day. i felt sick, but that's beside the fact that i already feel sick. i just thought i won't be able to survive the day with 6 consecutive high classes, 20-minute break, class, 20 minute break, 3 regular classes, 1-30minute class and 4 webex classes.

when i finished my 2 hour class, i wanted to scream "i survived!!!". i felt exhilarated that i'm still intact after dealing with the worst group of students, ever! well at least, my sanity turned hazy from total darkness.

these past days, i've been a "walker". when i think about it, i am worse than a "walker". the "walkers" look gross because they're dead, and they just walk endlessly, but there's one live nerve in their brain that signals for desire, hunger, want, crave...and they will do anything, everything to get what they want. even if that will lead to their second death.

i am a walker. i look normal in the outside, but i am a walker, lacking that live nerve in my brain.

i guess this is the result of blocking all the bad feelings, all the hurt, all the fears and confusion, all the disappointment and just pretend to be happy. in the end, it's difficult to deal with all those feelings because from the very start, i never acknowledged them. so now, they're seeping through the recesses of my soul and they're eating me alive. those bad feelings piled up and left me rotten.

but i can't be rotten. or at least, i don't want other people to smell me rotting inside. so i'll just keep wearing a neutral facade, keep walking without scaring other people.

i hope i will be able to pass, survival 101.

"If You Forget Me" : Madonna reciting Pablo Neruda

Check out more Myspace layouts at pYzam.

dinagyang 2012

i promised pulutong ko to send him some pictures that i took last dinagyang. this is like a super late action to that promise...



a pose with a dinagyang warrior at the robinson's place. i squeezed in through the crowd to have a picture with this cute warrior :)


dinagyang souvenirs


tribu pan-ay warriors (dinagyang 2012 grand champion), mommy libet and joanna marie


A for effort! Amazing make-up :)



my super friends with tribu pan-ay's super props


kikay and the giant egg



the scary bird, jingjing and the scared kikay



cool mommy


promises are not made to be broken...sometimes, it just takes time to upload that promise :)

failed mission

introducing ... Kyle and Andy

kyle is andy's love interest in chowking. she's really fond of him and her pupils dilate everytime she sees him. i promised andy to tag along with her when she feels like dropping at chowking for a bowl of halu-halo and a glimpse and little drop of happiness of seeing kyle.

this was last monday, march 5, 2012. i consider this as a failed attempt to capture kyle's ka guapohan. he's the only waiter in the store and i've never seen anyone move as fast as he did that night. and he stuttered and stumbled when andy flashes him a smile.

next time, i'll capture a photo of him and post it on andy's cube :)

okay, since i failed on kyle, i just took a photo of the webex group + andy




(left to right) Liez (as i prefer to call her), Andy, Ingrid, Mina and Karen. my ka foodtrip webex group :)

by the way....this is manong ________ .... a sleeping guard outside chowking



he's the subject that made me lucky that night...

wishing you were here

dear kuya O,

how are you? i wish you're here with me kuya. we could take a long walk wherever. we will just walk in silence because your mere presence by my side makes me at peace already. i miss hugging you kuya O...i miss you so much...

i am....

i am the cat at "breakfast at tiffany's"...i don't have a name, no place of my own...just wandering around this planet without agenda, until someone kind will pick me up and bring me home, give me a name, make me a pet, feed me, keep me warm and cuddle me while watching tv...and when there's nothing more than i give, the master will just leave me somewhere in the streets, hoping that i'll get lost and never find my way back. it's confusing to find myself move about aimlessly again. but i am cat, i survive anything. i can protect myself. and no matter how high i fall, i will land gracefully on my paws.

i am eva peron. as her melody goes, 'never fool myself, that my dreams will come true...being used to trouble, i anticipate it...time and time again i've said that i don't care, that i'm immune to gloom, that i'm hard through and through, but every time it matters all my words desert me, so anyone can hurt me, and they do, call in three months time and I'll be fine, i know, well maybe not that fine, but i'll survive anyhow, i won't recall the names and places of each sad occasion, but that's no consolation here and now'.

i am amanda woods. i am strong. i refuse to be affected. i am willfull! i am an island. i am amanda!

i am marley. i've heard and listened to a lot of things in this life, but i never learn. i follow my wild instinct. i make trouble and get myself into trouble and i annoy people around me.

i am the beast. i am horrible and arrogant. i am cursed. i am waiting for someone to break the spell and for that someone to love me and accept me, in spite of my monstrosity...before the last petal fall....

i am izzie stevens. i am overly sensitive, but it is my forte too. my heart speaks louder than my brain.

i am a mutant. i heal instantly.

i am a rainbow. i can be pleasurable to the eyes. but i am ephemeral.

i am joanna marie. i love. i live. i laugh.

ang saya-saya ko!!!!

i feel so hyper-ecstatic now after i talked to mabeth on skype. waaaahhhh!!! i miss her a lot! it's a good thing that i caught her online while i was uploading my stalking drama. i haven't talked to her for ages. i am so happy and overwhelmed to see her and sharing giggles with her again. there were just many things to catch up with each other.

she's beaming with happiness. and i'm so glad for her. her pj seemed so happy too. i love seeing them so happy together. they're the sweetest :)

i'm sure that there will be lots of skype talk from now on. i'm so looking forward to it.

Robbie Williams - Something beautiful

i was flashed with nostalgia when i bumped into robbie williams' 'angel' on youtube a while ago. his songs were my comforter during my stay in the farm of hojlundevej. i remember how mabeth and i would sing along to his songs, imagining that we were in his concert too. ah! life's sweet pleasures are much sweeter because of robbie :)

Amen

i liked her the minute i heard her Chicago inspired ringback tone.

i meet different students everyday and Amen is my all-star favorite, so far ;) i talked to her for the first time last night, in our 10-minute class, from 2340-2350 KT.

her name is Amen, she's 32 and here's the catch...she's a theater actress! i was star-struck when she told me that she's been a theater performer for 10 years now. she told me about her latest audition for a stage play. she told the theater company that, "my wish is to build a home for the world...it would be nice to hold it in my arms and embrace it". ahhh...so theatrical! anyway, she's studying English because she wants to go to Hollywood and act in a movie.

it would be nice to talk to someone who share the same passion as i do. i would totally look forward to talk to her every night. imagine, i'm talking to a future hollywood actress! i hope to get her autograph before she gets famous and become a star!