listening

i have difficulties in hearing and listening. i need to listen to someone or something at least twice before i can react to what i've heard.

so, it came as a BIG surprise to me when i got my TOEFL results and i found out that my highest score was in listening! unbelievable! really? really?!

i'm happy to know that i'm not that deaf after all. i'm just a selective listener.

paranoia

the best way to handle paranoia is just to focus on what's in front of you


Grey's Anatomy
Season 6 Episode 3

let me be

if i seem indifferent and distant
don't talk or do things that i used to do
just let me be

if i no longer amuse you
or give you that smile that you have gotten used to
let me be

if i want to be alone
and wander through the pages of a book
let me be

i am entitled for silence
for silence is my refuge
i am allowed to be alone
for it is the only way to be with my self
i am excused not to join you
in whatever you do
because you don't amuse me
and what you do is neither amusing

so please, let me be

santa baby (Eartha Kitt)

Santa baby, just slip a sable under the tree, for me
I've been an awful good girl
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, a 54 convertible too, light blue
I'll wait up for you dear
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun i've missed
Think of all the fellas that i haven't kissed
Next year i could be just as good
If you'd check off my christmas list

Santa honey, i wanna yacht and really that's
Not a lot
I've been an angel all year
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa honey, theres one thing i really do need, the deed
To a platinum mine
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex, and checks
Sign your 'x' on the line
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my christmas tree
With some decorations bought at tiffany's
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring
I don't mean on the phone
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry tonight

separation anxiety

last night, i slept with dried tears on my cheeks and Carlos Ruiz Zafon's "The Shadow of the Wind" wrapped in my arms.

i have been engulfed to a certain level of intimacy with Fermin, Daniel, Julian, Nuria and all the great characters in the book. for the past two weeks, i wandered the streets of Barcelona with them, got soaked in the rain, shared their fear, frustration, hatred and love, got involved in their tangled relationship, laughed and cried with them and literally slept with them. i didn't want that experience to end even if it broke my heart at some point. even if it scared me that i can hardly sleep.

i didn't want the story to end, because those characters have been a part of me. they were here to keep me company, to occupy my heart and mind. i allowed them to possess me. they awakened my senses and emotions.

when i was reading the last few pages of the book, i felt that everyone of them was slipping away from me. even fermin, whom i considered as my best friend. i felt that they were abandoning me. they went on with their lives and i was left all alone. embracing the book after i read the last sentence was a matter of holding them back....keeping them close to me...keeping them alive in my mind.

....you see, some people's fantasy is my reality.


synopsis of "The Shadow of the Wind", taken from the back cover of the book:

Hidden in the heart of the old city of Barcelona is the "Cemetery of Forgotten Books", a labyrinthine library of obscure and forgotten titles. To this library, a man brings his ten-year-old son, Daniel, one cold morning in 1945. Daniel is allowed to choose one book and from the dusty shelves pulls 'The Shadow of the Wind' by Julian Carax. But as Daniel grows up, several people seem inordinately interested in his find. What begins as a case of literary curiosity turns into a race to find out the truth behind the life and death of Julian Carax and to save those he left behind.