i can't help but smile everytime i think of mabeth, and how lovely her life is going on right now.
after talking with her on the phone last night, i just felt happy that she is very happy. she might be the happiest person in the world right now. she IS the happiest person that i know, actually, and that makes me happy too.
okay, i might not be here anymore on her wedding day, so i might as well leave a message.
beep!
maria elizabeth f. napalinga,
thank you for putting this constant smile on my face. åh! you should know that i am very very happy for you mabethskie! you and your "the one" have finally found each other.
it's one of those magical moments when one feels complete and finally done with searching. it's also one of those exciting moments when one is looking forward for a new beginning, a new life.
your wedding plans excite me!!! to the nth level! oh, i really really wish i could be there on yours and jim's special day. like, this could be my chance to be a flower girl!
you've always known what you wanted in life, for a partner and for everything else. and i've watched you transform into someone very confident and determined since our days in denmark. i admire you for that. i want to be like you when i grow up ; ) and now that everything you've ever wanted is turning into reality, i can't help but to be as happy as you are. pa share ng happiness ha...
i love you mabethskie!
best wishes to you and jim
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
beautiful 28th
i woke up at half past 7 in the morning and just closed my eyes and waited for sleep to come again. but it didn't. so i just laid in bed and shut everything else around me...shut my senses and felt nothing. i just wanted to be nothing and to feel nothing.
maybe i fell asleep again...next time i checked the alarm, it was 11:30 am already. i got up, turned on my yahoo radio and enjoyed my one hour in the bathroom. aaahhh!!! i can't think of anything else better than having the luxury of time in the bathroom.
when i was finally done with my morning rituals, i took a look outside and....taraaannn!!!! the sky was clear blue...the sun shines on the snow-capped mountains and it's a wonderful sight...the outside world is pure white, the trees, rooftops...the lake is frozen white (if i only know how to skate : ()
sometimes, i still sit down and wonder what have i done right to deserve this beautiful sights all around me. i'm a lucky person! think about it...i'm actually a lucky alien : )
maybe i fell asleep again...next time i checked the alarm, it was 11:30 am already. i got up, turned on my yahoo radio and enjoyed my one hour in the bathroom. aaahhh!!! i can't think of anything else better than having the luxury of time in the bathroom.
when i was finally done with my morning rituals, i took a look outside and....taraaannn!!!! the sky was clear blue...the sun shines on the snow-capped mountains and it's a wonderful sight...the outside world is pure white, the trees, rooftops...the lake is frozen white (if i only know how to skate : ()
sometimes, i still sit down and wonder what have i done right to deserve this beautiful sights all around me. i'm a lucky person! think about it...i'm actually a lucky alien : )
Saturday, December 25, 2010
nalilito at nahihilo
kanina pa ako lakad ng lakad. kahit minus 23 degrees sa labas, sige lang. kasi ni confuse ko na naman ang sarili ko. kasi naman eh! ang kulit ko kasi. at tsaka, alam mo na...pag uminom ka ng aquakvit na 45.1% alcohol, dinagdagan pa ng sparkling wine at red wine, eh, ewan ko lang kung hindi ka maging makulit kagaya ko.
kaya naman, nakagawa na naman ako ng bagay ng sana hindi ko na lang ginawa. isang text message lang yun ha! pero na confuse na tuloy ako. wala na sana eh...okay na ako. nalagpasan ko na ang mourning and denial stages. nasa recovery stage na sana ako. ngayon, bumalik na naman ako sa "hoping" stage. ang tanga tanga ko talaga! gusto kong sakalin ang self ko.
sana nung ni open ni pandora ang box, lumipad na din ang hope na yan. kasi hindi sya helpful sa akin eh. nakakairita kayang umasa. ayoko namang umasa! kaya lang, hindi ko mapigilan minsan eh. nakakainis!
kaya maglalakad na lang ako. manigas man ang mga daliri ko sa kamay at paa. manigas man ang mukha ko. sana manigas na rin ang utak ko. at ang heart ko. para wala na akong maramdaman at tumigil na ang utak ko sa kakaisip ng kung anu-ano.
kaya naman, nakagawa na naman ako ng bagay ng sana hindi ko na lang ginawa. isang text message lang yun ha! pero na confuse na tuloy ako. wala na sana eh...okay na ako. nalagpasan ko na ang mourning and denial stages. nasa recovery stage na sana ako. ngayon, bumalik na naman ako sa "hoping" stage. ang tanga tanga ko talaga! gusto kong sakalin ang self ko.
sana nung ni open ni pandora ang box, lumipad na din ang hope na yan. kasi hindi sya helpful sa akin eh. nakakairita kayang umasa. ayoko namang umasa! kaya lang, hindi ko mapigilan minsan eh. nakakainis!
kaya maglalakad na lang ako. manigas man ang mga daliri ko sa kamay at paa. manigas man ang mukha ko. sana manigas na rin ang utak ko. at ang heart ko. para wala na akong maramdaman at tumigil na ang utak ko sa kakaisip ng kung anu-ano.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus
there are just some things that we can't outgrow....
--------------------------------------------------------------
Newsman Francis Pharcellus Church wrote The Sun's response to Virginia.
Eight-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon wrote a letter to the editor of New York's Sun, and the quick response was printed as an unsigned editorial Sept. 21, 1897. The work of veteran newsman Francis Pharcellus Church has since become history's most reprinted newspaper editorial, appearing in part or whole in dozens of languages in books, movies, and other editorials, and on posters and stamps.
"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
"Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?
"VIRGINIA O'HANLON.
"115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."
VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.
Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.
Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.
You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Newsman Francis Pharcellus Church wrote The Sun's response to Virginia.
Eight-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon wrote a letter to the editor of New York's Sun, and the quick response was printed as an unsigned editorial Sept. 21, 1897. The work of veteran newsman Francis Pharcellus Church has since become history's most reprinted newspaper editorial, appearing in part or whole in dozens of languages in books, movies, and other editorials, and on posters and stamps.
"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
"Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?
"VIRGINIA O'HANLON.
"115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."
VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.
Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.
Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.
You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
biente tres
second day here at the cottage. i got up as early as 8 to take Scott for a walk. i should've washed my face and brushed my teeth before going out...but i thought of going back to bed as soon as our cockerpoo is done with his morning rituals.
my senses awakened as soon as i stepped out of the door. the morning air and the -21 degrees invigorated my sleepy kokote. after 20 minutes of enduring the cold and feeling (or not feeling) my numb face, i decided to head back towards the cottage. ah, it was comforting to feel warm again.
i made cereals for myself and a slice of bread for Felix, and together with Scott, we let ourselves be entertained by NRKsuper as we wait for everyone else at the cottage to wake up.
good morning, biente tres of deciembre!
my senses awakened as soon as i stepped out of the door. the morning air and the -21 degrees invigorated my sleepy kokote. after 20 minutes of enduring the cold and feeling (or not feeling) my numb face, i decided to head back towards the cottage. ah, it was comforting to feel warm again.
i made cereals for myself and a slice of bread for Felix, and together with Scott, we let ourselves be entertained by NRKsuper as we wait for everyone else at the cottage to wake up.
good morning, biente tres of deciembre!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
roadtrip to Kvitfjell
i am celebrating christmas eve with the Kvamme's. third year in a row and i'm sure it's going to be another happy and dramatic night for everyone.
but before everything else, before looking forward to decorating the christmas tree or making christmas cookies or debating with myself whether to try again to ski or not to ski...before any of these comes into my mind, i always look forward for the drive to the cottage.
in 2008, i was amazed by the mountain of gifts that Finn-Einar and Kjersti had to fit in the car to bring to Kvitfjell. aside from the gifts, they also had to squeeze in our luggage. plus, us! the five of us and kuya Oscar! i remember how funny it was to be seated between Rebecca and Felix at the backseat, with bags and stuffs on our laps as our roadtrip to Kvitfjell began. as Finn-Einar took the driver's seat, he took a look at the three of us at the back and sighed. and i blurted out "oh! this is so exciting!" and he said, you are the most positive person i've ever met. anyway, the four-hour drive on the dark, long and winding road to the cottage was indeed fun for us but not for kuya Oscar. poor kuya...
in 2009, i missed the car ride because i took the bus to Ringebu instead. but i didn't miss how Kjersti got pissed off when she couldn't shove in the last small packages in her volvo.
2010. the boys drove in Finn-Einar's parents' car and us girls and Scott drove with Kjersti. the same shoving and squeezing of packages problem, in two cars, occurred. but this year has been the most comfortable ride so far : ) it was so cool to sit at the back with all the bags and gifts by my side and Scott on my lap. i had more room to wiggle my legs! yubbeee! we had fun singing along to WHAM's "last christmas", eating cheese tacos and taking turns with Scott. though, at the last hour and 30 minutes of the trip, i slept like a baby.
three years of driving to Kvitfjell for christmas. three years of roadtrip fun. three years that i'm going to miss...
but before everything else, before looking forward to decorating the christmas tree or making christmas cookies or debating with myself whether to try again to ski or not to ski...before any of these comes into my mind, i always look forward for the drive to the cottage.
in 2008, i was amazed by the mountain of gifts that Finn-Einar and Kjersti had to fit in the car to bring to Kvitfjell. aside from the gifts, they also had to squeeze in our luggage. plus, us! the five of us and kuya Oscar! i remember how funny it was to be seated between Rebecca and Felix at the backseat, with bags and stuffs on our laps as our roadtrip to Kvitfjell began. as Finn-Einar took the driver's seat, he took a look at the three of us at the back and sighed. and i blurted out "oh! this is so exciting!" and he said, you are the most positive person i've ever met. anyway, the four-hour drive on the dark, long and winding road to the cottage was indeed fun for us but not for kuya Oscar. poor kuya...
in 2009, i missed the car ride because i took the bus to Ringebu instead. but i didn't miss how Kjersti got pissed off when she couldn't shove in the last small packages in her volvo.
2010. the boys drove in Finn-Einar's parents' car and us girls and Scott drove with Kjersti. the same shoving and squeezing of packages problem, in two cars, occurred. but this year has been the most comfortable ride so far : ) it was so cool to sit at the back with all the bags and gifts by my side and Scott on my lap. i had more room to wiggle my legs! yubbeee! we had fun singing along to WHAM's "last christmas", eating cheese tacos and taking turns with Scott. though, at the last hour and 30 minutes of the trip, i slept like a baby.
three years of driving to Kvitfjell for christmas. three years of roadtrip fun. three years that i'm going to miss...
Monday, December 20, 2010
am i dying?
i live a very simple, quiet, ordinary life. i am nice to nice people and i try to be nice to mean people. i am not a saint. i have my bad and devilish episodes. but i fight it out and try to be good.
however, i am not comfortable in situations when people are nice to me. i mean, super extra nice, for that matter. i have a big "WHY?" written on my forehead. i can't take it when people are good to me when i know that i don't deserve their kindness. it makes me feel guilty and freaky. like, i am on a terminal state, and they are being nice to me because they pity me?
aaahhh! paranoia!
okay, i should be thankful for their goodness. and I AM THANKFUL. really!
....but it's still freaking me out...
however, i am not comfortable in situations when people are nice to me. i mean, super extra nice, for that matter. i have a big "WHY?" written on my forehead. i can't take it when people are good to me when i know that i don't deserve their kindness. it makes me feel guilty and freaky. like, i am on a terminal state, and they are being nice to me because they pity me?
aaahhh! paranoia!
okay, i should be thankful for their goodness. and I AM THANKFUL. really!
....but it's still freaking me out...
Sunday, December 19, 2010
i flew a balloon for you
kuya Oscar,
howdy? happy as ever, i'm sure : )
it has been three months kuya...i still miss you every single day of my existence. and i love you. so, to send my over-flowing love for you, i flew a yellow balloon up to the sky, hoping that it will reach you, wherever you are.
kuya, you know, Scott is a very nice friend too. but i am so scared to love him too much because i don't want to feel the pain when the time to say goodbye comes. i love him but i stay away from the borderline.
i love you, kuya O! you have my unlimited love, my puppy love, forever and ever...
howdy? happy as ever, i'm sure : )
it has been three months kuya...i still miss you every single day of my existence. and i love you. so, to send my over-flowing love for you, i flew a yellow balloon up to the sky, hoping that it will reach you, wherever you are.
kuya, you know, Scott is a very nice friend too. but i am so scared to love him too much because i don't want to feel the pain when the time to say goodbye comes. i love him but i stay away from the borderline.
i love you, kuya O! you have my unlimited love, my puppy love, forever and ever...
Thursday, December 16, 2010
early christmas gift! yubeee!
i can't contain my happiness! i just got this letter from the UiS...
--------------------------------------------------------
Joan Estrellanes Mucho
Prestestegen 17
Stryn 6783
Norway
Our ref.: 20110185/MBR/HR/JK Letter sent by e-mail only
Date: 15 December 2010
APPLICATION FOR ADMISSION TO NORWEGIAN LANGUAGE AND CULTURE COURSE AT THE UNIVERSITY OF STAVANGER,
ACADEMIC YEAR 2011/2012
Dear Applicant,
The University of Stavanger has evaluated your preliminary application for admission to the Norwegian Language and Culture Course starting in August 2011. We are happy to inform you that you have been chosen to take part in the final round of the application process. We received a record number of 897 applications within the deadline. Of these, 399 applicants have been qualified and invited to send in full documentation and Final Application Form.
Kindly read the instructions carefully before you fill in the Final Application Form. Please, do not send an electronic version by e-mail. Be careful to date and sign the Final Application Form and send the complete hard copy of your application package by ordinary mail to:
University of Stavanger
International Admissions
N-4036 Stavanger
NORWAY
-----------------------------------------------------------
huff! i can't breath! and my mind is blank...
joanna marie, que sera sera......
--------------------------------------------------------
Joan Estrellanes Mucho
Prestestegen 17
Stryn 6783
Norway
Our ref.: 20110185/MBR/HR/JK Letter sent by e-mail only
Date: 15 December 2010
APPLICATION FOR ADMISSION TO NORWEGIAN LANGUAGE AND CULTURE COURSE AT THE UNIVERSITY OF STAVANGER,
ACADEMIC YEAR 2011/2012
Dear Applicant,
The University of Stavanger has evaluated your preliminary application for admission to the Norwegian Language and Culture Course starting in August 2011. We are happy to inform you that you have been chosen to take part in the final round of the application process. We received a record number of 897 applications within the deadline. Of these, 399 applicants have been qualified and invited to send in full documentation and Final Application Form.
Kindly read the instructions carefully before you fill in the Final Application Form. Please, do not send an electronic version by e-mail. Be careful to date and sign the Final Application Form and send the complete hard copy of your application package by ordinary mail to:
University of Stavanger
International Admissions
N-4036 Stavanger
NORWAY
-----------------------------------------------------------
huff! i can't breath! and my mind is blank...
joanna marie, que sera sera......
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
reminders
i found this piece of paper about instructions for life while i was rummaging with my old stuffs. it has been a long time since i have read it...i thought of posting it here so i'll have an online checklist.
life's little instructions
sing in the shower. love deeply and passionately. you might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated. watch a sunrise at least once a year. strive for excellence, not perfection. in disagreements, fight fairly (no name calling). don't judge people by their relatives. talk slowly but quickly. when someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "why do you want to know?". remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze. don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. plant a tree on your birthday. learn three clean jokes. compliment three people everyday. never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love. never laugh at anyone's dreams. leave the toilet seat in the down position. when you lose, don't lose the lesson. remember the three R's: respect for self, respect for others, responsibility for all your actions. don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. when you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. smile when picking up the phone. marry a woman/man you love to talk to. as you get older, her/his conversational skills will be as important as any other. spend some time alone. open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. read more books and watch less tv. live a good honorable life. then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time. trust in god but lock your car. a loving atmosphere in your home is so important. do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home. in disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. don't bring up the past. read between the lines. leave everything a little better than you found it. keep it simple. think big thoughts but relish small pleasures. become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know. floss your teeth. be forgiving of yourself and others. say "thank you" a lot. memorize your favorite poem. say "please" a lot. avoid negative people. wear polished shoes. buy whatever kids are selling on card tables in their front yards. remember other people's birthdays. when you say "i love you", mean it. commit yourself to constant improvement. have a firm handshake. look people in the eye. be the first to say "hello". give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. return all the things you borrow. make new friends but cherish the old ones. keep secrets. sing in a choir. plant flowers every spring. take responsibility for every area of your life. have a dog. always accept outstretched hands. stop blaming others. when you say "i'm sorry", look the person in the eye. be engaged at least six months before you get married. believe in love at first sight. wave at kids on school buses. be there when people need you. don't expect life to be fair. never underestimate the power of love. drink champagne for no reason at all. live your life as an explanation. don't be afraid to say "i made a mistake". don't be afraid to say "i don't know". compliment even small improvements. keep your promise (no matter what). marry only for love. rekindle old friendships. count your blessings. call your mother.
life's little instructions
sing in the shower. love deeply and passionately. you might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated. watch a sunrise at least once a year. strive for excellence, not perfection. in disagreements, fight fairly (no name calling). don't judge people by their relatives. talk slowly but quickly. when someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "why do you want to know?". remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze. don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. plant a tree on your birthday. learn three clean jokes. compliment three people everyday. never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love. never laugh at anyone's dreams. leave the toilet seat in the down position. when you lose, don't lose the lesson. remember the three R's: respect for self, respect for others, responsibility for all your actions. don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. when you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. smile when picking up the phone. marry a woman/man you love to talk to. as you get older, her/his conversational skills will be as important as any other. spend some time alone. open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. read more books and watch less tv. live a good honorable life. then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time. trust in god but lock your car. a loving atmosphere in your home is so important. do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home. in disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. don't bring up the past. read between the lines. leave everything a little better than you found it. keep it simple. think big thoughts but relish small pleasures. become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know. floss your teeth. be forgiving of yourself and others. say "thank you" a lot. memorize your favorite poem. say "please" a lot. avoid negative people. wear polished shoes. buy whatever kids are selling on card tables in their front yards. remember other people's birthdays. when you say "i love you", mean it. commit yourself to constant improvement. have a firm handshake. look people in the eye. be the first to say "hello". give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. return all the things you borrow. make new friends but cherish the old ones. keep secrets. sing in a choir. plant flowers every spring. take responsibility for every area of your life. have a dog. always accept outstretched hands. stop blaming others. when you say "i'm sorry", look the person in the eye. be engaged at least six months before you get married. believe in love at first sight. wave at kids on school buses. be there when people need you. don't expect life to be fair. never underestimate the power of love. drink champagne for no reason at all. live your life as an explanation. don't be afraid to say "i made a mistake". don't be afraid to say "i don't know". compliment even small improvements. keep your promise (no matter what). marry only for love. rekindle old friendships. count your blessings. call your mother.
to do
i am, maybe, halfway of my mortality span, and things haven't been that bad. i didn't plan any of these things...well, opportunities came, i grabbed them. challenges provoked me and i faced them straight-off. good and bad weathers came and i weathered them all. people came into my life, i loved them with all my heart and they were gone. but i am still here. content with the ephemeral happiness and love that comes along my way.
for the time being though, i have short term "to do's"....(plan is such a tough word for me. it seems unattainable. "to do" is a couple of words which suit me just right. and it means, i'm really gonna do it!)
okay... here are my "to do" list when i get back home:
* learn how to play the guitar
top of the list. yes! i want to be able to play more songs other than "leaving on a jet plane" and "when you say nothing at all". i want to strum and pluck. music is a great part of what i am and i want to spend the rest of my life playing songs for myself and for everyone. jitters! i am excited as hell! mmmm...i need a good guitar and a brilliant guitarist! yamaha school of music, here i come...
* find a job
i want to get back to the corporate world. feel the adrenaline rush while trying to catch the deadline or trying to reach the sales target at the end of each month.
either that OR...
i'll find a job in a beach resort and wake up each morning feeling the sea breeze on my face...amanpulo is my target area. i wouldn't mind working in paradise. it would be bliss for me.
* get back on stage
if there's one thing that i am most passionate about, it's performing on stage. there is nothing more liberating than creating a character into shape and portraying it. it's cathartic. and i miss being someone else. i also miss the late night rehearsals and bonding with eccentric people.
* catch up with my family and friends
i will hug my mom and dad every minute of every day. just to make-up with the missed times.
i will be a real real friend to my friends. i don't want to be a cyber friend anymore.
* fall in-love
i've got so much love, running through my veins, going to waste (robbie williams)
anyway, those are the things that i'm looking forward to do when (and if) i get back home. somehow, i am looking forward to it. but i also feel sad when i think of leaving the place that have been home to me for a couple of years. especially when, if i only have a choice, this would be the place that i'd want to be my home.
for the time being though, i have short term "to do's"....(plan is such a tough word for me. it seems unattainable. "to do" is a couple of words which suit me just right. and it means, i'm really gonna do it!)
okay... here are my "to do" list when i get back home:
* learn how to play the guitar
top of the list. yes! i want to be able to play more songs other than "leaving on a jet plane" and "when you say nothing at all". i want to strum and pluck. music is a great part of what i am and i want to spend the rest of my life playing songs for myself and for everyone. jitters! i am excited as hell! mmmm...i need a good guitar and a brilliant guitarist! yamaha school of music, here i come...
* find a job
i want to get back to the corporate world. feel the adrenaline rush while trying to catch the deadline or trying to reach the sales target at the end of each month.
either that OR...
i'll find a job in a beach resort and wake up each morning feeling the sea breeze on my face...amanpulo is my target area. i wouldn't mind working in paradise. it would be bliss for me.
* get back on stage
if there's one thing that i am most passionate about, it's performing on stage. there is nothing more liberating than creating a character into shape and portraying it. it's cathartic. and i miss being someone else. i also miss the late night rehearsals and bonding with eccentric people.
* catch up with my family and friends
i will hug my mom and dad every minute of every day. just to make-up with the missed times.
i will be a real real friend to my friends. i don't want to be a cyber friend anymore.
* fall in-love
i've got so much love, running through my veins, going to waste (robbie williams)
anyway, those are the things that i'm looking forward to do when (and if) i get back home. somehow, i am looking forward to it. but i also feel sad when i think of leaving the place that have been home to me for a couple of years. especially when, if i only have a choice, this would be the place that i'd want to be my home.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
so tangledly funny
tangled. a new disney animation which tickled and untangled my taxing state of mind. it was the perfect way to spend my sunday evening...i mean, together with rapunzel, eugene aka flynn rider, maximus, pascal and the mother witch, who definitely had the knack for fun, i laughed my heart out as i entered the world of dreams, dreaming and dreamers...
the characters are brutally cruel, viciously nice, naively amusing...i loved it!
falling without style
i could have died of shame right on the spot where i fell last sunday afternoon. why, of all places, would i slip, slide and fall on my butt straight down to a sprawling position, in front of the grocers? ugh! i managed to stand up as quickly as i could. but when i heard abigail's obscene laughter, i let out a terrifying fountain of tears. aby just couldn't contain her laughter, so i joined her in making fun of what just happened to me.
gosh, it hurt! my back and my butt. what's worse? when i woke up on a monday morning, i couldn't move my neck. it was so stiff that i wondered if i had a stroke or something. i started to cry again. it was so painful, for heavensakes! i started to call for my mother in the middle of my sobs.
i managed to go through the day turning my head along with my body on a 360 degrees everytime someone calls me or if i had to change direction. ugh! painful and annoying.
i am on my 2nd day of suffering. i can, at least, control myself not to cry. i am an expert in suffering in silence, so be it!
lesson: no matter how careful you are, you'd still get yourself hurt...never trust a slippery road. get yourself a spiky pair of shoes ; )
gosh, it hurt! my back and my butt. what's worse? when i woke up on a monday morning, i couldn't move my neck. it was so stiff that i wondered if i had a stroke or something. i started to cry again. it was so painful, for heavensakes! i started to call for my mother in the middle of my sobs.
i managed to go through the day turning my head along with my body on a 360 degrees everytime someone calls me or if i had to change direction. ugh! painful and annoying.
i am on my 2nd day of suffering. i can, at least, control myself not to cry. i am an expert in suffering in silence, so be it!
lesson: no matter how careful you are, you'd still get yourself hurt...never trust a slippery road. get yourself a spiky pair of shoes ; )
Monday, December 13, 2010
a call from the ghost of the past
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
i can't stop laughing! i mean, really! oh, this is bad!
i got a call from the dark angel. the moment i heard the dark angel's voice, i just laughed. it was like a BIG joke! i had no pretenses at all...i just let my lungs and esophagus out! i couldn't help it!
i thought the dark angel was smart enough to read the signs posted on the silent wall a million light years ago. but the dark angel sounded like nothing happened. like the dark angel didn't cheat on me. like the dark angel didn't hurt me.
oh, the dark angel and his lies...poor thing...
who had the last laugh now?
i can't stop laughing! i mean, really! oh, this is bad!
i got a call from the dark angel. the moment i heard the dark angel's voice, i just laughed. it was like a BIG joke! i had no pretenses at all...i just let my lungs and esophagus out! i couldn't help it!
i thought the dark angel was smart enough to read the signs posted on the silent wall a million light years ago. but the dark angel sounded like nothing happened. like the dark angel didn't cheat on me. like the dark angel didn't hurt me.
oh, the dark angel and his lies...poor thing...
who had the last laugh now?
Friday, December 10, 2010
tantrum attack
my patience has been wearing off since yesterday. i know that it's me and only me. the people, pets, snow...everything around me for that matter, move around in a spontaneous manner. but i, me, myself and joanna marie, has been acting erratically. even the tiniest thing annoys me. even when felix bumped on me (which he always do, and i would normally bump back on him), annoyed me.
i was trying to keep myself together. really...
but today, i lost it. i felt like, everything around me was spinning so fast that i can hardly take a grip, the noise was unbearable, my legs were tired, my body just wanted to slouch on a hill of snow, i was restless...
the next thing i knew, i was in my bathroom, stomping my feet on the floor like a 3-year old kid would do, throwing my dirty clothes on the floor, groaning, almost on the verge of crying.
it's a shame, i know. that at this age, i still have tantrum attacks. but i can't help it. my mind was totally blocked, i couldn't think anymore. something evilish inside me wanted to be unleashed. to just go crazy! throw things! shout! cry!
urgh! i need to collect my self-control and rebuild my patience. now!
i was trying to keep myself together. really...
but today, i lost it. i felt like, everything around me was spinning so fast that i can hardly take a grip, the noise was unbearable, my legs were tired, my body just wanted to slouch on a hill of snow, i was restless...
the next thing i knew, i was in my bathroom, stomping my feet on the floor like a 3-year old kid would do, throwing my dirty clothes on the floor, groaning, almost on the verge of crying.
it's a shame, i know. that at this age, i still have tantrum attacks. but i can't help it. my mind was totally blocked, i couldn't think anymore. something evilish inside me wanted to be unleashed. to just go crazy! throw things! shout! cry!
urgh! i need to collect my self-control and rebuild my patience. now!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
to eternity and beyond
today, my vampire Damon Salvatore celebrates his 520th something birthday. another year to eternity and so many forevermore's...
if Damon will just show up and turn me into a vampire, then i will gain all hopes on my "vampiric fairytale" obsession, and then and only then, can i end my story with ... "and they lived happily ever after"...
Damon, don't make me wait for long. i am in distress, so please be my hero ; ) i don't want to be an alien anymore. make me a vampire now, please...
happy birthday, my vampire. let's have a bloody toast to that!
Monday, December 6, 2010
ace is back!
yehey! after a month and 10 days, my laptop is finally back...and the keyboard is fixed! yubeee! i am not being punished anymore. meaning, i have been good : ) hehehe
the first thing i did when i turned it on, was view the pictures in my files. oh, i missed those pictures of kuya Oscar, the moments with friends, pictures of Andrè...i smile when i look back at all those happy memories.
i'll be very careful with ace from now on...not just throw it around my bathroom or anywhere else ; (
i'll be good...i will be good.
the first thing i did when i turned it on, was view the pictures in my files. oh, i missed those pictures of kuya Oscar, the moments with friends, pictures of Andrè...i smile when i look back at all those happy memories.
i'll be very careful with ace from now on...not just throw it around my bathroom or anywhere else ; (
i'll be good...i will be good.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
tea, snow and tears
i thought i was way past the crying stage already. but i was wrong.
as i wrapped my fingers around the warm cup of tea, i sat by my glass door and gazed at the falling snow. it was marvelous! i enjoy moments when i practice the art of doing nothing. i felt at peace by just looking at the snow-covered ground and trees.
then i felt a stab in my chest. i suddenly missed Andrè. i miss him a lot. but it's all that i can do now. i'll just miss him. because i can't do anything about it.
my tears fell on my cheeks as silently as the snowflakes fell on the ground.
as i wrapped my fingers around the warm cup of tea, i sat by my glass door and gazed at the falling snow. it was marvelous! i enjoy moments when i practice the art of doing nothing. i felt at peace by just looking at the snow-covered ground and trees.
then i felt a stab in my chest. i suddenly missed Andrè. i miss him a lot. but it's all that i can do now. i'll just miss him. because i can't do anything about it.
my tears fell on my cheeks as silently as the snowflakes fell on the ground.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
i love it!
woke up at 9: 30
had a long shower
took a short walk with scott
took a long walk in the forest...under the shower of snow. i am jubilant!
had a date with my vampire damon the whole afternoon
cuddled with scott
babysitting...Felix, Scott and Joanna Marie...we are the happiest gang alive!
kjersti and finn-einar left a bottle of wine for me! åh! life is beautiful! wine! wine! wine! mine! mine! mine!
took scott out to pee. it was nice watching scott play with snow. his first winter here on earth : )
marvelled the greatest feeling of setting foot on the soft snow-covered ground. it felt like heaven!
felix and i are having lasagne for dinner while watching playhouse disney. oh, childhood rewind! i love it!
december 4, you are the best day of my life! i love you! i wish everyday is the 4th of december...
had a long shower
took a short walk with scott
took a long walk in the forest...under the shower of snow. i am jubilant!
had a date with my vampire damon the whole afternoon
cuddled with scott
babysitting...Felix, Scott and Joanna Marie...we are the happiest gang alive!
kjersti and finn-einar left a bottle of wine for me! åh! life is beautiful! wine! wine! wine! mine! mine! mine!
took scott out to pee. it was nice watching scott play with snow. his first winter here on earth : )
marvelled the greatest feeling of setting foot on the soft snow-covered ground. it felt like heaven!
felix and i are having lasagne for dinner while watching playhouse disney. oh, childhood rewind! i love it!
december 4, you are the best day of my life! i love you! i wish everyday is the 4th of december...
the secret war continues
i refused to touch, or have anything to do, with flour and yeast for a year.
i discovered that i didn't have a knack for baking. i remember how embarrassed i was when i first made my pizza dough. (ugh! okay, i want to erase that memory) but i didn't take the hint that time. i baked a bread which turned out to be more disastrous than the pizza dough. although i completely shrank into my bones when Kjersti found it out, i managed to laugh it off with her. she made me feel better by saying that "it's not you, Joan. it's the yeast". aha!
so i didn't give up. i refused to give up. i wouldn't just throw my hands up in the air and surrender to the curse of the yeast...and flour. it became an obsession. an obsession to win the battle over those molecules that turn into bread, cakes and pastries, when handled by the right person.
but after a couple of months of making a stone-bread out of yeast and flour, i finally took the hint. i lost the battle. i accepted my defeat whole-heartedly. from then on, i would just nod at the box of yeast and flour everytime i open the cupboard. i can just imagine those molecules grinning at me! hmp!
it has been, more or less, a year now, since the battle ended. but last thursday, i accidentally came into the baking page of my menu guide and i suddenly felt the urge to start a fight! then and there, i asked aby if i could spend the friday night at her place and bake a cake. she immediately agreed. oh, i was excited!
facing the war with my arch-enemies just gave me an adrenaline rush! i was restless. i was energized and hopping all day. so when evening came, and kjersti and finn-einar were home, i put on my best "homey" dress and walked down to the battlefield.
first things first: i dropped by aby's place and we went to the shop together. i meticulously chose the ingredients to the simplest chocolate cake recipe that i found on the menu guide. half-mindedly talking to myself, aby and the boxes of granulated sugar as we go through the aisle for the baking stuffs at the grocers. half of my mind was trying to picture out how the chocolate cake would look like when it's all done. i smiled.
so, when we had everything that we needed in the cart, we paid for it and went back to Walhalla, where the battle took place. (grin!)
i totally made the kitchen looked like a battlefield. in fairness, i handled all the ingredients with extra care. i mixed this and that and poured my heart and love into it. just like a real warrior ; )
with the oven set to 175 degrees, i poured the mixture from the mixing bowl to the cake former and put it in the oven and took a rest for 20 minutes, as i await for the result.
i danced my jitterness off. 35 minutes was like a lifetime. so when my timer rang, i literally ran to the kitchen and opened the oven! my hyperactivity melted down as fast as a shooting star appears and disappears in my sight when i saw what's in the cake former. i got disoriented. it wasn't the cake that i pictured out in my mind. i even wondered if it was a cake at all. it was....indescribable! i wouldn't and i couldn't even touch it. so i just stared at it.
aby noticed my silence and came to the kitchen. when she saw what i was looking at, she burst into a hideous laughter. her laughter awakened me and i snapped back into reality. i pulled out the cake former from the oven, set it into the counter and stared at it again, unbelievingly! then i let out a tummy-aching laughter too. aby and i tried to describe it. i meant the "cake". it looked like a volcano which erupted, and then you can see the crater. no! it looked like the moon! no! oh! it was anything but a cake!
when our laughters subsided, i stared at the "cake" again and knowingly accepted my defeat. as i threw it out in the waste basket, i resolved to myself, that i will never, ever, start a fight, which i know, i am bound to loose. there are wars that are worth fighting for. and the battle with yeast and flour is not one of them.
i discovered that i didn't have a knack for baking. i remember how embarrassed i was when i first made my pizza dough. (ugh! okay, i want to erase that memory) but i didn't take the hint that time. i baked a bread which turned out to be more disastrous than the pizza dough. although i completely shrank into my bones when Kjersti found it out, i managed to laugh it off with her. she made me feel better by saying that "it's not you, Joan. it's the yeast". aha!
so i didn't give up. i refused to give up. i wouldn't just throw my hands up in the air and surrender to the curse of the yeast...and flour. it became an obsession. an obsession to win the battle over those molecules that turn into bread, cakes and pastries, when handled by the right person.
but after a couple of months of making a stone-bread out of yeast and flour, i finally took the hint. i lost the battle. i accepted my defeat whole-heartedly. from then on, i would just nod at the box of yeast and flour everytime i open the cupboard. i can just imagine those molecules grinning at me! hmp!
it has been, more or less, a year now, since the battle ended. but last thursday, i accidentally came into the baking page of my menu guide and i suddenly felt the urge to start a fight! then and there, i asked aby if i could spend the friday night at her place and bake a cake. she immediately agreed. oh, i was excited!
facing the war with my arch-enemies just gave me an adrenaline rush! i was restless. i was energized and hopping all day. so when evening came, and kjersti and finn-einar were home, i put on my best "homey" dress and walked down to the battlefield.
first things first: i dropped by aby's place and we went to the shop together. i meticulously chose the ingredients to the simplest chocolate cake recipe that i found on the menu guide. half-mindedly talking to myself, aby and the boxes of granulated sugar as we go through the aisle for the baking stuffs at the grocers. half of my mind was trying to picture out how the chocolate cake would look like when it's all done. i smiled.
so, when we had everything that we needed in the cart, we paid for it and went back to Walhalla, where the battle took place. (grin!)
i totally made the kitchen looked like a battlefield. in fairness, i handled all the ingredients with extra care. i mixed this and that and poured my heart and love into it. just like a real warrior ; )
with the oven set to 175 degrees, i poured the mixture from the mixing bowl to the cake former and put it in the oven and took a rest for 20 minutes, as i await for the result.
i danced my jitterness off. 35 minutes was like a lifetime. so when my timer rang, i literally ran to the kitchen and opened the oven! my hyperactivity melted down as fast as a shooting star appears and disappears in my sight when i saw what's in the cake former. i got disoriented. it wasn't the cake that i pictured out in my mind. i even wondered if it was a cake at all. it was....indescribable! i wouldn't and i couldn't even touch it. so i just stared at it.
aby noticed my silence and came to the kitchen. when she saw what i was looking at, she burst into a hideous laughter. her laughter awakened me and i snapped back into reality. i pulled out the cake former from the oven, set it into the counter and stared at it again, unbelievingly! then i let out a tummy-aching laughter too. aby and i tried to describe it. i meant the "cake". it looked like a volcano which erupted, and then you can see the crater. no! it looked like the moon! no! oh! it was anything but a cake!
when our laughters subsided, i stared at the "cake" again and knowingly accepted my defeat. as i threw it out in the waste basket, i resolved to myself, that i will never, ever, start a fight, which i know, i am bound to loose. there are wars that are worth fighting for. and the battle with yeast and flour is not one of them.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
sweet little orc
felix has given up barne tv these past days. he's been fascinated with "the voice" channel instead, but i don't want him to watch it. he's only 6 and some of the music videos are not suited for a 6-year old. we always argue everytime we come home from school. he wants "the voice" and i want "cartoon network". one time, i was so tired to argue with him that i gave in to his demands. when i switched the channel to "the voice", bruno mars' "just the way you are" was playing. it happens to be my favorite song for this season, so i ecstatically jumped and sang along with the song.
this afternoon, it was the same scenario. i was full-handed when we got home. aby came for a visit, i had to fetch some logs and make a fire to warm up the house, i had to pee, i had to take scott out to pee, i had to take out the plates from the dishwasher and i had to prepare dinner. so felix was happy as he sat quietly with his lego stuffs in the living room while tuned in to "the voice". as aby and i made dinner, i checked on him once in a while, and he said to me, "don't worry joan, i'm not watching the videos, i'm just listening to the songs". yeah, right!
i called him when dinner was ready. after a couple of excuses, he finally joined me and aby at the dining table. we had small talks...talking to felix with my elementary-level norsk and shifting to tagalog when i talked to aby. in the middle of dinner, he sat straight up, and said, "it's your favorite song, joan". i was surprised because i didn't even hear the song at first. he stood up from his chair and said, "i'll turn up the volume so you can listen to it". he went to the living room and did just that. i was flattered and i said a thousand thanks to him. he came back to the table and finished eating his food. after he said "tak for mad" he went back to his lego and "the voice".
aby was surprised to see how sweet felix is. i know, i know. his little gestures can be overwhelming sometimes. he is my sweet little orc. i never thought he pays any attention to me when i tell him my favorite songs, things or food. but he does. last summer, he showed up in my room with a handful of dandelions because he remembered that yellow is my favorite color. so he thought, i might like dandelions. and i did! one time, when i suddenly burst into tears in the grocery store, he walked out on me, but came back with my favorite strawberry-vanilla ice cream and said "i picked this out for you so you'll stop crying". he would patiently walk with me down to the library (even in a freezing minus 15 temp) because he knows that i love books and i just want to be surrounded by them.
ah, he's just full of surprises....my sweet little orc : )
this afternoon, it was the same scenario. i was full-handed when we got home. aby came for a visit, i had to fetch some logs and make a fire to warm up the house, i had to pee, i had to take scott out to pee, i had to take out the plates from the dishwasher and i had to prepare dinner. so felix was happy as he sat quietly with his lego stuffs in the living room while tuned in to "the voice". as aby and i made dinner, i checked on him once in a while, and he said to me, "don't worry joan, i'm not watching the videos, i'm just listening to the songs". yeah, right!
i called him when dinner was ready. after a couple of excuses, he finally joined me and aby at the dining table. we had small talks...talking to felix with my elementary-level norsk and shifting to tagalog when i talked to aby. in the middle of dinner, he sat straight up, and said, "it's your favorite song, joan". i was surprised because i didn't even hear the song at first. he stood up from his chair and said, "i'll turn up the volume so you can listen to it". he went to the living room and did just that. i was flattered and i said a thousand thanks to him. he came back to the table and finished eating his food. after he said "tak for mad" he went back to his lego and "the voice".
aby was surprised to see how sweet felix is. i know, i know. his little gestures can be overwhelming sometimes. he is my sweet little orc. i never thought he pays any attention to me when i tell him my favorite songs, things or food. but he does. last summer, he showed up in my room with a handful of dandelions because he remembered that yellow is my favorite color. so he thought, i might like dandelions. and i did! one time, when i suddenly burst into tears in the grocery store, he walked out on me, but came back with my favorite strawberry-vanilla ice cream and said "i picked this out for you so you'll stop crying". he would patiently walk with me down to the library (even in a freezing minus 15 temp) because he knows that i love books and i just want to be surrounded by them.
ah, he's just full of surprises....my sweet little orc : )
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
december = vampire
i've noticed that almost everyone i know on facebook, posted a christmas something on their walls. well, they might be really looking forward for the yuletide season. please, i didn't mean to be the grinch here. i just wanted to be different. haha!
it's confirmed. i am a vampire addict. on the first day of the christmas season, my eyes have been feasting on the gorgeous bloodsucker, damon! i just love him! his blue-gray eyes, his half-teasing smile, his devilish ways and most of all, his sarcasm. there is nothing more cute and charming than a vampire's sarcasm. and i love it! i love him!
i find it attractive to be involved with a 520-something year old guy who has been through different eras, who has survived two world wars, who has been there when the beatles were on the top of the world, who has gone through a century and a half loving the same woman. yes, that's damon. no matter how he inflicts misery to the lives of human and other vampires around him, he's still good at heart.
when the day is over and i am all by myself in my tiny nook, the vampires keep me company. my heart jumps when the scene is too scary, so i keep my blanket on the level of my eyes. scaring myself has become a hobby lately. hmmm...vampires, bring it on!
i want damon to turn me. i want to spend an eternity with a vampire like him and be compelled by his lovely sarcasm. i want to be under his spell...to shut off all human within me and enter a new realm of existence. to see the world in another perspective.
i want to be a vampire. a bite from damon would be the greatest gift i can ever have this yuletide season.
it's confirmed. i am a vampire addict. on the first day of the christmas season, my eyes have been feasting on the gorgeous bloodsucker, damon! i just love him! his blue-gray eyes, his half-teasing smile, his devilish ways and most of all, his sarcasm. there is nothing more cute and charming than a vampire's sarcasm. and i love it! i love him!
i find it attractive to be involved with a 520-something year old guy who has been through different eras, who has survived two world wars, who has been there when the beatles were on the top of the world, who has gone through a century and a half loving the same woman. yes, that's damon. no matter how he inflicts misery to the lives of human and other vampires around him, he's still good at heart.
when the day is over and i am all by myself in my tiny nook, the vampires keep me company. my heart jumps when the scene is too scary, so i keep my blanket on the level of my eyes. scaring myself has become a hobby lately. hmmm...vampires, bring it on!
i want damon to turn me. i want to spend an eternity with a vampire like him and be compelled by his lovely sarcasm. i want to be under his spell...to shut off all human within me and enter a new realm of existence. to see the world in another perspective.
i want to be a vampire. a bite from damon would be the greatest gift i can ever have this yuletide season.
okay, ready ako ren nga i-storya
namuno ko sa nagligad ko nga blog nga nagapati ako sa karma. amo ra tulad, i storya ko ren kung naga gapati ako nga gin-karma gd man ako.
2 weeks ago, may nakilala ako nga laki. pagkatapos nga mag chat sa ym, daw nawili lang kami ka storya, gintao na ang number na. ako man nga hangag, gintao ko man akon number. wara gani guro sangka oras namangkot tana kung pwede kuno tana katawag. ti hambal ko, okay lang kanakon. kag sara pa, kinanglan ko gd kang ka storya amo to nga time.
okay man. ka mga intelligent topics ang gin storyahan namon. kis a daw ka dalum gd. pero namian ako. kay daw ka buhay ren gd abi nga may nakilala ako nga may passion man magbasa, mag discuss about religion, society, culture differences, oppression kag iban pa nga mga ka dalmingan. ti kundi nagtabo gd utok namon eh. martes pa to nga daan kang nag umpisa tana ka tawag.
pagkadason nga adlaw, nagtawag riman tana. basta, kasagad kana. feeling ko lang. man an ko, nag drop out gali tana sa med school, ga ubra sa child protection agency, na danlug tana sa parking lot, nag suicide ang last na nga miga, nami tana mag english.
pero sa mga conversation namon, gasulod sa ulo ko pirme si a, kay ang mga tinaga bala nga gina gamit na, amo gd sa mga ginapanghambal ni a kasan o kanakon. nag wonder gani ako basi si a tana tapos naga kuno kuno lang. hay maan!
pagka huebes, naghambal tana nga gusto na mag agto ja. na shock ako eh. hambal ko, kung gusto mo mag agto, agto kaw eh. baw nag check tana dayon kang flights kag kung anu ano pa. pero later on, nag desisyon man tana nga dar-on na na lang sarakyan na. ti, sige, amo to, hambalanay kami nga ma storya na lang kami liwan pagka biernes ti aga kung gusto ko pa bala nga ma kita tana or indi.
ang hangag man nga joanna marie, pagka biernes, amo man japon ang desisyon na. nga okay lang kung mag agto tana ja kay ti wara man ti plano ang mga babaye sa amo to nga weekend. ay! may jan gali! hehehe. manyapon kina ate hazel kag mag agto sa alex. pero wara ko pa ra ginhambal sa laki.
kang sa hapon ren, sige man update namon sa sara kag sara kung diin tana ron. hambal na mga ala siete tana maabot. ti gihambal ko man kay ate hazel nga part kang pag move on ko, may maagto nga laki ja kanakon. okay man kay ate hazel. hambal na gani nga dar on ko sa balay na.
baw! nag alas siete ren wara japon nag abot ang laki. nagtawag, hambal na nagtalang tana, sala nga way gi agyan na. pagka alas otso y medya, nagtawag riman. gin dakup kuno tana kang police kay dasig padalagan na. mabayad kuno tana ti 7 thousand kroner! whhhaaat?! baw! daw na konsensya man ko ba! pero natak an ako kahulat kana. maan!
tapos pati si ate hazel, nag ugtas kanakon nga ginhulat ko gd tana. daad kuno nagsunod ren ako kay jillian pagsugat kana ni kuya geir. wara ko ren gani ginsabat mga tawag na mong. kay natak an man ako.
mga alas nueve y medya tana nag abot. hambal ko sa esso kami makitaay. pag abot ko to, may nakita ako nga pula nga sarakyan. sa isip ko lang, baw daad indi ra tana kay karaw ay kang sakyanan na! gintawgan ko tana. baw. ana gd ang pula nga sarakyan. kag pagnaug na sa car, pagkita ko kana, nagpati gd ako dayon nga ang karma, indi lang haum haum, kundi tuod tuod gd. kag indi mo lang mabatyagan, makita mo pa! in short, indi ko gd tana feel! daw masuka ako!
pero ti, wara ren ako ti may mahimo kay jan ren. nag usik tana ka walo ka oras para mag agto ja. gipasakayan ko na lang eh. storya storya man kami samtang paagto kanday ate hazel.
pag abot sa balay ni hg, pagkakita ko pa lang kananda, nag libot ren kalimutaw ko! daw madalagan ako nga indi ko maintindihan. syempre, para ano pa nga nag intermedius ako kung indi ako kamaan mag arte, di ba? yuhom yuhom lang ako sa tubang na eh. mayad lang kay si hg, todo ang supota kanakon. after na nga taw an ka damug, gihambalan na nga to mapungko sa sala imaw ni kuya geir.
baw! kang kami na lang nga tatlo ni jillian ang bilin sa kusina, grabe ren ang mga hinambalanon kag kadlaw eh. to ren nag umpisa ang hambal ko nga gina karma ako. si jillian man tana, gina confirm na man kanakon. si hg tana, hambal na, indi ren ra pagpadayuna joanna! hay maan! grabe ren kinadlaw namin eh! tapos indi man kami pagusto ka panglibak kay makita naman kami sa sala. may time pa to gani nga nagpalipud ako mong kay daw gusto ko ra gd mag syagit!
pagkatapos namon tana kaon, naghimos ren si hg para magpa alex. ang karma tana, to sa sala eh kag ga storya kay kuya geir. pasalamat lang ako kay kuya geir. kang ready kami ren, ginhambalan tana ni hg nga, ma gwa kami, kung gusto mo ja lang kaw kag mag storya sa bana ko. hahaha! hambal na, ay, nag agto ako ja para makita si joanna. hambal ko, sunod kaw sa alex eh, okay lang man ra. so amo ren to. kang sa sarakyan kami ren, ga reklamo si hg kang pang drive na. pati ako nakulbaan man gani. maan ah. daw ka reckless lang kana mag maneho abi. pero mayad lang to kay naka abot man kami sa alex nga buhi.
kang sa alex ren, nainit ako kay gina bayaan kami ni hg, jillian kag pia. kag nag order tana kang irimnon na, wara na man lang ako gi orderan! hmp! tapos syempre, gusto ko magsaot, magliwaliw ukon magtanga man lang sa mga naga saot. baw, ana tana sagay ka storya about writing, nga immature pa tana kuno para maging writer, gusto na magdaug sa lotto, storya about a famous norwegian author, kung nag madre bala ako. maan! daw gusto ko hambalon nga, pwede, indi lang ta mag storyahanay? natak an ako! pagbalik gani nanda ni jillian, nag excuse ako dayon nga mag banyo kay indi ko ra gd kaya. hambal pa ni hg, paulia ren to ra sa hotel na! hahaha! si hg talaga! kag, gapabati bati pa si jillian nga gusto na mag tequila, ay, gin ignore na lang si jillian! insensitive!
kang dali na lang mag sarado ang alex, ginhambalan ko tana nga kung gusto na ren mag balik sa hotel na, panaw lang tana. in fairness, gidul ong ko pa tana sa gwa ha! gosh! nagpaka nice man ako kana.
pagka bugtaw ko kang sabado, nag text ako kana. gi kamusta ko lang tana. hambal na maagto tana ja kay mangape. gikita ko tana sa esso riman. baw, namayha gd ako daad nga makita kang mga taga stryn nga gapanaw panaw nga may imaw nga karma, pero anhon ko ra abi. gin panindugan ko na lang ang pagka nice ko e. to ko tana gin dara sa kapehan nga talagsa lang namon gina kadtuan. ang topic naman namon kang amo to nga time, autism kag mga advanced research on how to work with children with autism. o di ba? abi ko gani gina study-han na man ako eh. super behave ako gani. ga hango hango lang kag mag komentar kung kaisa.
pagka turok na sa orasan na, naghugyaw ang kalag ko! kang gapanaw kami pabalik sa sarakyan na, nakita ko si jillian sa pihak nga karsada. baw, mas naghugyaw pa gd ako! gindul ong tana namon nga darwa ni jillian sa sarakyan na. pagkatapos mag paalam kana, pagtalikod ko, hambal ko gd dayon kay jillian, hay salamat! natapos gd man! pamatyag ko nga daan, amo to ang pinakalawig nga adlaw kang kabuhi ko. kag matyag ko ginsilutan gd ako sa kung ano man nga mga kasal anan nga nahimo ko.
pag agto namon ni jillian sa torg, medyo dura pa ako sa paminsaron ko. naga tanga pa ako gani. ginhambalan pa ako ni jillian na magtarong kay daw buang lang ako nga sagay hambal tapos matanga.
hay! kung ginsilutan gd man ako kang amo to nga weekend, ti siguro, deserving gd man ako. kay nag antos gd ako ti perti! kag sa mga nagsunod nga inadlaw, grabe man ang pasakit ko. so tulad, nga medyo naka hinulsol ako ren kag nakapanumdom ti gamay, daw medyo nadura riman ang karma ah.
kabay pa nga indi ren magbalik kag indi ren ja matabo riwan kanakon!
indi ako ren magliwan! sumpa man!
2 weeks ago, may nakilala ako nga laki. pagkatapos nga mag chat sa ym, daw nawili lang kami ka storya, gintao na ang number na. ako man nga hangag, gintao ko man akon number. wara gani guro sangka oras namangkot tana kung pwede kuno tana katawag. ti hambal ko, okay lang kanakon. kag sara pa, kinanglan ko gd kang ka storya amo to nga time.
okay man. ka mga intelligent topics ang gin storyahan namon. kis a daw ka dalum gd. pero namian ako. kay daw ka buhay ren gd abi nga may nakilala ako nga may passion man magbasa, mag discuss about religion, society, culture differences, oppression kag iban pa nga mga ka dalmingan. ti kundi nagtabo gd utok namon eh. martes pa to nga daan kang nag umpisa tana ka tawag.
pagkadason nga adlaw, nagtawag riman tana. basta, kasagad kana. feeling ko lang. man an ko, nag drop out gali tana sa med school, ga ubra sa child protection agency, na danlug tana sa parking lot, nag suicide ang last na nga miga, nami tana mag english.
pero sa mga conversation namon, gasulod sa ulo ko pirme si a, kay ang mga tinaga bala nga gina gamit na, amo gd sa mga ginapanghambal ni a kasan o kanakon. nag wonder gani ako basi si a tana tapos naga kuno kuno lang. hay maan!
pagka huebes, naghambal tana nga gusto na mag agto ja. na shock ako eh. hambal ko, kung gusto mo mag agto, agto kaw eh. baw nag check tana dayon kang flights kag kung anu ano pa. pero later on, nag desisyon man tana nga dar-on na na lang sarakyan na. ti, sige, amo to, hambalanay kami nga ma storya na lang kami liwan pagka biernes ti aga kung gusto ko pa bala nga ma kita tana or indi.
ang hangag man nga joanna marie, pagka biernes, amo man japon ang desisyon na. nga okay lang kung mag agto tana ja kay ti wara man ti plano ang mga babaye sa amo to nga weekend. ay! may jan gali! hehehe. manyapon kina ate hazel kag mag agto sa alex. pero wara ko pa ra ginhambal sa laki.
kang sa hapon ren, sige man update namon sa sara kag sara kung diin tana ron. hambal na mga ala siete tana maabot. ti gihambal ko man kay ate hazel nga part kang pag move on ko, may maagto nga laki ja kanakon. okay man kay ate hazel. hambal na gani nga dar on ko sa balay na.
baw! nag alas siete ren wara japon nag abot ang laki. nagtawag, hambal na nagtalang tana, sala nga way gi agyan na. pagka alas otso y medya, nagtawag riman. gin dakup kuno tana kang police kay dasig padalagan na. mabayad kuno tana ti 7 thousand kroner! whhhaaat?! baw! daw na konsensya man ko ba! pero natak an ako kahulat kana. maan!
tapos pati si ate hazel, nag ugtas kanakon nga ginhulat ko gd tana. daad kuno nagsunod ren ako kay jillian pagsugat kana ni kuya geir. wara ko ren gani ginsabat mga tawag na mong. kay natak an man ako.
mga alas nueve y medya tana nag abot. hambal ko sa esso kami makitaay. pag abot ko to, may nakita ako nga pula nga sarakyan. sa isip ko lang, baw daad indi ra tana kay karaw ay kang sakyanan na! gintawgan ko tana. baw. ana gd ang pula nga sarakyan. kag pagnaug na sa car, pagkita ko kana, nagpati gd ako dayon nga ang karma, indi lang haum haum, kundi tuod tuod gd. kag indi mo lang mabatyagan, makita mo pa! in short, indi ko gd tana feel! daw masuka ako!
pero ti, wara ren ako ti may mahimo kay jan ren. nag usik tana ka walo ka oras para mag agto ja. gipasakayan ko na lang eh. storya storya man kami samtang paagto kanday ate hazel.
pag abot sa balay ni hg, pagkakita ko pa lang kananda, nag libot ren kalimutaw ko! daw madalagan ako nga indi ko maintindihan. syempre, para ano pa nga nag intermedius ako kung indi ako kamaan mag arte, di ba? yuhom yuhom lang ako sa tubang na eh. mayad lang kay si hg, todo ang supota kanakon. after na nga taw an ka damug, gihambalan na nga to mapungko sa sala imaw ni kuya geir.
baw! kang kami na lang nga tatlo ni jillian ang bilin sa kusina, grabe ren ang mga hinambalanon kag kadlaw eh. to ren nag umpisa ang hambal ko nga gina karma ako. si jillian man tana, gina confirm na man kanakon. si hg tana, hambal na, indi ren ra pagpadayuna joanna! hay maan! grabe ren kinadlaw namin eh! tapos indi man kami pagusto ka panglibak kay makita naman kami sa sala. may time pa to gani nga nagpalipud ako mong kay daw gusto ko ra gd mag syagit!
pagkatapos namon tana kaon, naghimos ren si hg para magpa alex. ang karma tana, to sa sala eh kag ga storya kay kuya geir. pasalamat lang ako kay kuya geir. kang ready kami ren, ginhambalan tana ni hg nga, ma gwa kami, kung gusto mo ja lang kaw kag mag storya sa bana ko. hahaha! hambal na, ay, nag agto ako ja para makita si joanna. hambal ko, sunod kaw sa alex eh, okay lang man ra. so amo ren to. kang sa sarakyan kami ren, ga reklamo si hg kang pang drive na. pati ako nakulbaan man gani. maan ah. daw ka reckless lang kana mag maneho abi. pero mayad lang to kay naka abot man kami sa alex nga buhi.
kang sa alex ren, nainit ako kay gina bayaan kami ni hg, jillian kag pia. kag nag order tana kang irimnon na, wara na man lang ako gi orderan! hmp! tapos syempre, gusto ko magsaot, magliwaliw ukon magtanga man lang sa mga naga saot. baw, ana tana sagay ka storya about writing, nga immature pa tana kuno para maging writer, gusto na magdaug sa lotto, storya about a famous norwegian author, kung nag madre bala ako. maan! daw gusto ko hambalon nga, pwede, indi lang ta mag storyahanay? natak an ako! pagbalik gani nanda ni jillian, nag excuse ako dayon nga mag banyo kay indi ko ra gd kaya. hambal pa ni hg, paulia ren to ra sa hotel na! hahaha! si hg talaga! kag, gapabati bati pa si jillian nga gusto na mag tequila, ay, gin ignore na lang si jillian! insensitive!
kang dali na lang mag sarado ang alex, ginhambalan ko tana nga kung gusto na ren mag balik sa hotel na, panaw lang tana. in fairness, gidul ong ko pa tana sa gwa ha! gosh! nagpaka nice man ako kana.
pagka bugtaw ko kang sabado, nag text ako kana. gi kamusta ko lang tana. hambal na maagto tana ja kay mangape. gikita ko tana sa esso riman. baw, namayha gd ako daad nga makita kang mga taga stryn nga gapanaw panaw nga may imaw nga karma, pero anhon ko ra abi. gin panindugan ko na lang ang pagka nice ko e. to ko tana gin dara sa kapehan nga talagsa lang namon gina kadtuan. ang topic naman namon kang amo to nga time, autism kag mga advanced research on how to work with children with autism. o di ba? abi ko gani gina study-han na man ako eh. super behave ako gani. ga hango hango lang kag mag komentar kung kaisa.
pagka turok na sa orasan na, naghugyaw ang kalag ko! kang gapanaw kami pabalik sa sarakyan na, nakita ko si jillian sa pihak nga karsada. baw, mas naghugyaw pa gd ako! gindul ong tana namon nga darwa ni jillian sa sarakyan na. pagkatapos mag paalam kana, pagtalikod ko, hambal ko gd dayon kay jillian, hay salamat! natapos gd man! pamatyag ko nga daan, amo to ang pinakalawig nga adlaw kang kabuhi ko. kag matyag ko ginsilutan gd ako sa kung ano man nga mga kasal anan nga nahimo ko.
pag agto namon ni jillian sa torg, medyo dura pa ako sa paminsaron ko. naga tanga pa ako gani. ginhambalan pa ako ni jillian na magtarong kay daw buang lang ako nga sagay hambal tapos matanga.
hay! kung ginsilutan gd man ako kang amo to nga weekend, ti siguro, deserving gd man ako. kay nag antos gd ako ti perti! kag sa mga nagsunod nga inadlaw, grabe man ang pasakit ko. so tulad, nga medyo naka hinulsol ako ren kag nakapanumdom ti gamay, daw medyo nadura riman ang karma ah.
kabay pa nga indi ren magbalik kag indi ren ja matabo riwan kanakon!
indi ako ren magliwan! sumpa man!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
21 Guns - Green Day
....i have been in the dark and slumbering for quite sometime now. this song woke me up and stirred me within. i want to live my life and be passionate again! i love me! : )
Do you know what's worth fighting for
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I
When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I
Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?
When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
my dearest andrè,
it has been a while since i haven't heard from you. i know that you have been extremely busy these days, but i've been worried sick about you. it doesn't do me any good to go to sleep at night wondering how you are doing or waking up in the middle of the night wondering if you're okay...or crying because i miss you so much and i worry about you.
to be honest, i feel like a stalker now. remember that girl you told me about...the girl who used to leave messages on your messenger which says, "oh, you're staring at me again" or something like that? i feel like i've become that kind of girl, leaving messages on your phone. i am scared to leave another message on your mobile because i might be annoying you already. i'm pathetic, i know, but this is me and i can't do anything about it.
anyway, what i'm trying to say here is that...thank you, for coming into my life. for the very short time that i have known you, i have been completely, truly, deeply happy and in-love. i have become a different kind of person. and i liked that person whom i've become because of you. i was in total bliss, Andrè. you made me believe that i am still capable of loving another human being unconditionally. you gave me those wonderful mornings, when i woke up with your sweet messages. you made me laugh (oh, how i loved those times). you made me feel loved. loving you was as spontaneous as breathing in air. i was carefree and happy and in-love.
last night before i went to sleep, i read all your messages in my inbox. the messages still made me smile, but somehow it hurts me too. i may be naive in this thing called love, but i am not completely oblivious. somehow, things have been different these past days and i keep on asking myself if i've done something wrong or said something bad to you. i wish i could have been more sensitive in times when you needed someone to talk to and i wish i was there to hug you or hold your hand...i wish i was there all the time for you, with you.
but no matter what i say or do, will it make any difference now?
you told me once that, "time heals all wounds"...well, i am hurting now, and i know that this stage will pass, sooner or later. in time, my broken heart will be fixed and i will be okay again.
and when i look back to this day, i will still be thankful that i have known you, sweet Andrè. you are the most beautiful soul that i have ever met in my lifetime. i will treasure all the wonderful memories that i had with you forever. you will always have a special place in my heart, that's for sure ; ) and i will remember you everytime i see a butterfly or everytime i look up at the moon in the night sky or everytime i see a celery.
Andrè, have i done something really bad to deserve this cold and silent treatment from you?
Andrè, remember that woman you told me about? the woman who went to your place and after meeting her that day, you never heard from each other ever again? i don't want to be that woman, Andrè. please don't get me wrong...i am not demanding anything from you..well, okay, maybe one thing. just one thing. a simple text message "goodbye, joanna" will do. at least, in that way, i would know that the moon hasn't swallowed you up or you didn't get sick with another bee sting...at least i would know that you're okay and that you're still alive.
if i were to go back to pluto one of these days, that would be my last wish Andrè...or if i could whisper a wish to santa claus, my wish would be...that you would, at least say farewell to me...
you are an amazingly good person Andrè Rose and i wish you and Louie all the best in life...all the happiness and love : )
teddy bear hugs,
joanna marie
Do you know what's worth fighting for
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I
When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I
Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?
When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
my dearest andrè,
it has been a while since i haven't heard from you. i know that you have been extremely busy these days, but i've been worried sick about you. it doesn't do me any good to go to sleep at night wondering how you are doing or waking up in the middle of the night wondering if you're okay...or crying because i miss you so much and i worry about you.
to be honest, i feel like a stalker now. remember that girl you told me about...the girl who used to leave messages on your messenger which says, "oh, you're staring at me again" or something like that? i feel like i've become that kind of girl, leaving messages on your phone. i am scared to leave another message on your mobile because i might be annoying you already. i'm pathetic, i know, but this is me and i can't do anything about it.
anyway, what i'm trying to say here is that...thank you, for coming into my life. for the very short time that i have known you, i have been completely, truly, deeply happy and in-love. i have become a different kind of person. and i liked that person whom i've become because of you. i was in total bliss, Andrè. you made me believe that i am still capable of loving another human being unconditionally. you gave me those wonderful mornings, when i woke up with your sweet messages. you made me laugh (oh, how i loved those times). you made me feel loved. loving you was as spontaneous as breathing in air. i was carefree and happy and in-love.
last night before i went to sleep, i read all your messages in my inbox. the messages still made me smile, but somehow it hurts me too. i may be naive in this thing called love, but i am not completely oblivious. somehow, things have been different these past days and i keep on asking myself if i've done something wrong or said something bad to you. i wish i could have been more sensitive in times when you needed someone to talk to and i wish i was there to hug you or hold your hand...i wish i was there all the time for you, with you.
but no matter what i say or do, will it make any difference now?
you told me once that, "time heals all wounds"...well, i am hurting now, and i know that this stage will pass, sooner or later. in time, my broken heart will be fixed and i will be okay again.
and when i look back to this day, i will still be thankful that i have known you, sweet Andrè. you are the most beautiful soul that i have ever met in my lifetime. i will treasure all the wonderful memories that i had with you forever. you will always have a special place in my heart, that's for sure ; ) and i will remember you everytime i see a butterfly or everytime i look up at the moon in the night sky or everytime i see a celery.
Andrè, have i done something really bad to deserve this cold and silent treatment from you?
Andrè, remember that woman you told me about? the woman who went to your place and after meeting her that day, you never heard from each other ever again? i don't want to be that woman, Andrè. please don't get me wrong...i am not demanding anything from you..well, okay, maybe one thing. just one thing. a simple text message "goodbye, joanna" will do. at least, in that way, i would know that the moon hasn't swallowed you up or you didn't get sick with another bee sting...at least i would know that you're okay and that you're still alive.
if i were to go back to pluto one of these days, that would be my last wish Andrè...or if i could whisper a wish to santa claus, my wish would be...that you would, at least say farewell to me...
you are an amazingly good person Andrè Rose and i wish you and Louie all the best in life...all the happiness and love : )
teddy bear hugs,
joanna marie
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
comfort
according to thesaurus, comfort is a noun which means, ease; good feeling; gratification; pleasure; satisfaction; solace;...and all those wonderful words that i wish i could eat up to make me feel relieved from my depression.
however, there are some tangible comforting stuffs that make me feel peaceful. like, hugging a pillow, hugging Scott and Felix, walking under the moonlight and starry-starry skies, watching grey's anatomy, reading "what i want my daughters to know", talking to the moon, munching a bar of chocolate, curling my precious hair, preparing Felix's favorite pasta sauce, cuddling Elvis, doing my nails and eating a pint of ice cream!
oh, the ice cream is the most gratifying of all! but wait, it is not very comforting to think of the calories that i just took in. what the heck! no calorie-counting today! i'll just consider the calories as system-invigorating and spirit-nourishing!
however, there are some tangible comforting stuffs that make me feel peaceful. like, hugging a pillow, hugging Scott and Felix, walking under the moonlight and starry-starry skies, watching grey's anatomy, reading "what i want my daughters to know", talking to the moon, munching a bar of chocolate, curling my precious hair, preparing Felix's favorite pasta sauce, cuddling Elvis, doing my nails and eating a pint of ice cream!
oh, the ice cream is the most gratifying of all! but wait, it is not very comforting to think of the calories that i just took in. what the heck! no calorie-counting today! i'll just consider the calories as system-invigorating and spirit-nourishing!
mr. moon and joanna marie
i have a very special relationship with mr. moon. i don't know when or how it started...(oh! i guess it all began when i met my personal story-teller). i am moon-lady or, more of a moon-girl. i always have been. but lately, mr. moon and i have been much closer. though he is a million light years away, he has been my constant companion and confidant. he guides me with his light as i take my long evening walks. he listens to all my ramblings without judgment. when i wake up in the middle of the night, his beaming light touches my cheeks, as if to say, "go back to sleep my dear joan. everything's gonna be alright. i'll be watching you in your sleep". and in the morning when i wake up, he is still up there in the purplish sky, giving me the brightest smile ever... i smile back : )
mr. moon, you know my heart's desires. thank you for being there for me constantly....
mr. moon, you know my heart's desires. thank you for being there for me constantly....
Monday, November 22, 2010
why did God create girlfriends?
i believe that when God created girlfriends, he was thinking of me. because i'm the kind of person who would prefer to suffer in silence, but in the end, would run to my girlfriends and cry my heart out.
a girlfriend like ate Hazel loves to pry. she would call exactly at the same time when i am bursting into tears. maybe in one way or another, she felt my pain. she's the kind of girlfriend who would say, "stop it! stop crying! if i were there by your side i would bang your head on the wall! reality check!" yes, she can be harsh at times. but there are also times when she would silently say, "okay girl, just cry. cry it all out. you'd feel better afterwards. and make yourself a cup of tea. it helps."
a girlfriend like aby would say, "i can't believe that you could be so stupid to trust men. and cry over a guy? hello?! are you that stupid, joanna marie?" and when i can't control my sobs and tears, she would just be quiet, for a while, and say, "here, have some chocolates. eat the entire pack! eat!" aby is the kind who would give me a big-lifting hug when i am so down in the dumps.
a girlfriend like jillian would say, "that's karma. you're being punished for something..." most of the time, jillian is so convincing that i almost believe her that i am a bad person, until i talk to aby and she would say otherwise.
a girlfriend like sharon would say, "move on, girl. if a person doesn't like you, then you're not supposed to like them too. collect yourself and get up from the floor! now na!"
now i see, i have the bravest girlfriends in the world. they're the toughest kind. sometimes i wish they could be more soothing and kind in giving me their words of wisdom. but no! okay, i admit, the threats and harsh words are more effective. like, i need them to slap me or shake me or throw me into the wall or push me to the cliff, for me to wake up from my pathetic drama and denials.
whatever else were God's reasons for creating girlfriends, i gratefully thank Him for creating the strongest pack of girlfriends for me. He surely knows that i am the weakest kind...
...just a thought, if Felix were a girl, he would be the harshest girlfriend ever! ; )
a girlfriend like ate Hazel loves to pry. she would call exactly at the same time when i am bursting into tears. maybe in one way or another, she felt my pain. she's the kind of girlfriend who would say, "stop it! stop crying! if i were there by your side i would bang your head on the wall! reality check!" yes, she can be harsh at times. but there are also times when she would silently say, "okay girl, just cry. cry it all out. you'd feel better afterwards. and make yourself a cup of tea. it helps."
a girlfriend like aby would say, "i can't believe that you could be so stupid to trust men. and cry over a guy? hello?! are you that stupid, joanna marie?" and when i can't control my sobs and tears, she would just be quiet, for a while, and say, "here, have some chocolates. eat the entire pack! eat!" aby is the kind who would give me a big-lifting hug when i am so down in the dumps.
a girlfriend like jillian would say, "that's karma. you're being punished for something..." most of the time, jillian is so convincing that i almost believe her that i am a bad person, until i talk to aby and she would say otherwise.
a girlfriend like sharon would say, "move on, girl. if a person doesn't like you, then you're not supposed to like them too. collect yourself and get up from the floor! now na!"
now i see, i have the bravest girlfriends in the world. they're the toughest kind. sometimes i wish they could be more soothing and kind in giving me their words of wisdom. but no! okay, i admit, the threats and harsh words are more effective. like, i need them to slap me or shake me or throw me into the wall or push me to the cliff, for me to wake up from my pathetic drama and denials.
whatever else were God's reasons for creating girlfriends, i gratefully thank Him for creating the strongest pack of girlfriends for me. He surely knows that i am the weakest kind...
...just a thought, if Felix were a girl, he would be the harshest girlfriend ever! ; )
Saturday, November 20, 2010
something...wrong
with all the things that are happening to me these days, i can't help but ask if i've done a terrible thing to somebody, or anybody, for me to deserve the heartache that i've been going through. i believe in karma, yes. that why, i need to review my life, if somewhere along the way, i have hurt anyone, whether intentionally or not. somehow, there's nothing in my memory track that reminds me of being super rude to anybody. if i have done a bad thing to a person or to a lot of people, then, i am very very sorry for it.
murphy's law states that, "everything that can go wrong, will go wrong". this law applies to my life now. everything just seems to fall apart. i can hardly keep myself together will all the pain, trouble, headaches and ephemeral happiness that i am experiencing. i know that all of these will pass, in time, but the things that are happening to me now are excruciatingly overwhelming.
i just have to be alone and come to terms with my unbearable situation.
murphy's law states that, "everything that can go wrong, will go wrong". this law applies to my life now. everything just seems to fall apart. i can hardly keep myself together will all the pain, trouble, headaches and ephemeral happiness that i am experiencing. i know that all of these will pass, in time, but the things that are happening to me now are excruciatingly overwhelming.
i just have to be alone and come to terms with my unbearable situation.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
dear kuya oscar
i miss you, so much....
kuya, kjersti's been observing me these past days. i didn't know. she just asked me today if everything's okay with me. she noticed something different in me and she's quite sure that i'm not okay. i just shrugged my shoulders and told her that i'm fine. but she's not convinced. she told me that if something's bothering me, i can always talk to her about it...and if i don't feel like talking about it with her, i should talk to my friends because it eases up things when you talk to someone. she noticed that i seem to just curl up into my shell when something's bad is going on.
i've never been the same without you, kuya. you were the only one whom i can really talk to. you know that.
i love you and i miss you
i am sending my power hugs to heaven to you and to all your friends : )
kuya, kjersti's been observing me these past days. i didn't know. she just asked me today if everything's okay with me. she noticed something different in me and she's quite sure that i'm not okay. i just shrugged my shoulders and told her that i'm fine. but she's not convinced. she told me that if something's bothering me, i can always talk to her about it...and if i don't feel like talking about it with her, i should talk to my friends because it eases up things when you talk to someone. she noticed that i seem to just curl up into my shell when something's bad is going on.
i've never been the same without you, kuya. you were the only one whom i can really talk to. you know that.
i love you and i miss you
i am sending my power hugs to heaven to you and to all your friends : )
Sunday, November 14, 2010
tolerating the intolerable
since i've been experiencing intolerable feelings lately, i decided to face another intolerable emotion. fear. with the capital F! from 10:00 last night to 01:00 of early morning today, i watched a horror/thriller movie. "one missed call". of course, i've seen at least only half of the movie since i've been covering my eyes almost the entire time. not to mention the hair-raising shrieks. huff!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
the end na ba?
naman, oo! ilang gabi na akong hindi nakakatulog ng maayos sa kakaisip kung the end na nga ba talaga?
masyado ba akong manhid? or ignorante sa mga bagay bagay? or talagang denial queen lang talaga palagi ang drama ko?
sabi nila, kung gusto ka ng isang tao, gagawa at gagawa sya ng paraan para makausap ka o makita ka. oo nga naman. nangyari naman yun noon. nakita at naramdaman ko naman ang effort. pero ngayon, parang kahit anong effort pa ang gawin ko, parang wala na talaga eh.
wow! ang sakit naman non! ang sakit talaga! at sino ba naman ako para ma spare sa sakit na end result ng pagmamahal? akala ko lang special ako na hindi ko na mararamdaman yung rejection and yung kirot na kaakibat ng super sarap ng feeling ng pagiging in-love.
sabi nila, minsan kailangan mo talagang masaktan, para mas magiging strong ka sa pagharap sa buhay.
naman! kailangan ba talaga yun? kailangan ko ba talagang pagdaanan to? kailangan ko ba talagang umiyak gabi gabi dahil yung taong mahal ko eh hindi na ako mahal? bakit? bakit kailangang masaktan ako ng ganito? Ang sakit sakit kaya! yung tipong, ayaw ko ng magising. yung parang gusto ko na lang matulog at magising isang araw na wala na yung sakit. kung kaya lang sanang makuha yung pain na to sa pag-inom ng paracet, eh di, tinungga ko na sana ang paracet with banana flavor na nakita ko dito sa cabinet ko.
sabi nila, balang araw, eh mas pagsisisihan mo yung mga bagay na hindi mo ginawa kesa don sa mga bagay na ginawa mo.
tama! hindi ko pinagsisisihan na minahal ko siya. kaya ko nga syang mahalin forever eh. kasi, naramdaman ko na siya na. na siya na ang aking "the one", my everything, my happily ever after. pero as usual, feelingera lang pala ako. kasi the feeling is not mutual. ako lang pala yung nagmamahal. dedma lang pala sya. ayan na naman! ang sakit na naman!
saan ako makakabili ng gamot para maalis na 'tong sakit na nararamdaman ko? saan? please ayoko ng masaktan. hindi ko na kaya.....ang sakit sakit...
ay, naalala ko na sinabi niya sa akin one time yung clichè na: time heals all wounds. ang saklap! wow!
masyado ba akong manhid? or ignorante sa mga bagay bagay? or talagang denial queen lang talaga palagi ang drama ko?
sabi nila, kung gusto ka ng isang tao, gagawa at gagawa sya ng paraan para makausap ka o makita ka. oo nga naman. nangyari naman yun noon. nakita at naramdaman ko naman ang effort. pero ngayon, parang kahit anong effort pa ang gawin ko, parang wala na talaga eh.
wow! ang sakit naman non! ang sakit talaga! at sino ba naman ako para ma spare sa sakit na end result ng pagmamahal? akala ko lang special ako na hindi ko na mararamdaman yung rejection and yung kirot na kaakibat ng super sarap ng feeling ng pagiging in-love.
sabi nila, minsan kailangan mo talagang masaktan, para mas magiging strong ka sa pagharap sa buhay.
naman! kailangan ba talaga yun? kailangan ko ba talagang pagdaanan to? kailangan ko ba talagang umiyak gabi gabi dahil yung taong mahal ko eh hindi na ako mahal? bakit? bakit kailangang masaktan ako ng ganito? Ang sakit sakit kaya! yung tipong, ayaw ko ng magising. yung parang gusto ko na lang matulog at magising isang araw na wala na yung sakit. kung kaya lang sanang makuha yung pain na to sa pag-inom ng paracet, eh di, tinungga ko na sana ang paracet with banana flavor na nakita ko dito sa cabinet ko.
sabi nila, balang araw, eh mas pagsisisihan mo yung mga bagay na hindi mo ginawa kesa don sa mga bagay na ginawa mo.
tama! hindi ko pinagsisisihan na minahal ko siya. kaya ko nga syang mahalin forever eh. kasi, naramdaman ko na siya na. na siya na ang aking "the one", my everything, my happily ever after. pero as usual, feelingera lang pala ako. kasi the feeling is not mutual. ako lang pala yung nagmamahal. dedma lang pala sya. ayan na naman! ang sakit na naman!
saan ako makakabili ng gamot para maalis na 'tong sakit na nararamdaman ko? saan? please ayoko ng masaktan. hindi ko na kaya.....ang sakit sakit...
ay, naalala ko na sinabi niya sa akin one time yung clichè na: time heals all wounds. ang saklap! wow!
Friday, November 12, 2010
no chocolates allowed?!
not for me...not for me...
after his dental check-up with frank-jakob sandbakk today, Felix is no longer allowed to have chocolates. that's indefinitely.
he's not very fond of chocolates anyway. when he eats ice cream in cone, he throws the choco bits away. but he fondly eats a bar of snickers, because it's my favorite and it has become his favorite choco bar too : )
while we were strolling along the streets of Stryn after i picked him up from school this afternoon, i suddenly craved for a bar of chocolate. i wanted it so badly, that the thought of not having it made me feel like throwing up. so, i went to the store and bought a bar of mars. i offered half of it to Felix, forgetting that he is officially banned from having sweets. he reminded me that he's not allowed to have chocolates but he wants to, but he knows that he's not supposed to. then he asked me if he can have just a bite. it was my turn to remind him of the dentist's warning. i saw him purse his lips and when he does that, i can feel my heart vessels constrict with pity. and the devil in me said to him, okay, you can have a bite, but please don't tell your mom and i won't tell, too (with a devilish wink!) but then, he thought it over, and said, no, i won't have a bite even if i want to.
how's that?! i was moved by the child's strong determination to fight the temptation that the devilish joanna marie offered to him. very very impressive!
he should be my role model in self-conviction...
after his dental check-up with frank-jakob sandbakk today, Felix is no longer allowed to have chocolates. that's indefinitely.
he's not very fond of chocolates anyway. when he eats ice cream in cone, he throws the choco bits away. but he fondly eats a bar of snickers, because it's my favorite and it has become his favorite choco bar too : )
while we were strolling along the streets of Stryn after i picked him up from school this afternoon, i suddenly craved for a bar of chocolate. i wanted it so badly, that the thought of not having it made me feel like throwing up. so, i went to the store and bought a bar of mars. i offered half of it to Felix, forgetting that he is officially banned from having sweets. he reminded me that he's not allowed to have chocolates but he wants to, but he knows that he's not supposed to. then he asked me if he can have just a bite. it was my turn to remind him of the dentist's warning. i saw him purse his lips and when he does that, i can feel my heart vessels constrict with pity. and the devil in me said to him, okay, you can have a bite, but please don't tell your mom and i won't tell, too (with a devilish wink!) but then, he thought it over, and said, no, i won't have a bite even if i want to.
how's that?! i was moved by the child's strong determination to fight the temptation that the devilish joanna marie offered to him. very very impressive!
he should be my role model in self-conviction...
Thursday, November 11, 2010
så sånt....
Stig, a friend of mine, said:
Kjærlighet forsvinner og kjærlighet består. Noen er ekte og andre forgår. Noen gir glede og andre gir tårer, men faren er alltid at kjærlighet sårer. Men vennskap som dyrkes, og tillit som vernes, det er en støtte som aldri kan fjernes. Ta godt vare på dem som gir deg trygghet og glede, så har du venner som for alltid er tilstede!
Kjærlighet forsvinner og kjærlighet består. Noen er ekte og andre forgår. Noen gir glede og andre gir tårer, men faren er alltid at kjærlighet sårer. Men vennskap som dyrkes, og tillit som vernes, det er en støtte som aldri kan fjernes. Ta godt vare på dem som gir deg trygghet og glede, så har du venner som for alltid er tilstede!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
happy 2
a couple of years ago, exactly on this day, i set foot on the beautiful soil of Stryn.
i remember how amazed i was when Finn-Einar toured me around the centrum in the dark November evening. in less than three minutes, he already showed me the entire centrum (by car of course ; )). while fighting my jet-lagged head, i helped him prepare pasta for dinner. then while he was cooking, Kjersti, Felix and Oscar came home. Felix gave me a bouquet of flowers and the first thing that he said to me was "jeg er glà i deg". i had to ask Kjersti what Felix meant because i didn't understand it. and, oh! my heart quickly melted for the little guy! and on my first night here, i read for him a Norwegian bedtime story....på Dansk : )
two years have passed. a lot of wonderful things have happened. for example, i learned how to cook (boooo!!!); read på Norsk; met new people; found new friends; climbed Skåla and Slogen; fell in love with Oscar, the forest, mother nature and wild strawberries; tried to ski (boooo!!!); loved wine and alcohol all the more; finally had what they call a "nightlife"; and enjoyed every bit of family time that i had with the Kvamme's.
i never thought that i'd still be here on this day. but, well, here i am! i enjoyed the sunny cold day on the 10th of November. i snoozed my alarm 3 times before i got out of bed this morning, took Scott out for his morning ritual, had a hearty breakfast with Felix, read a few pages of "the memory keeper's daughter", strolled along the streets of Stryn for 2 hours with Felix, brought my power cable to the guy who's fixing my laptop, cuddled with Elvis and Scott, made chicken casserole for dinner, danced with lady gaga and....the day isn't over yet ; )
i love this family. i love this place. and on my 2nd year here, i'm as happy as i can be!
i remember how amazed i was when Finn-Einar toured me around the centrum in the dark November evening. in less than three minutes, he already showed me the entire centrum (by car of course ; )). while fighting my jet-lagged head, i helped him prepare pasta for dinner. then while he was cooking, Kjersti, Felix and Oscar came home. Felix gave me a bouquet of flowers and the first thing that he said to me was "jeg er glà i deg". i had to ask Kjersti what Felix meant because i didn't understand it. and, oh! my heart quickly melted for the little guy! and on my first night here, i read for him a Norwegian bedtime story....på Dansk : )
two years have passed. a lot of wonderful things have happened. for example, i learned how to cook (boooo!!!); read på Norsk; met new people; found new friends; climbed Skåla and Slogen; fell in love with Oscar, the forest, mother nature and wild strawberries; tried to ski (boooo!!!); loved wine and alcohol all the more; finally had what they call a "nightlife"; and enjoyed every bit of family time that i had with the Kvamme's.
i never thought that i'd still be here on this day. but, well, here i am! i enjoyed the sunny cold day on the 10th of November. i snoozed my alarm 3 times before i got out of bed this morning, took Scott out for his morning ritual, had a hearty breakfast with Felix, read a few pages of "the memory keeper's daughter", strolled along the streets of Stryn for 2 hours with Felix, brought my power cable to the guy who's fixing my laptop, cuddled with Elvis and Scott, made chicken casserole for dinner, danced with lady gaga and....the day isn't over yet ; )
i love this family. i love this place. and on my 2nd year here, i'm as happy as i can be!
toink!
when a realization hits you, it hits you real hard! like a stab on the already wounded skin...like a slap on the face...like a head banged on the wall...like falling on the pavement...like drowning in the sea...like shouting and no one hears you...
yes...reality just hit me now...and the pain is excruciating...
yes...reality just hit me now...and the pain is excruciating...
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
my first (and maybe last) snowfall
i felt heavy-hearted as i put on my jacket and went out for a walk in the forest. my mind is filled with so many thoughts lately...so a long walk in my comfort trail is just what i needed.
as i sat on "my throne" facing the fjord, the snow started to fall! oh, happiness! i feel happy everytime it snows...and the first snowfall is more special for me : ) i stayed seated on "my throne" until i couldn't contain my happiness anymore. i started to walk further...to the first book...to my favorite place in the forest...to the second book...down to the centrum...and back to prestestegen 17. normally, it takes me an hour max to walk the 6km around the forest. but today, it took me two hours. it was a bit childish, but i was trying to catch the snow with my mouth as i was walking, and danced around if i catch one.
...and i've never felt close to nature as much as i felt today. it was a wonderful feeling to just take the slowest pace possible, and listen to the chirping birds, the blurbing sound of the water and the wind and feel the snow on my face. even the silence was a wonderful thing!
i started off with a heavy-heart and came back home with a clear head, happy heart and a smiling face.
as i sat on "my throne" facing the fjord, the snow started to fall! oh, happiness! i feel happy everytime it snows...and the first snowfall is more special for me : ) i stayed seated on "my throne" until i couldn't contain my happiness anymore. i started to walk further...to the first book...to my favorite place in the forest...to the second book...down to the centrum...and back to prestestegen 17. normally, it takes me an hour max to walk the 6km around the forest. but today, it took me two hours. it was a bit childish, but i was trying to catch the snow with my mouth as i was walking, and danced around if i catch one.
...and i've never felt close to nature as much as i felt today. it was a wonderful feeling to just take the slowest pace possible, and listen to the chirping birds, the blurbing sound of the water and the wind and feel the snow on my face. even the silence was a wonderful thing!
i started off with a heavy-heart and came back home with a clear head, happy heart and a smiling face.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
eat pray love
how does tea taste like when your tears keep pouring down your cup? it's sweeter : )
early this morning, i cleared my tear ducts as i surrendered to the drama of the movie....
...eat pray love is a story about a successful young woman, Liz Gilbert who woke up one morning and felt that she has lost the relevance of life. she divorced her husband, left her family and friends, gave up her job, said goodbye to all the comforts that she's been used to and set out to Italy, India and Bali to find the balance of life...to find herself again.
in rome, italy, she found her lost appetite for food. she indulged herself into all kinds of pasta and naples' pizza. she found friends, who taught her the value and love of family (her landlady even told her that, everything in this life is temporary, except your family))...she felt that it was a wonderful experience for her to witness how men take care of their wives and children and how happy they all seem to be. and as she learned to speak italian, she also learned that hand gestures are very important for italians in expressing how they feel. after four months in rome, she moved on...
in india, she learned how to meditate, to connect with herself, to acknowledge her feelings and drop it, to empty her mind and let things be, to surrender and most important of all, to forgive herself. but all these didn't come easily. she had to struggle with herself to achieve all those. and yes, it took another four months for her to finally realize that God dwells within her.
in bali, indonesia, she came back to Ketut, a wise man who taught her to look through her heart and not her eyes, to smile not only in her lips, but in her mind, in her heart and even in her liver as well. it was in bali where she found love. where she found felipe, who, just like her, a divorcee. they both experienced the pain that love brings. they were both broken and they were both afraid to love again. felipe felt ready to love and be broken again but liz was resisting because she felt that she had to keep the balance that she had gained in her journey. until ketut told her that, sometimes, loosing our balance for love, is a part of a balanced life, did she finally gave in, to love...and in bali, she did not only found love, she also found herself again and her word...attraversiamo, which means, let's cross over
i felt intertwined with liz and all the friends that she found along the way of her quest. it takes a lot of courage to go on a journey like elizabeth gilbert did. especially that, it's a kind of journey that in the end, entails, whether you will find yourself or you will totally lost everything that you are.
this is the most wonderful lesson that i've learned from the movie...the rule of quest physics: if you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything, from your house, to bitter old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally; and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone that you meet along the way as a teacher; and if you were prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself and the truth will not be withheld from you.
so today, i will smile with all my heart, with all my mind, with all my liver.....
*EAT PRAY LOVE is based on the novel of the same title by Elizabeth Gilbert*
early this morning, i cleared my tear ducts as i surrendered to the drama of the movie....
...eat pray love is a story about a successful young woman, Liz Gilbert who woke up one morning and felt that she has lost the relevance of life. she divorced her husband, left her family and friends, gave up her job, said goodbye to all the comforts that she's been used to and set out to Italy, India and Bali to find the balance of life...to find herself again.
in rome, italy, she found her lost appetite for food. she indulged herself into all kinds of pasta and naples' pizza. she found friends, who taught her the value and love of family (her landlady even told her that, everything in this life is temporary, except your family))...she felt that it was a wonderful experience for her to witness how men take care of their wives and children and how happy they all seem to be. and as she learned to speak italian, she also learned that hand gestures are very important for italians in expressing how they feel. after four months in rome, she moved on...
in india, she learned how to meditate, to connect with herself, to acknowledge her feelings and drop it, to empty her mind and let things be, to surrender and most important of all, to forgive herself. but all these didn't come easily. she had to struggle with herself to achieve all those. and yes, it took another four months for her to finally realize that God dwells within her.
in bali, indonesia, she came back to Ketut, a wise man who taught her to look through her heart and not her eyes, to smile not only in her lips, but in her mind, in her heart and even in her liver as well. it was in bali where she found love. where she found felipe, who, just like her, a divorcee. they both experienced the pain that love brings. they were both broken and they were both afraid to love again. felipe felt ready to love and be broken again but liz was resisting because she felt that she had to keep the balance that she had gained in her journey. until ketut told her that, sometimes, loosing our balance for love, is a part of a balanced life, did she finally gave in, to love...and in bali, she did not only found love, she also found herself again and her word...attraversiamo, which means, let's cross over
i felt intertwined with liz and all the friends that she found along the way of her quest. it takes a lot of courage to go on a journey like elizabeth gilbert did. especially that, it's a kind of journey that in the end, entails, whether you will find yourself or you will totally lost everything that you are.
this is the most wonderful lesson that i've learned from the movie...the rule of quest physics: if you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything, from your house, to bitter old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally; and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone that you meet along the way as a teacher; and if you were prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself and the truth will not be withheld from you.
so today, i will smile with all my heart, with all my mind, with all my liver.....
*EAT PRAY LOVE is based on the novel of the same title by Elizabeth Gilbert*
Friday, November 5, 2010
ideal girl ni papa piolo
sabi ni papa piolo sa movie nila ni juday na "don't give up on us, baby"....
...at tsaka isa pa, ang hanap ko sa isang babae yung simpleng buhay lang ang gusto...yung nag-e-enjoy sa buhay na walang plano...yung masaya sya...yung talagang mahal nya ako. at tsaka okay lang sa kanya kahit nasaan kami....
papa piolo!!! ako pala ang ideal girl mo! grabe! hindi ko na carry ito! ako yun eh! yung nidi-describe mo sa movie mo! ako yun! simpleng buhay lang ang gusto ko...at buhay na buhay ako kahit walang plano, dahil yun ang buhay ko...at masayahin naman ako! grabe! ako talaga yan! hmmm!
...at tsaka isa pa, ang hanap ko sa isang babae yung simpleng buhay lang ang gusto...yung nag-e-enjoy sa buhay na walang plano...yung masaya sya...yung talagang mahal nya ako. at tsaka okay lang sa kanya kahit nasaan kami....
papa piolo!!! ako pala ang ideal girl mo! grabe! hindi ko na carry ito! ako yun eh! yung nidi-describe mo sa movie mo! ako yun! simpleng buhay lang ang gusto ko...at buhay na buhay ako kahit walang plano, dahil yun ang buhay ko...at masayahin naman ako! grabe! ako talaga yan! hmmm!
it's friday...and i'm alive!
i'm in a death row...or at least that's how i feel now and for these past days.
so, this is how it feels like when you're dying...i see things that i've taken for granted before. things seem a little bit clearer. like the color of the leaves, they just seem different to me. i've even noticed a hole on the big rock just right down the street. the air smells and feels different. i just want to close my eyes and feel the breeze as it kisses my face. the cold gentle wind embraces me every morning. i don't mind when it blows my newly ironed hair. the earth, with all the fallen autumn leaves feels so soft and vulnerable against my harsh feet. the rain feels more refreshing. the peeping sun amidst the cloudy skies makes me smile. oh, everything makes me smile! the chirping birds on the trees, Felix, the snow-capped mountains, the neighbor's cat, the coffee granules melting on steamed milk, Kjerti's hanging plants...everything!
on the way to Felix's school this morning, the old lady who lives along the highway was sleepily looking outside from her kitchen. she smiled and waved to me and Felix when she saw us walking by, and i smiled and waved back to her. this is one of the simple things that make me feel good and connected. i smile for all these simple reasons.
and i smile because it's friday!
so, this is how it feels like when you're dying...i see things that i've taken for granted before. things seem a little bit clearer. like the color of the leaves, they just seem different to me. i've even noticed a hole on the big rock just right down the street. the air smells and feels different. i just want to close my eyes and feel the breeze as it kisses my face. the cold gentle wind embraces me every morning. i don't mind when it blows my newly ironed hair. the earth, with all the fallen autumn leaves feels so soft and vulnerable against my harsh feet. the rain feels more refreshing. the peeping sun amidst the cloudy skies makes me smile. oh, everything makes me smile! the chirping birds on the trees, Felix, the snow-capped mountains, the neighbor's cat, the coffee granules melting on steamed milk, Kjerti's hanging plants...everything!
on the way to Felix's school this morning, the old lady who lives along the highway was sleepily looking outside from her kitchen. she smiled and waved to me and Felix when she saw us walking by, and i smiled and waved back to her. this is one of the simple things that make me feel good and connected. i smile for all these simple reasons.
and i smile because it's friday!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
bathroom exclusive
i'm a bathroom person. after taking a long bath, i love to linger a little longer in the bathroom and clean my nails or stare at the mirror and curse my pimples or dance and sing.
now, i have one more reason to stay in my bathroom. i only get an internet connection in here! so, here i am, locked inside my tiny bathroom with my laptop. and i'm loving it! i'm loving it as much as i'm loving and dancing to lady gaga's "just dance".
soon, i might be having a cup of tea in here. or....sleep on the bathroom floor. hmmmm...tempting!
now, i have one more reason to stay in my bathroom. i only get an internet connection in here! so, here i am, locked inside my tiny bathroom with my laptop. and i'm loving it! i'm loving it as much as i'm loving and dancing to lady gaga's "just dance".
soon, i might be having a cup of tea in here. or....sleep on the bathroom floor. hmmmm...tempting!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
brad's indie film
the author of "moonriver, butterflies and me", my first stage-acting director, my philosophy professor in college, my color yellow, peter solis nery, sent me an email today! i can't believe my eyes when i checked my inbox! i haven't heard from brad since he flew to the US. so, it was a real shocker when i got that email from him.
...and he forwarded a link to his indie film. well, what can i say? he's a pure talent! just superb!
when i remember peter solis nery, i feel like that college sophomore joanna marie bediones who got shocked when her philosophy professor asked her "would you make love to tom cruise?"
i hope he'll make more indie films. and i hope i can be in one of them. hehehe!
...and he forwarded a link to his indie film. well, what can i say? he's a pure talent! just superb!
when i remember peter solis nery, i feel like that college sophomore joanna marie bediones who got shocked when her philosophy professor asked her "would you make love to tom cruise?"
i hope he'll make more indie films. and i hope i can be in one of them. hehehe!
meet Scott, kuya Oscar
hey Kuya O! howdy? i miss you!
so now, you officially met Scott. he's as sweet as you are, Kuya. though i don't see him that much because Kjersti brings him to the office everyday to get him used to the car, you know. hehehe. remember how crazy you get when we're driving? well, Kjersti doesn't want that to happen with Scott. so every morning, we wave him goodbye as Kjersti locks him in his cage and drives off to Olden. and when they come home, he would run to Felix and me like crazy and usually tags on my leg. and like you, he would sit on my lap and would stare at the pages of the book that i'm reading. i love his fluffy fur and huge ears. he's a little active when he's out in the garden too. you know, running around. and kuya O, he barks! hahaha! i love his teenee weenee bark! i wonder if he could scare Elvis with that kind of bark but, we'll see.
i miss you, my dear kuya Oscar. i love you so so much! like, so so much!
stubborn me!
everytime we disagree about something, my mother used to tell me that my stubbornness is my strongest character....and it is also my worst. the last time i heard her say that was like, 10 years ago. when i started to set out on my own, she just stopped picking on me. but lately, my mother's statement is like a broken record that keeps on playing in my head.
if i set my mind into something, i do it, no matter what the consequences are. i'm spontaneous and outrageous, yes. and if i don't want something, i am one of a bull-headed girl. that gets to my mother's nerves. oh, how she hated me for being like that!
now, i am being stubborn again. this time, it's not my mother who scolds me. it's HG! she thinks i'm being unreasonable and impractical...for stubbornly declining an indecent proposal. i mean, hello!?!?! i may be a crazy fanatic for wanting to stay in this country rather than going back to where i came from, but there must be some other way that i can stay here than changing a fake "i do" and "happily ever after" with a stranger. i am not negotiable. i am not for sale. i am joanna marie bediones and i am stubborn! talk to my hand!
and besides, my heart is stubbornly in-love right now. my heart has, pretty much, a mind of its own and i can't meddle with it. HG calls it stupidity. i call it love. HG calls me, unrealistic. i call me, idealistic.
in this scary and unpredictable world, my dreams and idealisms are my backbone.
i go where my heart and mind leads me. the end-result of my decisions may not be as promising as everyone expects it to be, but i will do what i feel is right for me. i'm not here to please other people. i am here to live my life the way i want it to be. i am here in this planet to love whomever my heart chooses to love.
my mother calls me stubborn...and now and only now, i completely agree with her.
p.s. HG, please understand that i love Andrè, because i choose to love him...i may be hurt in the process, but pain is the backside of loving a person. i am prepared for that. what i am not prepared to is, being miserable with someone i don't love for the rest of my life. i am stubborn and i thank God for that.
i love you, HG.
if i set my mind into something, i do it, no matter what the consequences are. i'm spontaneous and outrageous, yes. and if i don't want something, i am one of a bull-headed girl. that gets to my mother's nerves. oh, how she hated me for being like that!
now, i am being stubborn again. this time, it's not my mother who scolds me. it's HG! she thinks i'm being unreasonable and impractical...for stubbornly declining an indecent proposal. i mean, hello!?!?! i may be a crazy fanatic for wanting to stay in this country rather than going back to where i came from, but there must be some other way that i can stay here than changing a fake "i do" and "happily ever after" with a stranger. i am not negotiable. i am not for sale. i am joanna marie bediones and i am stubborn! talk to my hand!
and besides, my heart is stubbornly in-love right now. my heart has, pretty much, a mind of its own and i can't meddle with it. HG calls it stupidity. i call it love. HG calls me, unrealistic. i call me, idealistic.
in this scary and unpredictable world, my dreams and idealisms are my backbone.
i go where my heart and mind leads me. the end-result of my decisions may not be as promising as everyone expects it to be, but i will do what i feel is right for me. i'm not here to please other people. i am here to live my life the way i want it to be. i am here in this planet to love whomever my heart chooses to love.
my mother calls me stubborn...and now and only now, i completely agree with her.
p.s. HG, please understand that i love Andrè, because i choose to love him...i may be hurt in the process, but pain is the backside of loving a person. i am prepared for that. what i am not prepared to is, being miserable with someone i don't love for the rest of my life. i am stubborn and i thank God for that.
i love you, HG.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
i'm a little relieved...but...
today i submitted my application to the police. as they were checking my papers one by one, i got the urge to run away. i'm really afraid of rejection and i'm very vulnerable right now. if the police didn't accept my papers earlier, i could have shed a fountain of tears in front of the woman who was handling my documents. that would have been a real shame.
okay. so officially, i'm allowed to stay here in Norway as i wait for the approval of my application. but if the UDI will kick me out anytime, then i just have to be prepared.
a friend of mine told me that UDI is a hopeless agency...but i need to hope...and i am hoping because i want to stay here...i don't want to go back...i just want to be here...
okay. so officially, i'm allowed to stay here in Norway as i wait for the approval of my application. but if the UDI will kick me out anytime, then i just have to be prepared.
a friend of mine told me that UDI is a hopeless agency...but i need to hope...and i am hoping because i want to stay here...i don't want to go back...i just want to be here...
Monday, November 1, 2010
a funny thing happened on my way to the moon
last night, i dreamt that i was getting married. i entered a big church wearing a red dress. i looked good on it, actually. hehehe. anyways, instead of walking down the aisle, i walked through the side pews to the altar. and there at the altar, the royalties were waiting for me. i clearly remember princess Victoria and Madeleine being there. at that moment, i realized that i didn't know whom i was getting married with. and in my dream, i figured out that...since the princesses of Sweden were there, i might be marrying the prince! (thunder and lightning!) then, somebody came to me and told me that i had to change my dress. the princesses both agreed to that. so i changed. i was a little bit disappointed to change into a very traditional wedding gown instead of my hot red dress. hmp! but well...i obliged nicely to their demands. after i was wrapped in that white fluffy gown, they told me to go to the back door of the church. again! because then, i'd have to walk down the aisle. naks! when i got out in the open, it was only then that i realized that i really had to hurry because my wedding will start soon and i'm not even at the back door. and the church! the church was huge. it was like the whole street from Prestestegen 17 to the centrum of Stryn. i panicked! i ran to the street and tried to stop some cars to give me a ride but nobody even cared. i bet if i had my hot red dress on i might have gotten a ride. and a fast one! anyways, so there i was, in the middle of the street, running to the back of the church. i tripped off and fell (oh, how embarrassing! even in my dreams, i still have bloopers!). i remember standing up and dusting my big fluffy wedding gown. then, the scene changed into a place full of metallic stuffs. and i was sitting right there, waiting...then a guy came and sat beside me and i asked him "do you know when is the next flight to the moon?". oooppss! that was quite strange. anyways, i was already on the vehicle going to the moon when i remembered that i was supposed to get married. i panicked again and asked the pilot to stop. when he did, i almost jumped off the vehicle and ran back to the church.
huff! what a dream, huh! i woke up and felt very very tired. with all that running and panicking...not to mention the tripping and falling. hopefully, that won't happen in my real wedding day...especially the part where i had to wear a big fluffy wedding gown ; )
huff! what a dream, huh! i woke up and felt very very tired. with all that running and panicking...not to mention the tripping and falling. hopefully, that won't happen in my real wedding day...especially the part where i had to wear a big fluffy wedding gown ; )
Sunday, October 31, 2010
nakaka relate talaga ako sa song na 'to
halaga by parokya ni edgar
Umiiyak ka na naman
Langya talaga , wala ka bang ibang alam
Namumugtong mga mata
Kailan pa ba kaya ikaw magsasawa
Sa problema na iyong pinapasan
Hatid sayo ng boyfriend mong hindi mo maintindihan
May kwento kang pandrama na naman
Parang pang TV na walang katapusan
Hanggang kailan ka bang ganyan
Hindi mo ba alam na walang pupuntahan
Ang pagtiyaga mo dyan sa boyfriend mong tanga
Na wala nang ginawa kundi ang paluhain ka
Chorus:
Sa libu-libong pagkakataon na tayoy nagkasama
Iilang ulit palang kitang nakitang masaya
Naiinis akong isipin na ginaganyan ka nya
Siguro ay hindi niya lang alam ang iyong
Tunay na halaga
Hindi na dapat pag-usapan pa
Nagpapagod na rin ako sa aking kakasalita
Hindi ka rin naman nakikinig
Kahit sobrang pagod na ang aking bibig
Sa mga payo kong di mo pinapansin
Akala mo'y nakikinig di rin naman tatanggapin
Ayoko nang isipin pa
Di ko alam ba't di mo makayanan na iwanan sya
Ang dami-dami naman diyang iba
Wag kang mangangambang baka wala ka nang ibang makita
Na lalake na magmahal sayo
At hinding hindi nya sasayangin ang pag-ibig mo
Minsan hindi ko maintindihan
Parang ang buhay natin ay napagti-tripan
Medyo malabo yata ang mundo
Binabasura ng iba ang siya'y pinapangarap ko
Umiiyak ka na naman
Langya talaga , wala ka bang ibang alam
Namumugtong mga mata
Kailan pa ba kaya ikaw magsasawa
Sa problema na iyong pinapasan
Hatid sayo ng boyfriend mong hindi mo maintindihan
May kwento kang pandrama na naman
Parang pang TV na walang katapusan
Hanggang kailan ka bang ganyan
Hindi mo ba alam na walang pupuntahan
Ang pagtiyaga mo dyan sa boyfriend mong tanga
Na wala nang ginawa kundi ang paluhain ka
Chorus:
Sa libu-libong pagkakataon na tayoy nagkasama
Iilang ulit palang kitang nakitang masaya
Naiinis akong isipin na ginaganyan ka nya
Siguro ay hindi niya lang alam ang iyong
Tunay na halaga
Hindi na dapat pag-usapan pa
Nagpapagod na rin ako sa aking kakasalita
Hindi ka rin naman nakikinig
Kahit sobrang pagod na ang aking bibig
Sa mga payo kong di mo pinapansin
Akala mo'y nakikinig di rin naman tatanggapin
Ayoko nang isipin pa
Di ko alam ba't di mo makayanan na iwanan sya
Ang dami-dami naman diyang iba
Wag kang mangangambang baka wala ka nang ibang makita
Na lalake na magmahal sayo
At hinding hindi nya sasayangin ang pag-ibig mo
Minsan hindi ko maintindihan
Parang ang buhay natin ay napagti-tripan
Medyo malabo yata ang mundo
Binabasura ng iba ang siya'y pinapangarap ko
before i go...
two things that i hate in this world are, rejection and goodbyes. they weigh exactly the same in my hate-weighing scale...but right now, goodbyes are pulling the weight to the ground.
wandering and living from one place to another brought me the gift of friendship and family. i have been attached to every people whom i've met along the way of my journey. i have loved them and cherished their love, care and concern for me. they have brought happiness to me when i was low-spirited and i hope that i have made them happy in one way or another too. i am so grateful for what they have done which made me more human at heart.
i want to thank these people in my own little way.
Kjersti and Finn-Einar,
thank you for taking really good care of me. for listening to all my worries and even sharing my worries. thank you for taking the effort to help me stay here for at least a little longer. maybe it will work out. maybe it won't. but i want you to know that either way the result may turn out, i appreciate all your help.
thank you for accepting my imperfections, for being considerate with my amateur cooking, for understanding my secret war with flour and yeast, for all the endless laughter in the kitchen while we're preparing dinner on friday nights, for the bottomless wine refill ( ; )), for teaching me how to ski (although i easily gave up on that one), for bringing me in to this wonderful place, for trusting me, and for loving me. i love you both.
Felix,
oh, i will miss you so much, my sweet little bestfriend. thank you for teaching me how to speak Norsk (you are a great teacher, by the way ; )). i am really thankful to have a wonderful kid like you. we may have our tantrums in the beginning, but we eventually managed to compromise with each other and it has become a smooth journey for both of us. thank you for patiently listening to my rantlings. thank you for understanding me in your own little way. thank you for looking after me when i don't feel very well. thank you for giving in when i nag that i need to go for a walk in the forest. thank you for keeping our little secret a secret. hehehe. i love you, Felix Kvamme!
ate Hazel,
you know how much i appreciate your friendship. thank you for being like a sister to me, for enlightening me when i am confused. thank you for making me aware that i've done something bad and for talking me out of it. it's such a blessing to have a very mature friend like you. thank you so much for loving me eventhough you know how crazy a person i am. thank you for all the happy weekends that i have spent in your place and for filling out my craving for filipino food. thank you for always looking after me. for comforting me when i am so dramatic about something.
i will miss our walks in the forest, our tummy-aching laughter over little stuffs, our shopping galore, our coffee-break in the centrum, our pictorials. i will miss your sudden apparition in my backdoor. i will miss your bubbly presence in my life.
i love you, girl. we'll remain friends no matter how far we are from each other, right?
Ragnhild and Rita,
thank you for all your help.
kuya Jan Marius,
i will always be your number one fan! and remember, i have the first autographed photo of you! winks! winks!
Marit,
thank you for always being there to rescue Felix and me when we need a ride to school. you are such an angel.
Jillian,
thank you for making me laugh without any effort from your part. keep on singing. you bring so much joy to people when you sing ; ) peace!
Abigail Madlansacay,
stop calling me Joan Mucho and i will stop calling you Abigail Madlansacay. deal? thank you girl for being my refuge. thank you for celebrating with me on the day of my deliverance. thank you for not freaking out when i burst into sudden tears. i know you totally disagree with my fanatic obsession about my "one true love". but you know Abigail, that i have come to this age and still single, because i believe that there is someone out there who is destined for me. and thank you for not freaking out when i told you that i've found him but uncertain if i am his "one true love" too.
i will miss you Aby.
Ursula,
i love you, U! thank you for accommodating me everytime i need a place to stay in dk. you know how much i love our endless talk during the night until the early dawn. thank you for sparing a song for me in the soundtrack of your life. it makes me feel so special that i have one cut in your pie of life. thank you for listening to all my worries and for not judging me. i will always remember our adventure in the streets of Rome. you are such a blessing to me U. major major thank you!
Gracie,
you never fail to make me laugh no matter how impossible a situation may seem to be. thank you for teaching me some of your recipes and for encouraging me that i am capable of cooking. hahaha! thank you for travelling 4 hours to copenhagen and back to odense just to spend the night with me and Ursula. i really appreciate it, Gracie. you make me feel so special.
i wish you and Michaèl more happy years together. love you, Gracie!
Stig,
thank you for the wonderful trip to Slogen. good luck to you.
to the old lady whom i normally bump into during my walk in the forest,
sorry i don't know your name. but you have been an inspiration to me right from my very first step into the forest trail. thank you for your generous smile.
ate Maria, ate Ofelia, ate Angie and to all my ate's,
thank you so much for being like a family to me. i love you, my ate's.
Rebecca,
thank you for being such an angel. for loaning your computer to me when mine was broken, your bike when i needed to get away or just to wander around in a faster way, your skiing shoes (hehehe)...thank you for everything.
i wish you all the best.
Andrè,
thank you for coming into my life. i am happy that we have been aware of each other's existence and have actually taken the effort to see for ourselves if there's a chance for love. thank you for giving me this wonderful feeling of being in love and for sharing a part of your life with me. i love you.... i'm sorry if i say it a lot, because there is no other way for me to show you how i feel for you.
the thought of being far away from you makes me feel heavy-hearted because i am afraid of loosing my one true love. i hope that love will bring us back together someday because i would love to spend my lifetime with you. but if not, i want you know that i am lucky enough to have known you and loved by you even for just a short span of time. if our paths will never cross again, i hope that you will find that woman who will truly love you and take care of you. whoever that woman is, she should know how lucky she is to have you.
i wish you happiness and love, Andrè.
i love you......
.....saying goodbye is not an easy thing to do. but it's the reality that i am facing now as the countdown in my 10 fingers begins...i will have to struggle with my tears and separation anxiety in the coming days...so help me, G! i will try my very best to be tough and i will think positively, that something beautiful awaits me.
to all the wonderful people that have been a part of my journey, i will always cherish you all. i will keep all of you in the center of my heart so that it will be easy for me to look back and remember the happy days that i have spent with you.
i can't thank all of you enough....
wandering and living from one place to another brought me the gift of friendship and family. i have been attached to every people whom i've met along the way of my journey. i have loved them and cherished their love, care and concern for me. they have brought happiness to me when i was low-spirited and i hope that i have made them happy in one way or another too. i am so grateful for what they have done which made me more human at heart.
i want to thank these people in my own little way.
Kjersti and Finn-Einar,
thank you for taking really good care of me. for listening to all my worries and even sharing my worries. thank you for taking the effort to help me stay here for at least a little longer. maybe it will work out. maybe it won't. but i want you to know that either way the result may turn out, i appreciate all your help.
thank you for accepting my imperfections, for being considerate with my amateur cooking, for understanding my secret war with flour and yeast, for all the endless laughter in the kitchen while we're preparing dinner on friday nights, for the bottomless wine refill ( ; )), for teaching me how to ski (although i easily gave up on that one), for bringing me in to this wonderful place, for trusting me, and for loving me. i love you both.
Felix,
oh, i will miss you so much, my sweet little bestfriend. thank you for teaching me how to speak Norsk (you are a great teacher, by the way ; )). i am really thankful to have a wonderful kid like you. we may have our tantrums in the beginning, but we eventually managed to compromise with each other and it has become a smooth journey for both of us. thank you for patiently listening to my rantlings. thank you for understanding me in your own little way. thank you for looking after me when i don't feel very well. thank you for giving in when i nag that i need to go for a walk in the forest. thank you for keeping our little secret a secret. hehehe. i love you, Felix Kvamme!
ate Hazel,
you know how much i appreciate your friendship. thank you for being like a sister to me, for enlightening me when i am confused. thank you for making me aware that i've done something bad and for talking me out of it. it's such a blessing to have a very mature friend like you. thank you so much for loving me eventhough you know how crazy a person i am. thank you for all the happy weekends that i have spent in your place and for filling out my craving for filipino food. thank you for always looking after me. for comforting me when i am so dramatic about something.
i will miss our walks in the forest, our tummy-aching laughter over little stuffs, our shopping galore, our coffee-break in the centrum, our pictorials. i will miss your sudden apparition in my backdoor. i will miss your bubbly presence in my life.
i love you, girl. we'll remain friends no matter how far we are from each other, right?
Ragnhild and Rita,
thank you for all your help.
kuya Jan Marius,
i will always be your number one fan! and remember, i have the first autographed photo of you! winks! winks!
Marit,
thank you for always being there to rescue Felix and me when we need a ride to school. you are such an angel.
Jillian,
thank you for making me laugh without any effort from your part. keep on singing. you bring so much joy to people when you sing ; ) peace!
Abigail Madlansacay,
stop calling me Joan Mucho and i will stop calling you Abigail Madlansacay. deal? thank you girl for being my refuge. thank you for celebrating with me on the day of my deliverance. thank you for not freaking out when i burst into sudden tears. i know you totally disagree with my fanatic obsession about my "one true love". but you know Abigail, that i have come to this age and still single, because i believe that there is someone out there who is destined for me. and thank you for not freaking out when i told you that i've found him but uncertain if i am his "one true love" too.
i will miss you Aby.
Ursula,
i love you, U! thank you for accommodating me everytime i need a place to stay in dk. you know how much i love our endless talk during the night until the early dawn. thank you for sparing a song for me in the soundtrack of your life. it makes me feel so special that i have one cut in your pie of life. thank you for listening to all my worries and for not judging me. i will always remember our adventure in the streets of Rome. you are such a blessing to me U. major major thank you!
Gracie,
you never fail to make me laugh no matter how impossible a situation may seem to be. thank you for teaching me some of your recipes and for encouraging me that i am capable of cooking. hahaha! thank you for travelling 4 hours to copenhagen and back to odense just to spend the night with me and Ursula. i really appreciate it, Gracie. you make me feel so special.
i wish you and Michaèl more happy years together. love you, Gracie!
Stig,
thank you for the wonderful trip to Slogen. good luck to you.
to the old lady whom i normally bump into during my walk in the forest,
sorry i don't know your name. but you have been an inspiration to me right from my very first step into the forest trail. thank you for your generous smile.
ate Maria, ate Ofelia, ate Angie and to all my ate's,
thank you so much for being like a family to me. i love you, my ate's.
Rebecca,
thank you for being such an angel. for loaning your computer to me when mine was broken, your bike when i needed to get away or just to wander around in a faster way, your skiing shoes (hehehe)...thank you for everything.
i wish you all the best.
Andrè,
thank you for coming into my life. i am happy that we have been aware of each other's existence and have actually taken the effort to see for ourselves if there's a chance for love. thank you for giving me this wonderful feeling of being in love and for sharing a part of your life with me. i love you.... i'm sorry if i say it a lot, because there is no other way for me to show you how i feel for you.
the thought of being far away from you makes me feel heavy-hearted because i am afraid of loosing my one true love. i hope that love will bring us back together someday because i would love to spend my lifetime with you. but if not, i want you know that i am lucky enough to have known you and loved by you even for just a short span of time. if our paths will never cross again, i hope that you will find that woman who will truly love you and take care of you. whoever that woman is, she should know how lucky she is to have you.
i wish you happiness and love, Andrè.
i love you......
.....saying goodbye is not an easy thing to do. but it's the reality that i am facing now as the countdown in my 10 fingers begins...i will have to struggle with my tears and separation anxiety in the coming days...so help me, G! i will try my very best to be tough and i will think positively, that something beautiful awaits me.
to all the wonderful people that have been a part of my journey, i will always cherish you all. i will keep all of you in the center of my heart so that it will be easy for me to look back and remember the happy days that i have spent with you.
i can't thank all of you enough....
Friday, October 29, 2010
juno
she's a 16-year old girl who got a pregnant.
the first person who knew that she was pregnant was the guy at the store where she brought her pregnancy test kit. then, she told the father of the baby, who was totally clueless about what to do with the baby and juno. after that, she delivered the news to her bestfriend, who got worried for the wrong reasons but was, at least cool about it.
she wanted to have an abortion at first but she changed her mind when she was in the clinic already. plus the fact that a girl from her school warned her that the baby has fingernails already. she ran out of the clinic as fast as she could.
juno and her bestfriend looked for adoptive parents for the baby. when they found a "qualified" couple, that was the time when juno told her parents about her pregnancy. they were shocked, but they were so calm about it. asked about the important details then planned on what to do with the baby...which was apparently, an easy task because juno has planned it herself and was determined to stick to her plans.
i like juno. i mean, for a 16-year old, she's a total brainer. she's so calm about her situation. she's got a one-track mind. she knows (or at least, she thinks she knows) what to do about her pregnancy. she speaks out her mind. she continues to live her life. she goes on with her passion with music. she loves. she becomes even closer to her family. she has become a mature person at 16.
seeing her on screen with her planet-like-bulging belly, she has awaken something in me. like, at that fleeting moment, i wanted to be pregnant and be a mother too. i was touched by the way she feels her baby kicking inside her tummy. oh, i loved the way she walks and carries an extra 10 pounds. i want! i want! now na!
wahahahaha!
the first person who knew that she was pregnant was the guy at the store where she brought her pregnancy test kit. then, she told the father of the baby, who was totally clueless about what to do with the baby and juno. after that, she delivered the news to her bestfriend, who got worried for the wrong reasons but was, at least cool about it.
she wanted to have an abortion at first but she changed her mind when she was in the clinic already. plus the fact that a girl from her school warned her that the baby has fingernails already. she ran out of the clinic as fast as she could.
juno and her bestfriend looked for adoptive parents for the baby. when they found a "qualified" couple, that was the time when juno told her parents about her pregnancy. they were shocked, but they were so calm about it. asked about the important details then planned on what to do with the baby...which was apparently, an easy task because juno has planned it herself and was determined to stick to her plans.
i like juno. i mean, for a 16-year old, she's a total brainer. she's so calm about her situation. she's got a one-track mind. she knows (or at least, she thinks she knows) what to do about her pregnancy. she speaks out her mind. she continues to live her life. she goes on with her passion with music. she loves. she becomes even closer to her family. she has become a mature person at 16.
seeing her on screen with her planet-like-bulging belly, she has awaken something in me. like, at that fleeting moment, i wanted to be pregnant and be a mother too. i was touched by the way she feels her baby kicking inside her tummy. oh, i loved the way she walks and carries an extra 10 pounds. i want! i want! now na!
wahahahaha!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
scott
we officially have a new puppy! scott. he's a 2-month old cockapoo. all black-soft-fluffy fur. he has sleepy charming eyes.
he is so cute and everyone has fallen in-love with him. even Finn-Einar. hehe.
i haven't taken scott for a long walk yet. his legs are still too weak for it.
i adore him. he follows me all around the house. sometimes i get scared that i might accidentally step on him. he is so tiny that he looks like a furball : )
scott is a super calm dog compared to kuya oscar's rough behavior. i still think of oscar when i hug scott. but they have a distinct scent, so sooner or later, scott will etch his own memory in my brain.
he is so cute and everyone has fallen in-love with him. even Finn-Einar. hehe.
i haven't taken scott for a long walk yet. his legs are still too weak for it.
i adore him. he follows me all around the house. sometimes i get scared that i might accidentally step on him. he is so tiny that he looks like a furball : )
scott is a super calm dog compared to kuya oscar's rough behavior. i still think of oscar when i hug scott. but they have a distinct scent, so sooner or later, scott will etch his own memory in my brain.
huhuhu
typing with the use of on-screen keyboard: that's my capital punishment for dropping my laptop on the bathroom floor : (
i took it to the repair shop. but after several days of my laptop's sleepover in the shop, i went there to check for any progress...only to be told by the technician that there's something wrong with the keyboard. duh! i knew that already...
so, with much disappointment, i managed to smile and thank the tech guy and brought my laptop back home.
as we speak, i already used 15 minutes in typing three sentences! i am doomed! why am i being punished? the last time i checked, i have been a good girl. so, why?
i took it to the repair shop. but after several days of my laptop's sleepover in the shop, i went there to check for any progress...only to be told by the technician that there's something wrong with the keyboard. duh! i knew that already...
so, with much disappointment, i managed to smile and thank the tech guy and brought my laptop back home.
as we speak, i already used 15 minutes in typing three sentences! i am doomed! why am i being punished? the last time i checked, i have been a good girl. so, why?
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
a letter to Andrè
my sweet Andrè,
i find it amazing that out of 6,875,700,000 people in this planet, i actually found YOU. consider me the luckiest alien!
i have been wandering everywhere half of my life because i don't feel like i really belong anywhere. that's why i kept on saying to myself that, i'll just find myself under the sun...until i finally find a place that i feel safe, loved and accepted. maybe i have given you the wrong impression about me when it comes to my wanderings...i am too pretentious to admit to anyone that i am alone and lonely. i want people to think of me as someone who is strong, free-spirited and independent. but at the end of the day, i still need someone to claim me and to love me.
there are a lot of things that i am unsure of. so many things that are unforeseen. but i know one thing and only one thing for sure: that i love you and that i want to be with you.
you have passing questions to me when we were together. you might not remember them, but i do. i was silent and couldn't say anything during those times because i didn't know if you were serious...and your queries were so overwhelming. YOU are overwhelming. but now, i will answer them...
you asked me once if i want to be the mother of your children...
yes, i would love to be the mother of your kids and i would want you to be the father of my kids too.
when you were driving past the centrum of Lillehammer, you saw an old couple who were walking together. you pointed them to me. then you asked me if we can be like them. if we can grow old together...
yes, i want to grow old with you... to walk with you even if we are already suffering from arthritis. i will hold your hand for more support even if you have your cane on the other hand. i want to see you hunt and fish as you age.
you asked me once if i want to be married...
yes, i want to be married. now, i can see myself being married.
you asked me if i would stay with you and take care of you...
yes, there is nothing else than i want in this world than to be with you. i love you and i care for you...everything else follows
in Lillehammer, when we were crossing the street to the cafe where we had our breakfast, you said that you wanted to try something. then you held my hand...
it was a wonderful feeling...holding your hand...
in the hotel room in Lillehammer, you sat in front of me and told me that, i have burned myself in your heart and you will always remember me even when you're 70 and sitting all alone on your couch...
well, Andrè...i don't want to be just a memory, because memory fades. i want to be actually there with you, in person, and share moments with you and to sit with you on the couch when you're 70 or 80 or 90...
i finally feel that i belong to someone. to you. you captured my heart and i chose you to have it. i want to end my wanderings and flutter my butterfly wings towards you. because in you, Andrè, i feel safe, accepted and loved. you make me feel like i'm home...finally.
i find it amazing that out of 6,875,700,000 people in this planet, i actually found YOU. consider me the luckiest alien!
i have been wandering everywhere half of my life because i don't feel like i really belong anywhere. that's why i kept on saying to myself that, i'll just find myself under the sun...until i finally find a place that i feel safe, loved and accepted. maybe i have given you the wrong impression about me when it comes to my wanderings...i am too pretentious to admit to anyone that i am alone and lonely. i want people to think of me as someone who is strong, free-spirited and independent. but at the end of the day, i still need someone to claim me and to love me.
there are a lot of things that i am unsure of. so many things that are unforeseen. but i know one thing and only one thing for sure: that i love you and that i want to be with you.
you have passing questions to me when we were together. you might not remember them, but i do. i was silent and couldn't say anything during those times because i didn't know if you were serious...and your queries were so overwhelming. YOU are overwhelming. but now, i will answer them...
you asked me once if i want to be the mother of your children...
yes, i would love to be the mother of your kids and i would want you to be the father of my kids too.
when you were driving past the centrum of Lillehammer, you saw an old couple who were walking together. you pointed them to me. then you asked me if we can be like them. if we can grow old together...
yes, i want to grow old with you... to walk with you even if we are already suffering from arthritis. i will hold your hand for more support even if you have your cane on the other hand. i want to see you hunt and fish as you age.
you asked me once if i want to be married...
yes, i want to be married. now, i can see myself being married.
you asked me if i would stay with you and take care of you...
yes, there is nothing else than i want in this world than to be with you. i love you and i care for you...everything else follows
in Lillehammer, when we were crossing the street to the cafe where we had our breakfast, you said that you wanted to try something. then you held my hand...
it was a wonderful feeling...holding your hand...
in the hotel room in Lillehammer, you sat in front of me and told me that, i have burned myself in your heart and you will always remember me even when you're 70 and sitting all alone on your couch...
well, Andrè...i don't want to be just a memory, because memory fades. i want to be actually there with you, in person, and share moments with you and to sit with you on the couch when you're 70 or 80 or 90...
i finally feel that i belong to someone. to you. you captured my heart and i chose you to have it. i want to end my wanderings and flutter my butterfly wings towards you. because in you, Andrè, i feel safe, accepted and loved. you make me feel like i'm home...finally.
Monday, October 18, 2010
waaahhh!!!
chaks! magkaka nervous breakdown yata ako sa episode 23 and 24 ng Grey's Anatomy!!! shocking ang mga pangyayari! and Derek can't die. he can't! he's mcdreamy, for chrissakes.....he can't die...please..he can't die....
trigger
it's either i'm just overreacting these past days or there is something here that i'm not seeing.
i am confused. about everything. i don't want to be in the state of confusion now because it drives me crazy.
you trigger my confusion. i'm sorry. i don't want to bother you with this, but you do, give rise to all the things that are running inside my head.
i love you. i really really do.
please don't confuse me....
i am confused. about everything. i don't want to be in the state of confusion now because it drives me crazy.
you trigger my confusion. i'm sorry. i don't want to bother you with this, but you do, give rise to all the things that are running inside my head.
i love you. i really really do.
please don't confuse me....
Sunday, October 17, 2010
ano ito?
ayaw na ayaw ko talaga 'yung tipong hindi ako kinikibo ng isang tao. pero as usual, kahit na ano pang sama ng loob ko na hindi ako pinapansin, eh, sa akin na lang yun. kikimkimin ko na lang yung sakit na nararamdaman ko.
alam ko, insensitive ako minsan. or minsan, pinapakita ko na lang na insensitive ako. kasi, kung papansinin mo naman at i-a-analyze ang littlest details, eh for sure, maloloka ka. at tsaka, hindi naman ako yung tipong magna-nag or something. kung ayaw akong pansinin ng isang tao, well, masakit, pero...anong magagawa ko, eh ayaw nya akong pansinin eh. alam mo yun? eh di, tahimik na lang ako.
kaya naman, nagkaka-indigestion ako. hindi ko napapansin, ang dami ko na palang kinakain at hindi man lang ako umiinom ng tubig. mabuti na nga lang napigilan ko ang self ko na hindi mag coffee today. kung hindi, naku! baka naputulan ko na naman ulit ang buhok ko.
ang sakit kaya non, no? yung mahal na mahal mo yung tao, tapos parang lahat lahat na gusto mong sabihin sa kanya kasi nga nag-uumapaw ang love mo para sa kanya. tapos lumipas na ang isang oras, dalawa, hanggang sampu, wala man lang sagot kahit isang smiley! ouch! kinukurot naman ang heart ko non. at tsaka minamartilyo pa (tama ba yun?)....
syempre, nag-iba na talaga ang lahat pagkatapos ng ilang weeks na hindi kami nagkita. ewan ko. insensitive nga ako pero hindi naman ako oblivious para hindi ko mapansin yung mga pagbabago. hehehe. nakaka miss kaya yung mga mensahe sa yahoo. kahit yung mga text. at tsaka yung usapan din sa ym. ngayon kasi, hanggang hi-hello-goodnight na lang.
ano ito?
palangga ko gid sa ya! as in, promise! to the highest level! kaya nga masakit kasi mahal ko sya eh.....
alam ko, insensitive ako minsan. or minsan, pinapakita ko na lang na insensitive ako. kasi, kung papansinin mo naman at i-a-analyze ang littlest details, eh for sure, maloloka ka. at tsaka, hindi naman ako yung tipong magna-nag or something. kung ayaw akong pansinin ng isang tao, well, masakit, pero...anong magagawa ko, eh ayaw nya akong pansinin eh. alam mo yun? eh di, tahimik na lang ako.
kaya naman, nagkaka-indigestion ako. hindi ko napapansin, ang dami ko na palang kinakain at hindi man lang ako umiinom ng tubig. mabuti na nga lang napigilan ko ang self ko na hindi mag coffee today. kung hindi, naku! baka naputulan ko na naman ulit ang buhok ko.
ang sakit kaya non, no? yung mahal na mahal mo yung tao, tapos parang lahat lahat na gusto mong sabihin sa kanya kasi nga nag-uumapaw ang love mo para sa kanya. tapos lumipas na ang isang oras, dalawa, hanggang sampu, wala man lang sagot kahit isang smiley! ouch! kinukurot naman ang heart ko non. at tsaka minamartilyo pa (tama ba yun?)....
syempre, nag-iba na talaga ang lahat pagkatapos ng ilang weeks na hindi kami nagkita. ewan ko. insensitive nga ako pero hindi naman ako oblivious para hindi ko mapansin yung mga pagbabago. hehehe. nakaka miss kaya yung mga mensahe sa yahoo. kahit yung mga text. at tsaka yung usapan din sa ym. ngayon kasi, hanggang hi-hello-goodnight na lang.
ano ito?
palangga ko gid sa ya! as in, promise! to the highest level! kaya nga masakit kasi mahal ko sya eh.....
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