a letter to Andrè

my sweet Andrè,

i find it amazing that out of 6,875,700,000 people in this planet, i actually found YOU. consider me the luckiest alien!

i have been wandering everywhere half of my life because i don't feel like i really belong anywhere. that's why i kept on saying to myself that, i'll just find myself under the sun...until i finally find a place that i feel safe, loved and accepted. maybe i have given you the wrong impression about me when it comes to my wanderings...i am too pretentious to admit to anyone that i am alone and lonely. i want people to think of me as someone who is strong, free-spirited and independent. but at the end of the day, i still need someone to claim me and to love me.

there are a lot of things that i am unsure of. so many things that are unforeseen. but i know one thing and only one thing for sure: that i love you and that i want to be with you.

you have passing questions to me when we were together. you might not remember them, but i do. i was silent and couldn't say anything during those times because i didn't know if you were serious...and your queries were so overwhelming. YOU are overwhelming. but now, i will answer them...

you asked me once if i want to be the mother of your children...

yes, i would love to be the mother of your kids and i would want you to be the father of my kids too.

when you were driving past the centrum of Lillehammer, you saw an old couple who were walking together. you pointed them to me. then you asked me if we can be like them. if we can grow old together...

yes, i want to grow old with you... to walk with you even if we are already suffering from arthritis. i will hold your hand for more support even if you have your cane on the other hand. i want to see you hunt and fish as you age.

you asked me once if i want to be married...

yes, i want to be married. now, i can see myself being married.

you asked me if i would stay with you and take care of you...

yes, there is nothing else than i want in this world than to be with you. i love you and i care for you...everything else follows

in Lillehammer, when we were crossing the street to the cafe where we had our breakfast, you said that you wanted to try something. then you held my hand...

it was a wonderful feeling...holding your hand...

in the hotel room in Lillehammer, you sat in front of me and told me that, i have burned myself in your heart and you will always remember me even when you're 70 and sitting all alone on your couch...

well, Andrè...i don't want to be just a memory, because memory fades. i want to be actually there with you, in person, and share moments with you and to sit with you on the couch when you're 70 or 80 or 90...

i finally feel that i belong to someone. to you. you captured my heart and i chose you to have it. i want to end my wanderings and flutter my butterfly wings towards you. because in you, Andrè, i feel safe, accepted and loved. you make me feel like i'm home...finally.