stubborn me!

everytime we disagree about something, my mother used to tell me that my stubbornness is my strongest character....and it is also my worst. the last time i heard her say that was like, 10 years ago. when i started to set out on my own, she just stopped picking on me. but lately, my mother's statement is like a broken record that keeps on playing in my head.

if i set my mind into something, i do it, no matter what the consequences are. i'm spontaneous and outrageous, yes. and if i don't want something, i am one of a bull-headed girl. that gets to my mother's nerves. oh, how she hated me for being like that!

now, i am being stubborn again. this time, it's not my mother who scolds me. it's HG! she thinks i'm being unreasonable and impractical...for stubbornly declining an indecent proposal. i mean, hello!?!?! i may be a crazy fanatic for wanting to stay in this country rather than going back to where i came from, but there must be some other way that i can stay here than changing a fake "i do" and "happily ever after" with a stranger. i am not negotiable. i am not for sale. i am joanna marie bediones and i am stubborn! talk to my hand!

and besides, my heart is stubbornly in-love right now. my heart has, pretty much, a mind of its own and i can't meddle with it. HG calls it stupidity. i call it love. HG calls me, unrealistic. i call me, idealistic.

in this scary and unpredictable world, my dreams and idealisms are my backbone.

i go where my heart and mind leads me. the end-result of my decisions may not be as promising as everyone expects it to be, but i will do what i feel is right for me. i'm not here to please other people. i am here to live my life the way i want it to be. i am here in this planet to love whomever my heart chooses to love.

my mother calls me stubborn...and now and only now, i completely agree with her.




p.s. HG, please understand that i love Andrè, because i choose to love him...i may be hurt in the process, but pain is the backside of loving a person. i am prepared for that. what i am not prepared to is, being miserable with someone i don't love for the rest of my life. i am stubborn and i thank God for that.

i love you, HG.